Just for the record- in defense of men  

Blaze6957 59F
23 posts
6/26/2005 5:39 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Just for the record- in defense of men

Maybe cause I was a kid sister who thought her brothers were her heroes...maybe cause my dad was both a strong and gentle man...maybe because my best friends are usually male- I have a tendency to take up for guys when I perceive they are at an unfair disadvantage. I have a healthy sense of fair play and would like to debunk some myths/garbage I hear in conversations, the media or read on here.

1. What's the crime in being a single male? I mean, if you're a couple who prefers other married couples or only married males- that's fine! But why be so derogatory, insulting, and just plain rude! Just say what you want and set your filter to exclude single male messages. It's that simple! What satisfaction is there in the bold all caps announcements "ABSOLUTELY NO SINGLE MALES!!!or worse I've read "SINGLE GUYS ARE A DIME A DOZEN!!!! Do you really need to denigrate whoever doesn't fit your bill? "Single" is a state of being... a lifestyle choice...not a contagious disease!

2. Why is it acceptable to openly bash males...when bashing any other group is considered the crudist insensitivity. We don't accept bigoted, racist, or misogynist slurs...why are men not shown the same respect? Are we still punishing them for a long history of patriachial rule when fewer and fewer men exploit women than ever before. "Exploit" is such a broad term used to the point that it's meaning is no longer clear. We send them off to "sensitivity training" yet as women we often are guilty of the same offenses- without anyone blinking an eye! I'm not saying that no men are exploitive or abusive....but certainly there is no sense judging all by the actions of those who are....Exploitation and abuse are behaviors now found to be as prevelant in women as men. And considering that dispite the number disadvantage for men on here....it's mostly their dollars that keep a site like this functional.

3. And I'm so tired of hearing that old saying that "all men are dogs" or "they only care about sex." If that's your experience, then perhaps you are not as diligently selective as you think you are. For as many men I have met through here....I have received "rude" or disrespectul behaviour from only 3 jerks! And across the board, men I've met tell me that the number of dates they average per year...though they keep paying dues...is around 2-4....and state that most of the women they've met misrepresented themselves/ with pics, and profiles. On the other hand, in the one year I've had about one or two dates/week....with few disappointments...whether they became sexual or not, a pleaurable time was enjoyed. Mutual respect was maintined. And most men confess incredibly long periods of abstinence between dates. LOL they're doing better than I am on that one! And I'm by no means "promiscuous" or indiscriminate. And an alarming # of men report to me that without the sense of relationship, sex is not satisfying.

4. I've heard horror stories about endless run-a-rounds with emails exchanged patiently while a woman "makes up her mind." I have been able to determine by profile and initial messages rather quickly if I'm actually interested in someone. There have been delays/gaps and regrettable loss of touch with some unintentionally....but eventually there is some resolution. If your only aim is email/chat/phone relationships...then for chrissake list only those activities as your interests.

5. While some women state they are looking for long term relationship....many others post a primarily sexual ad when that is NOT their intent it's so deceptive! I often need to soothe the edges off these guys who seem to have had more bad than good experiences on here. Other dating sites cater to more serious relationships and are a wiser option compared to thinking one can just "screw" their way into a marriage.

6. Finally...why punish men for expressing their interest in sex here? The one place developed primarily for sex....destroying the last bastion for their expression sexual desire. Isn't that a bit like joining a social club knowing you don't agree with their charter...then bitchin' cause the rules don't change for you? Why join?

(Whew!) That felt good!

wyvernrose 38F
3895 posts
6/26/2005 7:22 am

I agree with you entirely and even I am guilty of it at times, the dime a dozen has indeed fallen from my lips, although usually in reference to the sheer numbers of them available...


papyrina 51F
21133 posts
6/26/2005 10:03 am

well written and so true ,we women are real cows at times,and like wyv has said i'm guitly in some ways too

I'm a

i'm here to stay

AltumHunksUnite 53M

6/26/2005 3:17 pm

While I appreciate y'all sticking up for us single guys, I am aware that there are times when the hostility against us is warranted. Penic pics sent along with emails saying something like "I think you need to have this shoved up inside you" can get old after a while, I'm sure.

There are good reasons why the admission fee for single guys at most "playtime clubs" can be as much as $200.

Still, I appreciate your post, probably the best one I've read in a while.

Let me drive. I like the view

Blaze6957 59F

6/27/2005 11:58 pm

As frustrated as I sound with others in this one...honestly most of the frustration was with myself...lol...the times I've caught myself being insensitive...self realizing my own guilt, and realizing how I have injured the feelings of another...is hard to accept my own hypocrisy, but the "hard learned" leaves deep imprints. I feel most of us would not delight in knowing when we've hurt others. Thanks for understanding and having the "balls" or "ovaries" to drop a line of support for a well intended rant.

rm_im_erotic 73M
5 posts
7/9/2005 8:22 pm

Well then,
I'll copy and paste a posting from a few months ago ..... I think it is a part of this discussion ....

Our general society is flawed, at least when it comes to sex and relationships. Consider: we are, anthropologically speaking, herd animals.
The females gut level programming compels her to go for the "alpha male" among those males she knows. Anything else is a learned response resulting from our having been "civilized"
Males, on the other hand are hard wired to impregnate, thus passing on his genes, to as many females as he can. Anything else is a learned response resulting from our having been "civilized".
Is the above an oversimplification? Of course! But please allow the postulation so the discussion can proceed.
Now, translate to todays situation.
Females attempt to attract the most powerful, richest and most self-confident male they can. They do this with no small measure of innuendo and coded language since they have been "civilized" against being direct.
Males desire the youngest, sexiest female they can afford and are typically very direct about what they want.
The internet frustrates this exchange further because the females cannot sense, generally, the self-confidence that a male would display in person. So, he is reduced to listing what sex acts he wants in, quite literally, a two dimentional black and white environment.
My experience is so much more successful with women I meet in person. But this is fun. And, maybe some younger, sexy lady reading this will understand I have something between my ears as well as between my legs.

NEsailor 69M

7/13/2005 3:06 pm

What a great group of thinking people in this discussion! I'd love to sit at a dinner table with all of you.
I wonder what it would be like when politics came up. I suspect we might be able to come up with some good ideas to solve some of the world's problems.

7inchlinguest 61M
35 posts
7/16/2005 10:14 pm

I am very much aware of the numberic dimensions of the 11 men for every 1 woman. I have written in other areas comments to the effect that for 1 to 1 the math is totally unworkable on average. But, the other side of the equation that "im erotic" infers is that as far as women choosing mates, in human societies, advanced and primative in which resource scarcity is a reality, a woman goes for the "alpha" male. But, another fact of the human species, and other primates, is what is called "sperm competition" in which the female can mate with many males and the sperm competes for the ovum, and not the individual males. The evidence of this is the fact that a woman can, albiet not that many want to, with literally 1 to 2 dozen men exhausting them sexually and getting more energized at the same time. In reality, it is our system of social mores that artificially create the "herd" "alpha" paridigm. All you have to do is read the Bible,as reference to this, and also Daniel Amnius in his book "The Garbage Generation" refers to the creation of "patrilinear family struction" and "regulating female sexuality(ugh!)" as the bulwark of civilization.I consider the philosophy of Amnius and the Old Testament(taken literally) to be very malevalent and anit-humanistic. But, as we can use a more consciously developed analysis of this and not accept "sexual propaganda" we can move away from this paradigm.
Speaking to the practicality of the numeric aspect of this site and others I noticed that while men have a hard time just finding "dates" that some women(not a huge number) actually like to stage "gang bangs" with 10 or more men-and have difficulty getting them to committ. So, I guess this speaks to the "sexual propaganda" that makes men believe that he should be the "alpha" and have 10 women, but, as we know, biological reality infers the opposite. After all, how is it that in the Old Testament Solom had 300 wives and 1000 concubines and that was "o.k.", but a women trying to do the same thing was stoned to death as a "harlot"? Good evidence that our system of sexual mores are rooted in distorted mystical idaes.

Rodfitzhugh 57M
4 posts
8/7/2005 2:32 pm

Thank You Blaze! I have been in the lifestyle since around the mid 80's. I attest to being too polite. I have always heard that the nice guy always finishes last. Oh the truth was never more obvious than among the members of this site. I have watched since High school, that the nice are used as door mats and Assholes get the fine women. I have many times attempted to be the asshole. Not gonna happen. I am and was raised (brought up) to be a southern gentleman. I am the door opener, the Yes maam and yes sir, the chair puller outer. I will not apologize for that. I am, because of the hypocracy of some men with partners, a better man for their forgetfulness. Were they in the same position would they be so quick to dismiss a large portion of society. Granted their are men out there who were not raised (brought up) with the manners I was and those with no cooth. We as a demogarphic should not be punished for the few. One bad apple as it were. So once again I applaude an observant and honest woman for her perception that there are some good men out there. To quote Groucho Marx "That's Me" Thank You Blaze. I bow to a great mind and a very understanding woman!

7inchlinguest 61M
35 posts
8/19/2010 12:45 am

You know, I just happened to read the above little reply I wrote in 2005, and at the risk of sounding a little egotistical, really is the most succinct description of our system of social mores, and the "supply problem" of willing sexual partners, at least in regard to men.

Become a member to create a blog