Guilt Blog 01--Do you have it?  

BenefitsFriend69 57M/60F
1008 posts
8/17/2005 4:47 pm

Last Read:
5/22/2006 12:26 pm

Guilt Blog 01--Do you have it?

Where does guilt come from? How and why did we end up associating guilt with sex? Do you feel guilty when you do something you “should” not do? How about when you have sex with someone outside the context of your agreement not to do so?

Some would say guilt was invented by a certain religion (or many) as a way to get tithes. Others would say it’s a reaction to breaking morals (ugh, that word). Most would say they can’t help it or control it: it comes. I beg to differ.

I’m a big fan of a guy named Wayne Dyer, who wrote a book back in the 70’s called “Your Erroneous Zones.” He’s written loads of other stuff as well, and I think it’s all brilliant. In that book, he talks about guilt (and worry) being useless emotions, a complete waste of precious energy and thought cycles. He also says, that regardless of your social or familial conditioning, you can break free. And he talks about how to do it. It works.

Guilt is a feeling about the past, which does not exist, other than in your mind’s interpretation of events. Did you ever notice, no two people see the same past event the same way? So, why spin your head around about something that’s DONE? It happened, you did what you did. Now your task is to rid your mind of any guilty thoughts about it.

Some would say that there is a use for guilt: it helps you correct erroneous behavior. I think that’s erroneous thinking J. If you already know you’ve fucked up, then you know–pretty obvious. Take corrective action, do your best not to repeat that behavior (if it did not server you) and get rid of that worthless feeling of guilt.

This doesn’t mean we have free reign to hurt people or break our integrity. It just means shit happens. We all make mistakes. Don’t beat yourself up and make things worse by feeling guilty.

Have a beautiful, guilt-free day! And lots of sex.

BF


rm_rickey671 65M

8/17/2005 6:02 pm

Everyone has a certain amount of guilt, but very few will tell anybody that they do. It sems as I have spent more time on this rock I have become a person that views thing a lot more openly and just let the wild children run they will find there place in life for the most part. Nevertheless you will come across that odd duck in a field full wildflowers, if you look at the field and not the flowers.I have gained paitience, maturity and actualy care more for others than I thought I would have say 20 years ago.If all you want is the things you can't have you will push them even further away than if you take your time and slowley grasp the many isues that have iluded you when you wanted them so bad. But no mater what you do or what you try you can only be the man that you are inside. Just let go of all the crap that means so litle in your life and use the tools aroundyou and chisle out the man witin. As the years have carved the canyons of the Grand one and let your spiret sore and be me.


wyvernrose 38F
3895 posts
8/17/2005 6:15 pm

we said....except you put too much effort on the don't beat yourself up over it and move on.....

we must all live with the consequences of our actions....as you say you base your thinking on one of the many similar philosophies of the 70 which unfortunately without adequete explaination led many to persue courses which reduced consequence and responsibility....which isn't the point of the exercise at all.....

but that rather than wallow in the self serving emotion to put into course action to remedy

you shouldn't ignore ones emotions as you propose.....but not dwell on them either....

you should listen to them and consider them understanding within what context that sources them....wether it is social morality or your own...

In other words.....do you feel that way because society dictates you must.....or because your actions held undesired consequences for others and so amends is in order....and once this conclusion is reached taking appropriate action rather than merely dwelling on the emotion believing the feeling itself is sufficient punishment for the action whereas it is the consequence of failure to remedy the situation.....

to ignore or remove the emotional consequence of our actions creates a society without conscience which has indeed to many of our problematic legislation in action today....

WyvernRose


Tala4u2 54M  
2957 posts
8/17/2005 6:33 pm

I tried that GUILT thing like I try most things. It is filed away under the Same as Pain ledger. " Really good for other people " I leave it to the experts in S & M to play with

Tala, Wizard of The Kingdom of BooBoBia, DEITY,
PERVlander


BenefitsFriend69 57M/60F

8/17/2005 8:09 pm

BTW, the picture is me, last Halloween. I felt SO guilty dressing in drag..


BenefitsFriend69 57M/60F

8/17/2005 10:14 pm

Thanks Short and Ricky and mz for reading and boppin' in. Enjoying reading your stuff. wyvemrose--this is a timeless truth, not limited to 70's pop thinking. Yes, we must and do live with the consequences of our actions. That happens regardless of whether we beat ourselves up or feel guilt. No, we cannot ignore emotions. Quite the opposite: best to feel them, look at them, let them pass through and be done with the ones that do not serve us, such as guilt. (I like to linger with the ones that do serve me, like lust ). If our actions did indeed cause undesired circumtances for others, we must learn, move on, correct if we can, and not dwell. Emotional consequences of our actions are invented by ourselves, and are different than actions we take in the physical world to remedy. If the emotional consequence does not serve us, why have it drag us down and waste our precious energy, or worse yet have it lead to imbalance and stress and all the other undesirable consequences? Action can be taken separate from emotion.

xo
BF


wyvernrose 38F
3895 posts
8/18/2005 4:18 am

yet often emotion is the consequence of action ..... interesting....

but then as my husband says I seem often to be emotionally numb....but that's a long story....no take it from me you can't live without your emotional impulses.....and nor is it good to ignore them or even to isolate them...

WyvernRose


BenefitsFriend69 57M/60F

8/18/2005 5:41 am

I agree Rose, it's very unhealthy to ignore or isolate emotions. What I like to work with is the effect of the emotions on my mental and physical health, and using those emotions to see where I have growth work to do.

Anger is a good example. We are all human, we all get angry. If we try to say we don't, or ir we suppress it, we end up with all kinds of problems (physical and emotional). These days, when I get angry, I first look at the reason: where was my mind clinging to the way "I" think things should be, versus the way they really are? I feel the anger completely, then let it go. When I was younger, I'd stay pissed (angry, not drunk for my Brit buddies LO for days. Now, depending on the circumstance, the anger usually goes right through, and I'm done with it (there are lots of healthy ways to release it). Instead of walking around pissed off for a week, I'm pissed off for a few minutes, I get the lesson, and on I go. I'd much rather walk around happy than pissed off. It is MY choice, not the world's, as to how long I stay in an emotional state that does not serve my well being. So I can start to use negative emotions in a positive way, and get rid of them. Fast.

Back to guilt.. I am not saying I have no conscious or go through life not reflecting about what I've done. It is all about INTENT versus action and results of those actions. More on that in my next post, Guilt Blog 02--It's all about intent.


wyvernrose 38F
3895 posts
8/18/2005 7:47 am

lol told you I was coming back gonna read the next post.....I didn't say you were wrong just the emphasis was off

WyvernRose


runzwithknives 60F

5/21/2006 8:25 pm

So why do I have so much trouble remembering this even after I've read the book? Anger, no problem. That's gone in a flash because I simply will have not have an ulcer ever again.
I did this very recently. Lots of guilt. Is it so ingrained in us? It did make me feel better to admit where I was wrong to that person. But the task at hand is not repeating the bahvior. Because then it would mean not only that I have not learned and perhaps have no conscious, but that I cannot grow as a person. Glad I reread this today, G. xoxo


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