The Annals of BF69  

BenefitsFriend69 57M/60F
1008 posts
9/14/2005 1:16 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

The Annals of BF69

The Annals of BF69’s Anal Sexcapades. Act II.

Sunday morning. I get up, put the Joe pot on, check the news online, look at a couple emails, log on to AdultFriendFinder. Just forked out 29 bucks and upgraded, so now I can write to some people. Damn, why is it taking five frickin minutes to log on to this site? Okay, there it is. Show me “My New Matches” based on my cupid settings. Up they come. Okay, at least it’s working now. Ignore the ones without pictures. Okay, I’ve seen her, her, her.. Wrote to her, nothing back. Ditto on her, and her, and her. Same ole ho’s sigh.. Getting a few more miles away from home now.

Whoa! Who’s that? My, what a sexy shot of her. She’s standing up, and the photo shows her topless, from the neck down. She has firm, round, larger than average breasts with big round nipples. Her hand is pulling her panties aside to reveal a pretty, mostly shaven (with a little runway) womanhood. Click!

Up comes the profile. A face shot, to go alone with that munchable body, nice.. Shiny long hair, sweet smile. Deep, dark eyes. Ok, read. Read. Read. Okay, okay, okay.. Hmm, bi-curious. “Alternate Activities.” Anal sex (can I have an AMEN bruthus!!) Metaphysical slant. I don’t see any “NO NOT NO NOT NO NOT DO NOT I HATE EVERYBODY LIKE THIS LEAVE ME ALONE MOVE ON ASSHOLE NO THIS NO THAT NO NO” stuff in there that usually makes me just hit the back button. I like, I like..

I think of a clever message to write, but I don’t EVEN expect to get anything back from this hot one! I bet she gets at least 50 emails a day, maybe more, from young hot guys she could call in a second, who would come bumbling over, dick in hand, whose stings she could pull and have them eating out of her hand and pushed out of her face when she’s done had her way with them. But hell, gotta try. Someone DOES win the lotto every week, right? So I send a thoughtful, pertinent email. I ask a few questions so she’ll have something to write back. I see she’s a standard member, so I attach a few sexy but not gross pics. Copy text to clipboard before sending (always on this f-in site). Click, Send. Well whaddya know, the message actually went. Or at least it appears that way.

I go for a run. Shower. Make lunch. Ain’t got shit to eat in the house, guess it’s gonna be Ramen with an egg and some Oreos. I really need to go to the story today or it’s gonna be fast food this week. I call my kids, they’re all working I think. Call my mom. Long lazy Sunday afternoon. Gorgeous outside, spring is just coming on. Yeah I know, that damn lawn. I swear I’m gonna do zirascape, this just ain’t natural.. Make a cup o’ tea. Log on to AdultFriendFinder. A new message?!?! Hmm.. Not an “autoreply” saying “I’ll return your email I’m just too busy right now.” (yeah right). Wow, it’s from her!

“Hi! Thanks for writing, I think you are gorgeous and I loved your profile. Email me!” One thing leads to another during the week (phone calls, emails, chats), and we agree to meet that next Saturday. We’re gonna go for a hike. Her car’s busted so I have to drive up to Englewood (near Denver) to get her. No problem.

It’s a gorgeous spring day that Saturday. I find the apartment complex, she answers the door. OMG! 10 times better than her picture. Nice round C/D borderline breasts. LONG dark brown hair. She’s wearing jeans and a cotton short sleeved top. Those lips, wow.. We look at each other and smile. We both know SOMEthing’s gonna happen. We just don’t know what yet.

We drive back to the Springs, which is nearly an hour’s drive, but it seemed like five minutes. We talk about SO many things. One of those rare, rare cases of instant chemistry. We don’t even bother with the hike; straight to my place. We barely get in the door, and the clothes are off. We’re rolling all afternoon and into the night. She decides to stay. She had a bag packed.. Imagine that? A Girl Scout is always prepared?

We end up in the bed, spent, take a nap, and wake up around 9:00 at night. We start to feel each other, and it all starts over again. She’s on all fours, I have hold of her hips. She reaches around and moves my dick up. “You want that ass don’t you?” What can I say? Except, “Oh hell yeah.” In I go, no lube required. She pushes back against me, hard, and I slide all the way in, in one thrust. I’m not a small guy, hmmm. She’s done this before I gather. Hallelujah, there IS a god!

I start ramming her, hard. She’s screaming, and not in pain, and you can hear her orgasms come, one after the other. I’m not sure how long I can keep from exploding. It feels really nice, and lubed.. Or.. Wait.. What’s that smell? It’s really strong now. Dare I look down? Holy shit! No pun there! Everywhere, and I mean everywhere. All over me, all over her, sheets, blankets. I stop ramming. I slow down and pull it out, taking care to grab the ring on the condom with the hopes it’ll stay on. Covered in Hershey highway tar I am (Yoda accent). The glove is still on, thank god. And everything else in the bed has had an encounter will the chocolate factory. And the smell, ugh. I start to gag. She looks back at me. “Uh oh!” Indeed.

We get in the shower first, then get all the affected bedclothes and other articles into the washing machine. I open the windows. We laugh.

Next subject in the series: Preventive enemas.

BenefitsFriend69 57M/60F

9/14/2005 6:02 pm

Thanks Lioness nice to hear from ya, it's been awhile! Yeah.. I'm always on the lookout these days...

ruready4adark1 56M

9/14/2005 6:28 pm

I'm laughing so hard I've got rum and coke coming out my nose!

Great story and I need to see the next in the series before I (Amen!) upgrade and start down that highway myself!

BenefitsFriend69 57M/60F

9/14/2005 11:05 pm

Amen brother ru! Turns out she and I liked each other a LOT, and hung out for quite some time. So we had to deal with this situation. Will post about it if not too disgusting..

yagottalikit 49F
583 posts
9/15/2005 11:09 am

maybe I should quit that particular activity, cold turkey, while I'm ahead......

Yagotta get it soft and wet so we can kick/stick it

BenefitsFriend69 57M/60F

9/15/2005 11:55 am

Yagota: do you mean quit cold turkey, with no ifs, ands or butts? Hee hee.. Well, shit happens..

rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
9/15/2005 1:11 pm

Can you say AMEN brotha, Hallelujah and..........what the Fuck!!! That is a mood killer.

BenefitsFriend69 57M/60F

9/15/2005 4:55 pm

Amen saint! As Yoda would say: "To the showers go I must."

BenefitsFriend69 57M/60F

9/16/2005 9:55 am

Honni LOL! Sorry about the graphic description in this post. Butt, sometimes ya gotta tell it like it is.

Humbolt County: The world's best! I try to make a pilgrimage there once a year around harvest time, to stock up. Speaking of which, the buds should be budding right about now. Kill the males guys, kill the males, we don't want seeds!!

barbiebunny 36F
5597 posts
9/18/2005 11:37 am

LOL and your poop jokes I

Its good to be...ME

BenefitsFriend69 57M/60F

9/19/2005 1:35 pm

Hi Bunzy baby. Guess I'll have to go to another subject now, this one is starting to stink! LOL!

rm_lilypond3 58F
83 posts
9/21/2005 2:21 am

Shit! I always wondered if this kind of thing could happen.
Now I know!! Quite graphic,but you always have been good with words.

I've always made sure its quite empty back there before ANY activity goes on ...I never eat a big meal just before I think there will be the chance of this kind of playing.Better luck next time!

BenefitsFriend69 57M/60F

9/21/2005 3:01 pm

lily ha ha!!! good idea. in the "end" that's what we did. I kinda miss her...

BenefitsFriend69 57M/60F

9/22/2005 10:44 am

BigGrilzRSweet: Love your handle name! And yeah, good advice. If I'm ever brave enough to try the strap-on receiving thing (well maybe not in this life) I'll be sure to remember.. AND guys, if she usually loves it butt says "not right now" you'd be wise to say, "oh okay." I said butt hee hee

Angelcurls47 62F

9/30/2005 7:20 pm

Good post....extremely funny....had to wait til I stopped laughing to type. I love anal...sometimes crave it...but absolutely won't go there unless it's all clear, and your advice to the guys...if she say's we ain't goin there....then we ain't goin there. No if's, and's or BUTT'S. LOL.... as a side note... I like your writing...very good, easy to read..and very funny. Thanks... AC47 aka (slide)

BenefitsFriend69 57M/60F

10/1/2005 3:52 pm

AC47: Thanks for stopping by. Great advice! We don't laugh enough in life do we? I just start out by laughing at myself and all the weird shit that happens to me (no pun intended LOL ). I'm happy I have a way to share it, and that others can have a laugh too.


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