Jealousy Blog 01  

BenefitsFriend69 57M/60F
1008 posts
8/21/2005 3:40 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Jealousy Blog 01

“You become what you think about all day long.” ‒ A Wise Person

As part of my work on myself over the years, I’ve taken a close look at what I think about all day long. I’ve learned that if I can have some sort of control over my conscious thought process, then my resultant emotions and reactions are a bit more under my control than under the control of all the external stimuli coming at me all the time. Where do thoughts come from? Previous thoughts, mostly. My technique is meditation. If I can watch my thoughts go by, I can at least be aware of them and work on changing the ones that don’t serve me, or worse yet, get me in trouble. You can’t have an emotion or perform a physical act without a preceding thought, so it’s really useful to think about what you are thinking about all day long.

When I was a young lad, I was one of the most possessive, jealous guys around. Are you looking at my woman? Woman, are you looking at him? I saw you laughing and joking, you must be fucking him! And so forth.. Even though I was able to keep my actions and words under control most of the time, this green-eyed monster seethed beneath like a molten slime, smelling up my precious energy. And, SO MUCH energy..

Eventually, I started to look at this and attempted to figure out what was going on. Again (as I’ve said many times in these blogs), the reasons we have these kinds of emotions are very complicated. Volumes have been written, and I’ve read a lot of it. So, instead of trying to figure out WHY it was happening, I decided to work at getting rid of it. How? Well, when I found out I had a fear of large bodies of water, I took up SCUBA diving. Feat of heights? Skydiving. What better way than to watch my lover have sex with another man?

So I jumped off the deep end. After my divorce and a few LTRs, I decided to get into the swinging thing, with this being one of my main goals. I met a woman who was into it to, and we formed a close, loving relationship. She helped.

The first time, we found a couple, since that was less threatening. I watched as he kissed her. Their eyes met, they smiled at each other, and they started to rub each others’ bodies. His wife started with me, and I asked her to wait; I wanted to watch this. He slowly undressed her, and she got on her knees to take him in her mouth. I took a deep breath! Then, it started. I got so excited watching this that my clothes were off and I was touching myself within minutes. His wife and I could wait no longer. The four of us ended up enjoying each other for the rest of the night. (Sorry, I’m not a great porn writer lol!). These days, if I’m in a relationship with someone, I can put all that aside and know that she will be interested in others, and they her. As long as we tell the truth, anything goes. If she is interested in MMF, I enjoy giving her that pleasure, and she’ll do the same for me. Monster slayed? I think so. And I have all that wasted energy back!

I believe that no matter who you are, or what kind of intimate relationship you have, there will be attraction to others. You and your mate will be attracted to others, and others will be attracted to you. How you act based on that is the question. I’ve found that the best way is to look it right in the face and enjoy!! And remember: nobody owns anybody.

How about you? How do you deal with the green-eyed monster?

rm_FreeLove999 46F
16127 posts
8/22/2005 12:09 am

Hmm, i've not had such an easy time of it as my husband won't do the couples thing -- we play separately and for a long while he kept picking women that wanted to drive a wedge between us to see if they can't have him to themselves... in those circumstances i got extremely anxious, however, he ditched them pretty quick himself when he realised their game, so, i guess i have nothing to worry about

on the other side i have this other lover i really like a lot, but he is losing me because he is jealous of the rest of my life ... the thing about jealousy is that it tends to have the effect of driving away the person you are concerned about losing, so it really is a foolish emotion...!

[blog freelove999]

rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
8/22/2005 12:17 am

Don't know. Nothing like that has ever come up, so to speak. What I want to know is what was it like between you two the next day? Did you talk about it, and what if it was just you, her and another guy?

BenefitsFriend69 57M/60F

8/22/2005 7:14 am

FreeLove, it sounds like you and your husband have the security to stay together, even though you have the freedom to be with others. You're right, there are those that will see the playtime as a means to drive the wedge in between. Playing apart is a bit more risky in this regard than same room/house sex. That would be my ultimate goal if I were married or in an LTR. Not sure if I could ever have one of those again though.

Saint (sinner lol!). Yes, we talked about it the next day, and in my mind from then on it was a turn-on for me to imagine her in the act. We did indeed go to MFM (and FMF ) after that. But.. That relationship didn't last long in the end. It wasn't due to this as much as her going psycho about other things..

At least I learned to let her do whatever she wanted, with whomever she wanted, whenever she wanted. A tall order?

rm_lilypond3 58F
83 posts
8/23/2005 2:21 am

You are truely a THINKING man.And I really appreciate it,esp' when it goes along with a lovely smile and face.
yes I have had to face some fears of my own. Believe it or not one was being with children: I didnt think they would like me! Wrong. I've ended up working with children in different aspects and have been told I should be a full time teacher..or I would have made a wonderful mother. It all came as a surprise to me! I like them!

Another fear.. girls..yes..then other women. I didnt think they would like me.I didnt kwow what I was afraid of, but I was. Come to find out..I like them more than I knew! Same as with the kids. So strange isnt it. The very fear we have, is what we often really like. Such a strange twist.
Digging deep within ourselves, not being afriad to even find the spiritual side..and there IS one is all of us. Finding the tender side, the side that gets us upset for "apparently" no reason...Those are the things that make us unique and who we are.

In reference to your issue of jealousy. There's so much that can be said about it.I was never a jealous person until I was given a reason to think I needed to be. Surprising since I usually didnt feel that secure. Maybe I am more than I thought. But that is what its all about. Feeling secure in youself,knowing that even if something goes wrong in a relationship, you can take it, you will be ok, and you will be able to love again if you let yourself.

It's a very risky thing to lend your lover to another. All sorts of things can come from it.
BRAVO to you for being willing to face a very big fear..! Not because it was in the sexual arena, but because it was in an area that is the MOST difficult to deal with. You could have done so in a different manner even, but the way you chose is the most difficult.
The only way it isnt, is, that one doesnt really care that much about the partner. My fear lately, since my divorce was, that I am NOT desirable to others as he said I would not be. So I put myself out there is this big world of meeting all sorts of people, couples first. Like you, felt safer and I had been there before. More on that subject on another blog of mine. I found out to my great surprise, that I had nothing to fear at all!

Yes luv, I think you did fill a tall order. Says alot about a person that is willing to please his lover/friend. But it doesnt mean you have to always be that way..sharing..its not for evryone..I think at this point I have the best of both worlds..but if I was in a LTR the swinger lifestyle would be very limited. Life is complicated enough.

I would love to sky scares the hell out of me..! but I know I would love it.I want to hang glide..scares me.You on the other hand have been willing to do some of these and my hat,(or if you'd like my blouse) goes off to you!! Men like you make me want to please them. Wish you were closer! HUGS!!

BenefitsFriend69 57M/60F

8/23/2005 6:56 am

Lilypond, thanks so much for reading and responding. The whole fear subject is fascinating to me. As James Allen says, "He who has conquered fear and doubt has conquered failure." Also lots of new age gurus saying "Feel the fear and do it anyway."

I'm not sure if jumping right in is always the best way to go, but it did work for the jealousy thing. I feel SO much lighter..


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