How Special Is Sex?  

BenefitsFriend69 57M/60F
1008 posts
12/26/2005 10:00 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

How Special Is Sex?

I don’t know about you, but I think about sex a lot. I wish I didn’t at times, but I do.

Is it a need? Maslov would say no, it’s not in the same category as air, water, food or shelter. Yeah, we men have the procreation, spread-the-gene-pool, drag-em-by-hair-to-the-cave thing going on. And, you women have the biological clock, conquer-the-dumb-ass-man, bring-up-the-kids-in-the-cave thing going on. And we all have the psychological and emotional and physical fall-out of all that. Come on, don’t hide it, stop thinking you’re not human. But even after vasectomies and hysterectomies and empty nests, most of us want sex.

Love is another world altogether. And beyond definition. But we can sorta hone in on the word sex. The word sex may not be as complicated as the word love, but it does have its dimensions now doesn’t it?

How important is sex? To me, it is one of the most wonderful gifts we’ve been given inside these bodies. When you’re having sex with someone you really care about, there’s really nothing better to do. Well, maybe skiing. Well, na.. And when we’re having sex with someone that may not be so special (like the cat), we can still enjoy it at some level. Or not. Is there “bad” sex? I’ve had, let’s say, “not so special” sexual encounters in my life. But they were all good. I think. Hey I was joking about the cat okay? I don’t even have one. She wasn’t special enough. Now give me a watermelon and….

I know that when I’m not having sex on a regular basis, things happen inside of me mentally and emotionally. I crave it, I want it. And not just the physical release we can get from masturbation (although that’s groovy too). I mean all the wonderful dimensions of the act. I think most people crave this, most of the time, especially during quiet moments. I know people who have gone for long periods of time without any physical contact at all. I don’t know how they do it, but they do.

Getting back to the original question: how special is sex? Given the assumption that we have the physical capacity to have sex (thank God I do), what do we seek?
Does the specialness of sex change as we gain wisdom?
Does the specialness of sex change based upon whom we’ve met?

I see the struggle. We want to know the person (people, cats, watermelons, etc.) we’re having sex with, but how well? Or maybe not, maybe there are times when we’ll fuck anything just so we can be fucking something. Or maybe so. Maybe we want to know our lover SO well, and have a commitment to monogamy, before we even have sex. Or maybe we wanna test the waters, and if the sex is good, that leads to a more exclusive relationship.

My buddy slippyjo was talking about love in one of her recent posts. I Love Your Guts
“If I have 10 sweet delicious apples and I give you one, does my giving away the other 9 make yours any less sweet?” Well, with sex, the apples are unlimited. How special are the apples? If you have sex with me as my intimate lover (give me an apple), and then you give an apple away to someone else, did that make the apple you gave me any less sweet? As my lover, if we’ve agreed that the apples are SO SPECIAL that no one else gets any, and you give an apple away to someone else, does that mean we cut down the tree? If you give an apple away from “our” tree, then do I get to give the apples away too? What if you gave someone else an apple, and I never found out about it, is apple ignorance bliss? If you are giving me apples, do you still want to give them to others? And if you want to, do you? And if you’re an actor in the American Pie movie, can you fuck an apple pie? Pretty deep shit aye?

I saw my new honey twice in the past few days, and we didn’t have sex either time. Once was Christmas Eve, and we had kids (well young adults) here, and it was a long night. We were all tired, and she had to take her son home and didn’t come back. The second time was yesterday (Christmas day). Her family was getting together that night, her brother was flying in, etc. We were going to see a movie, but I screwed up the movie times. So, we went back to my place and watched a DVD. We only had a couple hours together, since she had to leave to get ready for the family thing. There was no sex at all, no deep petting or anything; she didn’t even seem interested. I know she was distracted with all the family stuff going on, and I’m sure there were other reasons, and I didn’t take it personally. But I wanted it, hell, it had been a few days! Of course I didn’t push it. It got me thinking though. This is the first time we’ve been together alone where we weren’t ripping each others’ clothes off in the first 10 minutes of seeing each other. Sigh.. Thought that was supposed to take a few months to happen…. (insert crying icon)

“Don’t go under the apple tree with anyone else but me, with anyone else but me.”
-- Ella Fitzgerald


digdug41 49M

12/26/2005 3:18 pm

sometimes I wish i could unplug that part of my brain at this point in time but yes sex can be a really wonderful thing when your with someone and you enjoy that person then having sex can be like becoming one when you reach the apex of it

roaming the cyber streets of blogland


rm_goddess1946 106F
13518 posts
12/27/2005 1:18 am

An Apple A Day.............

Live long...be healthy {=}

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...
{=}


warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
12/31/2005 10:48 am

Sex is actually mood-changing. Within any long term relationship regular sex is vital to its continuity and survival. It's a mystery to me why it should be so, but I see regular sex as being part of a person's general health and well-being.


BenefitsFriend69 57M/60F

1/1/2006 6:07 pm

lioness: Hi! Long time no see, hope all is well. Had a great holiday, thanks. Recovering today (New Year's Day). Hope you are well and are eating lots of apples these days.

digdug: Yes my friend, I am with you on that, wishing I had the ability to turn that part of my brain off. Sometimes it totally amazes me how much of my precious energy and attention it takes up. Must be because it is SO good..

goddess: Just one apple a day? Wah! Yes, I've heard of empirical studies that show how much sex improves your physical well being. And health. Must be why we all look so young.

wtrsong: So sweet, thank you for the advice. I'm the same way with sex and the oxygen analogy. If I don't have it a LOT I just don't feel as well.

warmandsexy: I agree, any couple I know that has issues with the sexulaity in their relationship isn't long for staying together. I would even be so bold as to say that it's the #1 cause of breakups, even bigger than money.

I think we may be on to something here. Have lots of sex and you'll be healthy and stay in relationships longer. Simple? Yes! Easy.. no...


Become a member to create a blog