BlueIceGargoyle 60M
135 posts
8/10/2006 2:21 pm

Last Read:
5/23/2007 3:46 am


Ok as I promised the rage goes on, first of all I must say again that I am not pointing fingers nor naming names I thank you A/all for your comments, those that agreed or not. I have a question or two to pose to everyone. I have as most of you have seen and witnessed those that profess to be lifestyle be it Dom or Sub come into the room, most are harmless and either leave rather quickly or remain and learn. Then there are those who are abusers for lack of a better term who come in and sadly to say most if not all are claiming to be Dom/me. It is these few that genuinely upset the room and take advantage of newbies or those who are going through troubled times and seek comfort and or direction from them only to find out that they have chosen badly, so with this in mind my questions are many ... 1st how do we identify one of these shall we say wannabe or poser, true some are really obvious but others not so, and then once you know it is one well what do we do .. do we openly condemn them, take them aside and talk to them in im, iggy them,do nothing and see if perhaps they learn , the list goes on. Now lets take it a bit further making sigh I do hate to but yes let us make so assumptions, first that we definitely no this person not to be what they claim and now they have collared a sub what is our obligation if any and remember we do no this person to be a fraud ... do we openly confront both of them, either of them individually, or do we say nothing at all. Do we have the right and/or the obligation to do so. these are just a few of the things that have troubled me as of late.In closing again let me say that I cherish A/all of you as both family and friend, please do post comments I value and learn from all.

Live long and enjoy life

The Gargoyle (Guy)

rm_Kyphi_ 67F
6 posts
8/10/2006 3:22 pm

Rocky ground here and I say it's up to each individual to follow his/her own conscience. And if one has evidence it had better be 'real' evidence and not just someone else's say so. If it's evidence of abuse, have you seen the pictures of bruises or whatever abuse was done or seen the police reports? Or just taken someone's word that it 'happened to them'.

Here's a personal example. Seven or eight years ago an online friend from Canada came to San Diego to visit some of us when we lived there and stayed with friends of ours. We were over there a good part of the time she was here. We all had a blast! After she returned home someone started a rumor in the Basement that she was kept drugged and locked in a closet during this time. And there were people who believed it!!!! Even after she told people over and over and over again that nothing was further from the truth, some still chose to believe what they had heard.

Fortunately, there were enough of us there as witnesses to assure those with half a brain that none of this ever happened. But what about people who meet one on one with someone and then start spreadings stories? Who do we believe then? (Another good lesson in that tops need to protect themselves, too.)

But this is what I mean about making sure you have seen with your own eyes the evidence of abuse until you start warning people about it. Now you can say "I have heard rumors....etc. but I don't have any solid evidence". That way you have maybe put someone on alert. But before you go actually acusing...have your ducks in a row.


BadAssBlonde1 56F
4989 posts
8/10/2006 5:26 pm


I am unsure as to how to identify the folks you are speaking about. However, some things should be just common sense. The best thing I know to do is confront them. Not in a hostile way but by asking questions, etc. Time is a key ingrediant here as well. Most of these folks are typically caught or found out about prior to a real time meeting. Which is a good thing. Since I don't go on "he said, or she said" information, bringing something up to another person that I don't have concrete information on is something that I don't do. But! and a Big But here. . . if I do have solid information ie: spoke or met with the person in the past . . . I feel it's best to privately discuss it with the persons that are involved. I mean ALL parties involved.

As a whole, at some point in everyones life you are going to be in a vulnerable state of mind. If you are submissive or Dominant. It's the responsibility of that person to be accountable for their own actions; even in this state of mind. This sounds like a hard way but it is the only way that I know of.

Bottom line here . . . Action is where it's at - Talk is something you can do until the cows come home. It doesn't mean that anyone is going to listen. Gut instincts are normally my best resource.

Kyphi has given an excellent example of what happens when you get a bunch of busy body's around that have little to do in life but talk about something.

We have discussed the parties involved here and it's a shame that things went in this direction. Dishonesty and deception ALWAYS slaps you in the face.

It is really a small world in the Circles that we travel. It's up to everyone to open their eyes and realize that it's not always a beautiful place. By education and moral support, life can be exhilarating.

Good post!

For all Time,
Lady Hunter

After all the sex is gone, there is the mind - Lady Hunter / BAB

Copyright © House of Lady Hunter 1998-2009

rm_Melciber 61M
214 posts
8/11/2006 2:09 pm

< - - - I like to live in the moment BIG.

. . . that may not be a satisfactory answer . . . but it suits me. . .

I tend to agree with BABs here - - - it is a question of time. It is also a question of response-ability.

I have watched these firestorms in the basement from the anonimity of being in flash - and not said a word - - - it wasn愒 my place - I had nothing to say at the time. I know whereof all this blog is about - and still I have to marvel because of the magnitude of feeling generated.

These feelings cannot be worked out in virtual chat rooms. For most - these feelings don愒 even get worked out in real-time.

I can see where ELVINKIND is coming from - but I am not going to ask A/anyone to suck eggs - - - what good would it do?

Maybe a r/t scening contest could be set up between the protagonists . . .
Maybe not . . .

Keep asking them questions BIG . . .

<--- Melciber

rm_BBWDomCpl 58M/53F
1 post
8/14/2006 6:52 pm

BIG, I do not find it RAGE, I find it to be a well-composed, obviously deeply thought out essay. Your advice and opinions are appreciated and hopefully well heeded by many. We will certainly be more cognizant with our posts in relation to the newbies and those we have not been as tolerant of as mature individuals should be, especially in these lifestyles.

Again, Thank You.

Suicidia 50F

8/28/2006 12:53 pm

I have been remiss myself in not showing more restraint in my treatment of "trolls", and for this, I apologise. I try to suppress my instinctive reactions and remain polite, but when I see wannabe Dom/mes making a move on a subbie who is new or in need of emotional support, I find it so hard to stay calm.

This was one of the main reasons jacina and I opened the new site - to be able to communicate without harassment, or fear of the predatory wannabes.

In my opinion, it is the role of the Regulars to keep a watchful eye out on the newer members or those who are suffering. After all, isn't that what is at the heart of this Lifestyle - compassion, understanding and acceptance?

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