A Boring Story About Porn  

BenefitsFriend69 57M/60F
1008 posts
9/13/2005 11:03 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

A Boring Story About Porn

Porn, it’s not just for breakfast anymore! I have to admit, I have mixed feelings about porn. And in that light, what even constitutes porn? Artful expression, or tacky-ass crap that wouldn’t get a zoo monkey excited? All in the eye of the beholder I suppose. I must admit that I do own a “few” really well-done, tasteful, erotic movies that are NOT the style of sleazy 70’s lookin guys with elephant cocks squirting all over the plastic girls’ faces.. (Not that I have any problems with plastic girls!) The tasteful movies can be fun, and I call that art. But hell, now that I’m on AdultFriendFinder, all I need to do is go look at the web cams and voila! Free porn! And real people too, many of them VERY FINE. Imagine if this site were halfway technically sound–I’d love it here.

Anyway, I was in my crawlspace this evening (no not burying bodies or tending my meth lab) and I saw “that box.” You know, the one with all the cheesy porn movies that’s been sitting there all these years. I thought shit, what am I gonna do, leave these to my grandkids when I die? My mind went back in time, to how they got there.

Turn the clock back to 1991. I meet one of my lifelong friends, we’ll call him K just for fun. If he ever read this he’d know who he was, heh heh heh… We were working together as contractors, doing software system testing at a telecom engineering company. We hit it off right away, you know, one of those feelings you get when you just KNOW you’re going to be lifelong friends the moment you meet someone.

K was single in those days, and had the hots for Chae. He chased her and chased her, and she wouldn’t give him the time of day. I instigated and tried to talk her into it. Eventually she broke down and decided to go out with him. Six months later, she moved in with him.

K is black, a handsome guy, in good shape, intelligent, witty. Chae is Korean, 5 or 6 years younger than K. She used to wear these short, hot, stylish dresses around the building, a total head turner. And she smelled NICE, always had a flirty smile, knew just how to turn her head to make guys do double-takes. They made an awesome couple.

K collects porn. I’m not talking a little box with 10 or 15 movies, I’m talking a 4 ft long by 4ft wide by 4ft tall box. Hundreds. Well.. Turns out Chae’s a bit of a feminist, and she does not care for porn, and she doesn’t want it around the apartment.

One day at work:
K: “Hey Gene, I got a favor.”
Me: “Yeah man anything, what?”
K: “Well, you know, Chae and porn…”
Me: “Yeah.”
K: “Well I’m not sure how long this thing’s gonna last and I’m not throwin away all that good porn! Why don’t you hold it for me?”
Me: “Sure!” Like the pre-teen kid that just found his Dad’s Playboy stash.
K: “Allright I got ‘em in the car, let’s put ‘em in yours after the job.”

The box is actually feakin’ heavy! It won’t fit in the trunk, so we put it in the back seat. I take it home, out of the car, into a corner in the garage.

I was still married in those days, to D, and the kids were little. I didn’t think about the box for a few days. One night D says to me: “Hey, what’s in that box in the garage?” I tell her the story. She says, “Well why don’t we watch a couple?” Twist my arm..

That night, after the kids are in bed, I bring the box in. We start to look through the movies:
“Black Pussy”
“Blondes on Blacks, Blacks on Blonds.”
“The Librarian’s Oreo Experience”
“Licorice Twists”

And so forth. We crack up. D has always liked black guys so she’s poppin’ the first cassette in. Ugh.. And the second. Ugh.. Well.. Let’s just say it took a lot of sorting through chaff to get to the wheat in that box. But we managed to find a few pretty decent ones and enjoyed them here and there. Eventually, the box ended up back in the garage.

A couple months later, Chae moves out of K’s apartment. We’d seen it coming for awhile.
K: “Hey man I need my movies back.”
Me: “I don’t know K, -- D and I have gotten pretty attached.” Serious jokingly.
K: “Ah come on.”
Me: “Well.. Help me out man.”
K: “Okay just take a few out and gimme the rest back.”

So, I grabbed 10 or 15 and put them in a little box, and gave him his big box back. My little box went into the crawlspace. D and I and kids eventually moved to a bigger house, and rented out the one we were in. Somehow, the box got moved to the new house.

Two years later, D and I decide to call it quits. Saw that one coming for awhile too. We’re dividing up the stuff.

D: “Oh here’s this box of porn movies from K. I don’t want these, here. Hey, gimme his number, what’s he up to these days?”
Me: “What the hell I’ll take the movies. And he’s still with Nancy. Leave him alone, don’t be fucking up his life too, he’s happy.” (Actually my ex and I get along great, but there was a short time there where we were both a bit, ah, testy..)

I moved back into the first house, where I live now. The movies came in the move, and went into the crawlspace.

I started dating D2, and the box sat in the crawlspace for three years. D2 and I broke up.

I was home alone one night and remembered the movies. I crawled into the crawlspace and opened the box:
“Black Pussy”
“Blondes on Blacks, Blacks on Blonds.”
“The Librarian’s Oreo Experience”
“Licorice Twists”

And so forth. These will do just fine.

Eventually, they went back into the crawlspace, and I must say that the availability of erotic art on the Internet had had a thing or two to do with that.

I just bumped into them tonight. Hmm.. Well what the hell, for old time’s sake…


ruready4adark1 56M

9/14/2005 6:38 pm

I had such a box in my basement, sealed up when I moved in with my girlfriend who doesn't understand porn. Been sealed up in my old stuff and the girlfriend has since become the wife and we moved into this house.

One day I'm home alone and happen across my old stuff. I pop open the box and I find my old porn. I pick a tape, roll up a fat fatty and it's just like old times.

What do you get when you mix porn and a fat fatty? You get a porn left in the vcr that the wife finds days later and wonders who you had over the house watching porn. That sucked bad.

Stupid box.


BenefitsFriend69 57M/60F

9/14/2005 10:59 pm

LOL ru! I got Fat Tire (Colorado microbrew) comin outa my nose on that one! This quadruple confirms it: we WERE separated at birth. If I had a spleef for every fatty I rolled up with that box I'd be the man Bob Marley himself..


BenefitsFriend69 57M/60F

9/16/2005 10:02 am

Ha ha Candy! One thing you can be damn sure of: no way in hell that a husband will find ANYthing in a clothes hamper. It is invisble to him. Well, to all husbands.

Off to find my Cabana Boy manual so I can get a copy to ru before his Carribean trip.


BenefitsFriend69 57M/60F

9/16/2005 9:34 pm

Hey Short, whole new meaning to "teach your children well" heh heh.. You know, I'm missing a couple from that box. Discovered the missing after one of my summers working in Australia, when my high school daughter had the job of looking after my house when I was gone. I know damn well she took 'em, probably watching often with her b/f. AND the real pisser is they were the best couple movies in the bunch! The little shit! At least she has good taste, let's hope it was genetic.


Become a member to create a blog