First post!  

Becca53913 57F
151 posts
3/17/2006 10:07 pm

Last Read:
3/25/2006 4:59 pm

First post!

Well this is my first post in my blog. I am in the process of casting off who people want me to be and becoming who God created me to be. I am so tired of being someone I am not "the public face". I guess I learned this very early in childhood.

Well now I am 46 yrs old and it is about time I figured out who the real me is.

Things I know. I love God & family, Taking photos, Animals, Books, Art, passing it forward ( passing forward a good deed to keep kind acts going) what you sow you reap.

What I have recently learned or admitted to myself:

I gained weight to shelter myself from having people know me, fend off rejection, meeting men, staying safe behind the wall.

I have not dated in 10 yrs! oh my God! What a long time to keep yourself locked up tight to feel safe, fend off rejection, put my feelings on the line and so on.

Suppression of feelings make your body sick.

God created us as sexual beings and ignoring it does not make it go away.

I am ready to join the world again in a more active role. I wanta go out there and laugh and have a great group of friends and have some fun again. I wonder if it is like riding a bike you do not forget you just start out a little rusty and gain momentum as you go.

Ps not looking for sex, nude photos, group sex or any of that. Just looking for good friends right now. Thanks for respecting that.

HeardLankaMalls 55M
2925 posts
3/18/2006 4:07 am

Nice first post Becca. Welcome to the blogs. Seems like you've made some decisions to make changes in your life. Good luck!!

Keep up the writing.


kyplowboy22 61M

3/18/2006 5:29 am

Welcome to Blogland, kid. Hope you find us to be a good sort. There are people of all descriptions on here and all are quite welcome and you are too. I have been on here for the better part of a year now and I have met friends that I will have for the rest of my life, I am sure. There is just something almost magical about the openness that you find on here, I bet before long you see that you are not different at all from most other people on here. We are all here because we needed something in our lives that was missing and the blogs became our common bond. Hope you get the chance to come around and visit my blog, I try to write something for everyone's interests. Hope to see you around. Have fun. Later


93 posts
3/18/2006 6:35 am

Welcome back to Life, Becca. I understand where you're coming from, as I started that journey myself a while back. It's a fun trip - enjoy the ride

Becca53913 57F
131 posts
3/19/2006 4:17 pm

Thank you Cor612 this is one of the steps of not hiding me. Well a small step as I did not post a pic and it is not in person but it is a start!LOL

Becca53913 57F
131 posts
3/19/2006 4:19 pm

KYP I think I am at the right place then. I will sure check out your blog and I thank you for the warm welcome!

Becca53913 57F
131 posts
3/19/2006 4:21 pm

SolaEQ how is it going? Are you finding that you are making a lot of changes. People warned me that not everyone will know how to relate to the changes and some will of cource not like them!

Becca53913 57F
131 posts
3/24/2006 10:01 pm

Hawk, I use to absolutely hate myself. I mean really detest everything about me. I hated my body because I feel trapped in fat that is not me. I hide there and flutter and flutter trying to get out! I hate how I look, how I talk sometimes, my laugh and I am pissed at myself for being so weak! I hardly ever look in mirrors hence no pic on the site. I would have to look at it everytime I posted. LOL I would stop posting I think, or maybe my real fear is people would stop talking to me. I am all I have to offer and if that is not good enough what is left? I hate that I walk this earth and I am so homesick for God. Now I found that way of thinking only made it harder. Hence the journey. God loves me. I need to find out why I cannot love myself. I am beginging to except myself now. I post instead of just read along with Sin. To be free I have to find self exceptance. Just was told to often that I should not think that way, why do those things, I worry about you, I don't know you and (the famous) you are just like your father side of the family not mine! Oh my gosh this sounds aweful. Must be because I am so tired and my defenses are down. I really am getting much better on my search for me. I tend to slip from time to time. Now is a financial desaster in my life being sick so I get some what depressed at times. But really God had provided for me. They say if you do not have 6 months wroth of bill money saved up you are one day away from being homeless. Tell that to God. I have not been able to work since the end of NOv. and am not homeless. I still have my house! Gotta go this is sounding like a pitty party and I don't intend it to be! Just tired and my daughter is having some problems... off to the sack why you all party away. Hope all are having a great time. Let me know when you all crawl out in the afternoon how it went! Hope this didn't change your opinion of me. Kinda scary.

Becca53913 57F
131 posts
3/24/2006 10:07 pm

Wow I am tired. Lots of typos! will probably delete this post tomarrow when I get time. Need to leave it for at least a day to go along the journey. All sides of my soul need to be exposed. The good, the week and even the ugly. LOL
A better day is only one sun away

singleagain53578 46F

3/25/2006 7:31 am

Becca-- we alll get depressed at times and hate certain things about ourselves. You know how much I hate myself as well. We just have to work on our self esteem together.

You are a great person, wonderful friend, and caring cousin. I am thankful that we have become close these past few years. You have helped me through alot of pain and suffering I have gone through lately. I am always there for you as well when you need me. The Sauk County group is a great internet family to have as well. We are lucky to be a part of them. Hawk has alot of great advice. He is a wise man, let him teach you how to find yourself.


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