From whence I came... part 1 [NOT any sensual explorings here... ]  

Bobbingjoy 59F
213 posts
8/3/2006 1:59 pm

Last Read:
8/5/2006 11:25 am

From whence I came... part 1 [NOT any sensual explorings here... ]

Another blogger, fantasylover_05, [post#453036] asked for more info. about our histories, just for curiosity.

So, a brief history, somewhat myopically, and some comments about what shaped me:

I was born in Hong Kong, taken, before age 4, to Vancouver, B.C. (whence my mother and her brothers were born), to grow up there with an older brother, among some 23 cousins and their parents.

Feeling very safe and secure throughout the education years, the usual Chinese-Canadian expectations of excelling in schooling was just a given. Classical music (pianoforte plus) was a part of daily life, as Dad had a natural, untrained passion for singing right in tune, while Mom and I shared the piano playing for the fairly regular extended family get-togethers.

In my teens, I was very shy and awkward about my appearance, being much taller than most, nevermind compared to my petite Chinese female cousins. The Vancouver Chinese community denunciation of my largeness, however, was offset by occasional comments from my bro. - like one time, age 15, the bro caught me preening in a new bathing suit. He stopped just for a second to mutter, "Wow, my baby sister is sure growing up!" or "Did you really think that guy waited after school in the rain and walked you home just so he could see me?" Self-image, a la the bro! :B

My parents, though far from perfect, did enough by parental policies and by their own deeds, to instill fairly decent values and mores into this right - or is it the left? - brain. Seriously. With perfect 20/20 hindsight, even. At a very early age, Mom laid out choices and possible consequences for the small choices... so that eventually, when faced with huge choices, I was confident enough to chose my own direction and have the confidence to stick by my choices. Dad, in his quiet gentlemanly way, would constantly be helping others with no expectations of - indeed, refusal for - recognition or reward. Though they both passed over 13 years ago, their love and considerable guidance remain embedded in me and my bro. I somehow know I'll see them again.

Well, this will need to continue another day, if only for myself.

How many of us can actually look back to see, however myopically, from whence we came?


jeffreyl1 65M  
24 posts
8/3/2006 3:13 pm

As a question of will, not everyone can (look back), I suspect. There are truly monsters in the world, things that go more than "bump" in the night, and few among us can do more than run screaming from such....

I'm immediately put in mind of a dear friend whose first shared words about her growing up were that she had an "ideal childhood," though.

In that vein, and with a bit of my own myopia, I must allow that my childhood falls somewhere in that same neighborhood of idyllic. But it's only been in later years that I've come to appreciate that simple fact. Looking about at my own kid's friends (and the pure hell some of them went home to), along with realizing that not all those I grew up with lived in carbon copies of the place I called home, did much to disabuse me of the notion I'd suffered any measurable abuse in my formative years. Were my folks perfect? Far from it. Did they do everything "right?" Not on your life. Was I loved and nurtured, in the best fashion they could muster, all while dealing with their own days, nights and demons? In a word, yes....

Bobbingjoy replies on 8/4/2006 3:42 pm:
Jeffrey, thank you for your comment.

I very much agree there are many of us who'd never want to look back. I would suggest that, for the brave few, however, looking back, regardless how horrifying, can shed light on who we are today, what makes us our unique selves, and moreover, possibly determine how much better we are or are not today, compared to whenever the horrors occured.

As well, I also agree that it's usually when we're much older we can see our own childhood in perspective, nevermind in relation to those with whom we grew up. What kid could immediately see that, when refused a demand for a treat, it was to teach them there was a need to learn demands aren't basic needs? What rebellious teenager could think parental imposed curfews were for safety rather than unjustified control? Not moi then, for sure!


fantasylover_05 62M

8/4/2006 11:10 am

Thank you so much Joy!

It is truly great to get to know you more!

My childhood was rather less than idyllic.. but it was a hell of a lot better than some! I long ago learned when we are feeling sorry for ourselves... all we need do is look around and I guarantee we can find someone MUCH worse off and that can put our own problems back into perspective!

I do so wish I had paid more attention to music in my life... I do enjoy music so much... and I come from a "musical family" (I have a 92 year old aunt that was asked to play cello in a major city philharmoic symphony!).. but alas it was lost on me! LOL

Thank you Beautiful!

Bobbingjoy replies on 8/4/2006 3:59 pm:
Glad you saw this post, FL! (Say, I tried your advice in editing this post, and drats... it didn't work. duh...)

My childhood wasn't idyllic and carefree, either. As you say, looking around, it was much better in relation to some friends and cousins of similar age.

Music was in my soul as a newborn, would you believe. Despite struggling to make ends meet, Dad got me a music box which had metal discs pricking the thingie making the notes sound (yeah, so I can't figure out the techie terms... lol...). Mom, of course, probably would have preferred he got me new diapers... hehehehe...


jeffreyl1 65M  
24 posts
8/4/2006 11:06 pm

I agree wholeheartedly with your suggestion about the value of objectively knowing the past (and how it affects one). The physical phenomenon of inertia has a very real parallel in the universe of emotional and spiritual development, I think. Realistically evaluating one's past and its' impact is an important key in divining what is needed to influence growth in desired directions. One cannot correctly set one's sails without accurately knowing the direction of the wind and currents, in a manner of speaking.

And, perspective is undoubtedly one of the real benefits the years afford us. There are days when I'd like a wee bit of my youthful energy and stamina back, but in truth I much prefer the wisdom (if you can call it that, LOL!) of those same years.

Bobbingjoy replies on 8/5/2006 11:30 am:
to you, Jeffrey!
For sure we'd all love to have the energy, body, and spirit of our bygone days, plus the wisdom and perspectives we've been able to gain en route!
I wish I didn't need to only wish, eh?

Joy, mumbling away at the messy body now...

toothysmile 50M
16515 posts
8/5/2006 1:44 am

heartwarming and beautifully told. thanks for sharing this.
i am quite aware of whence i came, a life of relative sheltered privilege in athens... and how i felt i had to break away on my own in order to broaden my mental horizons... to take a deep breath before deciding to carry the load i had to carry.

Bobbingjoy replies on 8/5/2006 11:58 am:
Yes, TS, we all need to break away, if only to test the waters and determine our own paths. I was fortunate for many, many of my adult years, knowing I had the security and shelter with my family should the world become too much. I thank God I was blessed.


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