|Blogs > BlueCanary1575 > Spot, Jr.|
Flaws, Part II
Flaws, Part II
I was chatting with a friend a few days ago and our conversation led here:
Friend: im actually a dork.
Me: im a nerd
Me: you wanna hear something i'm embarrassed about, but shouldn't be, but still am anyways?
F: lol ok
Me: i took an online iq test a few weeks ago. i got a 100
F: so you're completely average?
Me: no, 100%
F: okay..what does that mean heh
F: youre the smartest man alive?
Me: no, it just means that i didnt miss any of the questions
The fact that I revealed this tidbit -- something positive -- about myself was somewhat shocking to me. Even more shocking is that I'm considering posting it to blogland. I'm not one to talk about myself in a positive way. If I ever do talk about myself, its usually in the form of self-deprecating humor.
Readers from my old blog might remember my post on flaws. I think this is finally my follow-up to that. When I look at people, friends, I don't particularly see what might be called "imperfections" in a negative light. Whatever qualities, quirks, facets we all have serve not to make us "better" or "worse" than someone else, just unique. So, without all of our characteristics, good and bad, we wouldn't be ourselves.
This, at least, is how I see others. When I look at myself, I see flaws. I see the things I don't like. I focus on them, magnify them and find it difficult to ignore them -- difficult to remember that I have some good qualities as well. I was forced to realize how I see myself after reading ArtisticTwist75's post [post 466280]. She's done a better job of explaining how I feel than I could myself.
I guess what I'm getting at is that even when there is something good about me, or something that I've done well, I'm still embarrassed to reveal it. I feel like if I bring up one good thing, I must also expose 10 negative things -- to even it out. If I don't, then I'm just bragging or, worse, giving a false account of myself. So, in order to avoid such ethical conflicts within my mind, I usually stick to my negative qualities when talking about myself.
...It took me quite some time to get the other two bedrooms of the house rented out. And its my own fault. Whenever a prospective roommate would look at the place, I always insisted on pointing out the negative aspects of living here -- there's precious little storage space; the parking situation is terrible; the backyard looks like grass,, but its actually just weeds; etc. I probably convinced more than a few people to not live here. But, I prefer that to being a good "salesman" and having someone move in only to discover all these flaws later and decide that they hate living here.
I hope this post made sense.
8/20/2006 8:05 am
Hey you! It has been a long time it seems like since I posted with you. You so know that is me to a tee. I think past experiences can help make us this way, or fear of rejection. I too tend to point out the bad in hopes that they will think I am so bad they won't even want to try. I am glad to see your new blog. So I guess Andy is out and Robert is in. LOL|
8/22/2006 2:03 pm
All I can say is... I understand.|