Why are most AFF groups so cliquey?  

(Cat )
592 posts
6/8/2006 12:46 pm

Last Read:
3/12/2007 7:36 pm

Why are most AFF groups so cliquey?

I have always been a bit of a rebel when it comes to events that are oriented more to couples...and it seems as I get to know more and more couples from here (that are looking for a 3rd) they are becoming more and more disillusioned because of the couples! not the single guys (though there are some that are pains in the ass!) but the couples...

So many where the guy hides behind his wife's pic and pulls his pee pee while he writes replies, or where the wife is only doing this cuz he wants to...or where they form one of these 'infamous' groups....start doing Meets n greets or dances and parties...and unless you are in their 'couples' inner circle, you are ostracized.

Dear friends of mine that I met on AdultFriendFinder over 2 years ago...have been faithfully attending local events and trying to prove to me 'it's not all that bad'...and the last event has so disheartened them with how they were treated that they are going to cancel their AdultFriendFinder membership!!

How sad is that? and how can these couples continue to give the lifestyle a bad name? worse yet, you can't post anything controversial about them or speak your mind if it's contrary to what their inner circle is saying! If you speak up about any wrong doing or about how maybe you didn't enjoy the event...they don't take the advice and learn from it...instead, their little clique gets tighter and alot of newbies are turned off and don't need to be!

God should give some of these couples/groups a thump on the head!!

Muse35 47F

6/8/2006 6:12 pm

sigh i hear you cat.....really i do and can really really relate! I find myself at times answering that lil bitty question of "why am i here if i'm not going to enjoy myself" with "oh come on it'll be fun" always the pessimest i guess....i KNOW there are normal sane like minded common sensed witty people out there i just KNOW it...maybe they're over the rainbow?

(Cat )

6/8/2006 7:53 pm

Thanks Muse...I think this sex-positive lifestyle needs more people like you and I ...and our close friends to continue to speak up! I don't mind risking the wrath of those doing this type of thing or being ostracized from groups or events as I feel that what I'm doing is honourable and stands up for those afraid to do so! We just need to support those that speak up and encourage them to make this lifestyle a better place...not a cliquey place!

rm_temposetter 54M
2 posts
6/8/2006 10:52 pm

I really dig your ability to speak your mind, Blacat! I wish I was as free to do the same, but 40+ years of being a peoplepleaser isn't just going to go away overnight. I don't know what to expect on the 24th, but good or bad,I'm going in with an open mind and a positive attitude. From SOMEWHERE,OVER THE RAINBOW....... Tempo,

rm_Sassy4Boyz 104F

6/9/2006 3:12 am

Hmm... well, i can say I have attended a few M&G's myself. It seems to be the same crew as it is in the Chat Rooms. I don't mind the same crew, but I totally agree that the "newbies" seem to be ridiculed and if you have certain standards as to what you want, you are blown off and considered a bitch. I figure it's ok cuz I rather be a bitch and with someone that I'm attracted to then be in a "clique" with a group that disgusts me. Ok, so i'm a bit harsh, but hey, isn't everyone else? I think it's my right to speak my mind and if I get kicked off (again) then Oh Well, I haven't been too impressed with many people I met anyway!

Ta11Man67 59M

6/14/2006 11:36 pm

I agree. I've been on here for a year, and only connected with a couple of people, although have found some gems and had great fun together

The majority though, have been so elusive, one wonders why they're bothering.
Anyway, good luck to you. I hope you don't give up, I've enjoyed your posts.

(and thanks for the wink... Let me know if you want to follow that up)

(Cat )

6/16/2006 4:10 pm

I won't give up! LOL...just will be known for speaking my mind and if some people don't like it...they can go pound sand! I've met some great people on here and many I still call my friend! and the others, well, they don't have the qualities to be a playmate, let alone a friend!
Thanks all of you that replied to this BLOG!

4playdates 48M/44F  
259 posts
6/21/2006 2:25 pm

Yet again, lady, you took the words right out of my mouth. We've gone to a number of M&G's both in Kam and Kelowna and while we sometimes have fun, we've never really connected with anyone there. If I wanted to sleep with someone twice my age, I wouldn't be with my husband. If I wanted to sleep with someone 100 lbs overweight, I would say I was looking for BB-whatever. Sassy's right, although I have a hard time being as forward with my standards as she is. There has to be at least an average amount of physical attractiveness for either of us to be interested. And that isn't always the perfect body - we've met many slim/petite or athletic people who are just nasty on the inside, and that colours everything on the outside.
But if I see one more person who describes themselves as "intelagent" I'm gonna scream!

4 Play

brittonck 59M/57F  
1 post
6/28/2006 11:24 am

We really respect your ability to express yourself honestly. We go to the dances in Kamloops and attend some in Kelowna as well and have found both to be somewhat cliquey but we aren't a real out going couple either so sometimes wonder if others are kind of the same way and chalk it up to that. But...we go to these events with the attitude that we are going to have fun and we do, either by ourselves or with people we meet which haven't been many but the one's we have met and get together with have been great people. As to whether or not this site is worth it or not our Jury is still out. C&L

Muse35 47F

7/22/2006 12:26 pm

I think on the issue of groups being cliquey its because its in our DNA make up to want to be accepted and belong to something. I have been on both sides of the fence, and i tell ya i sit in the MIDDLE because i know where my roots lie.....right down the middle.......even saying hi to someone is hard for some to do and for the most part this is across the board in real life and online.....there are always, always groups....but with great people like Cat.....hopefully that will change.....

(Cat )

9/5/2006 11:33 am

Sitting in the middle is good! as long as it's not sitting on the fence! I think that inviting 'new' people to encounters and making sure they have someone to hand hold them and make a point of introducing them to others...not leaving them on their own too much certainly helps..but you don't see alot of that happening at certain functions. There are tons of 'shy' people out there and they need to be made to feel welcome and included in conversations to get over their shyness...or they will just quietly disappear.
The role of host/hostess is tough..appointing a few others to help out is good! and making sure they are recognizable is even better! but if the party planner just goes off and hangs out with their usual crowd, what message does that give to the newbies or wallflowers.
so, people like me speak up about stuff like this and it pisses off a whole bunch of people..but you know what? those people don't matter cuz they aren't doing anything to change or step out of clique mode. It's the ones that aren't caught up in the cliques that usually make the best of friends - in and out of bed!

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