Same Old Head Dance Just Anothr Day  

Becca53913 57F
151 posts
4/12/2006 10:58 pm

Last Read:
4/24/2006 1:00 pm

Same Old Head Dance Just Anothr Day

frustrated frustrated
anger anger anger
why me why now
stupid thoughts that plague me
GO AWAY LEAVE ME BE
I don't want to see or hear
what you have to tell me
it is all just fear
falling in that big deep hole
tumbling oh so slow

Same old head dance
just another day

sad sad sad
mad mad mad
please let me go
don't keep me here
where the pain is always near
falling in that big deep hole
tumbling oh so slow

same old head dance
just another day

cut cut cut
bleed bleed bleed
letting out the pain for all to see
all locked up inside of me
scared little dummy
falling in that big deep hole
tumbling oh so slow

same old head dance
just another day
dear God just let me be on my way

Loser at life
Becca


singleagain53578 47F

4/13/2006 5:22 am

Was that from your childhood or how you were feeling today? I am sorry I didn't stop over. Just because I have internet back at home again doesn't mean you aren't going to see me anymore. I stil love ya sis! We are going to be together ALOT this summer. I am going to be a thorn in yer butt! Love ya!

~SINgle~


Becca53913 57F
131 posts
4/13/2006 9:52 pm

Sorry to say it was today. AT least that rhymed. I have a terrible ear ache SiNgle nothing you could do. I know you are still stopping. I want to thank the three of you for caring and sharing so much of your selves. I am down to about $300 and am going to have a hard time finding a job. The lady at charter I called today about my plan said a lot of people work off the net. all I find is scams. She said it is for hospitals doing insurance claims. If anyone sees anything let me know!

I posted that last night actually or early this morning what ever the time. I hate going backwards. I feel like a big scum bag today. A trailer trash welfare case. A slob that is over weight. All my biggest fears have come true now. Guess nothing else to fear. I just wish I could cut all this fat off. I hate it so much!


rm_stubby241 56M

4/16/2006 4:52 am

Please accept the following story from my heart. Whenever and wherever I repeat this story it will always be dedicated to you.
This story is true.

This story is dedicated to and inspired by: Becca

It was going to be a cold one tonight. The temperature was already at ‒21 and with the wind chill it felt like ‒40. I had to find somewhere to get out of the cold. I wasn’t ready to die. I was still very young and had my whole life ahead of me.

I entered into a doorway. Whew at least the wind was gone. It was deceptively warmer without the wind. But the frostiness of the cold air still bit at my extremities. It was dark inside the door. Should I go further in or go back out. I chose to go further in. I hit something. It felt harsh against my leg and caused me to rub it. I knew there would probably be a bruise there later on.

Suddenly I felt a wisp of warm air. I paused; sure enough I could feel warm air coming from above. I jumped up I thought were several boxes, sensing and reaching for the warm air. I had reached what appeared to be a roof. I could climb no higher. I moved around trying to get as close to the warmth as I could. I found a spot that was nice. The floor was very warm and above me was a soft blanket. I lay down and curled myself up into a ball as best I could. It was comfortable. I fell asleep.

Suddenly, I was awakened by a loud grinding noise. The floor started to vibrate and gave off a rumbling sound. I was petrified, too frightened to move. I cried out for help, but I came to the conclusion that no one could here me. I wedged myself into a corner, so I could keep my balance. The floor seemed to be moving and had a mind of its own. I felt like it was trying to throw me off it. The rumbling noise increased in intensity. All of a sudden the warmth of my position gave way to a cold breeze. The chill in the air went right to my bones. I started to shiver. I couldn’t stop. All I could think of now is that I was going to freeze to death.

It seemed like an eternity before the rumbling died off. I was crying for help continuously now. I was cold. My joints were so stiff, I could not move. I could here voices nearby and kept crying out. Suddenly the roof lifted off from above me. A bright white light shone down at me. I must have died, I thought. I’ve often heard it said that you see a bright light as you proceed to the other world and the gates of heaven open up for you.
But wait, I felt a hand next to me. My eyes were still not used to the light. A second hand came down. The warmth of the hands was reassuring. I was not dead after all. I looked around and saw five faces looking at me. “Are you okay,” one of them asked. He isn’t moving, is he still alive,” yet another voice asked. I think so.
I couldn’t stop shivering I was so cold and I still couldn’t move. Some one took off their coat and wrapped it around me. The warmth felt sooooo good. I closed my eyes and drifted off.

When I awoke I was in a bed. Tucked in tight. I was warm. I had stopped shivering. My joints were sore, but I could stretch. Ah that felt good. There was some food and water nearby. I had a drink and a bite. I found I couldn’t keep anything down. I curled up and went back to sleep. Sleeping brought me peace.
I went through the same waking eating and drinking routine for many days. I could feel my aches and pains melt away. I started dreaming again. I dreamt of being held by someone. Just knowing someone was there, cheered me up. My thoughts started up again. Where was I, Who was looking after me? I haven’t seen anyone one for so long.
I got up today and walked around. I was a bit dizzy at first but soon got the hang of it again. I lay back down. This time I kept the food and water down. I felt so thin, like a wafer. I wondered what I must look like. I bet it wasn’t good.
I had a visitor today. They told me that they had found me a place to live. They said I was strong enough now to start taking care of myself again. I was frightened. We went out to the car. The cold air brought back memories. Memories I wish I didn’t have. My bones could feel the chill creeping back in. I was glad to get into the car. It was warm again. We drove for about 10 minutes when we came up to a nice house. Well, this is your new home. I was afraid. What would be inside the doors?
We went up to the door and knocked. A middle-aged man answered the door. Oh hi, we are expecting you. Come on in make your self at home. I looked around him. Stepped inside and was rushed by two children who came to greet me. They asked me my name. It was obvious by the way they spoke they new me and wanted me to feel at home. I was shy at first. But went over to see them. As I did a cat came wondering over. Sat down in front of me and just looked at me. He got up and walked away. Then a second cat came over. Not realizing I was there probably and just curious to see what all the commotion was, she hissed at me. She was obviously threatened by my presence. I took a step back as to indicate I would be no threat. She stopped hissing and walked away.
I peered around the children, who were laughing and talking. I lost track at what they were saying when a huge mongrel of a dog came up. Walked right up to me and sniffed. Get a way I thought. Dogs have a way of embarrassing a body and I wasn’t in the mood right now. The gentleman grabbed the dog by the collar and took him away. Good I thought. The children lead me into the house and gave me a tour while dropping my things off in my room as we went through it. This is nice I thought. The elderly man said all right everyone. It’s been exciting, but there is school tomorrow and you guys need your sleep.
I like it here, I want to stay.

At first I was called Westin, as that is where I crawled up into the car. But my new family calls me Wesley. See my pic (I couldn't get the pic to post here, but if you go to stubby241's blog for today you can see the pic !no tricks!).


singleagain53578 47F

4/17/2006 11:53 pm

Becca- I just read Stuby's story in his blog. It's dedicated to you. Go check it out at Stubby241

~SINgle~


singleagain53578 47F

4/17/2006 11:56 pm

    Quoting bbwDDs4XXX:
    Becca~ I wish you weren't feeling so low and so badly. Please try to reMember that God doeS not give us more than we can handle. Are you feeling any Better? Maybe we could meet somewHere tomorrow (SAturday) and sit and talk. HaVe you checked onlIne for graNts for your animal rescue? Just write the red letter down and add 85 on the end to see me EXCITEd. I hope you get my little puzzle and send me an email.
That is ingenious BBW. I love it! I had lost your e mail as well. Well Now I have it again. I am not sure Becca understood your pizzle so I will pass it on to her.

~SINgle~


Becca53913 57F
131 posts
4/21/2006 7:24 am

bbw sorry I had not checked my blogs recently or wanted to live life at all. Kris did drag me out Sat. Had some good rays of sun going. I will post a blog today. I sit here and cry knowing that you guys are truly care and I thank you from deep down in my spirit. Ya lets get together.
crying eyes for now/ sorry not wanting a pity party just low point
Becca


Become a member to create a blog