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Are our dreams reality of Reality our dreams?
Are our dreams reality of Reality our dreams?
Dreams are a strange state of being. Is our dreams reality or is reality our dreams? We may never know until we die. Maybe both are a strange reality we refuse to understand. If we pay attention I think that we may gain some insight into the world our conscious mind will not acknowledge.
I am a very healthy glowing women in all of her beauty. I am curvy smooth and young. My limbs and body are fat free and in fine tone. My breast are erect and full but not overly large. My skin is silky soft to the touch and I feel like the true me. The one I was created to be. I am neither short nor tall. It doesn’t matter what color my hair is but I think it is a golden light brown. My pubis hair matches my head so I know my hair is chemical free.
I am in a bedroom with French windows that lead to a patio. The curtain is blowing in a tropical sea breeze. We are here to direct and shot a film and this bedroom is part of the set. The doors are attached but not with the strength of normal hinges. They look good but are done cheaply because every thing must be torn down when we leave so that this tropical paradise is returned to its former glory. I feel a yearning to stay here forever in this moment. Naked standing on this balcony the sea breeze gently caressing my air back off my shoulders and I think heaven may be like this and I thank God for this moment.
I walk forward out onto the belcony and look at the beach. The water is a clear blue/green. I can see the rocks below the surface and I see jagged rocks on the far side of the inlet. In front of me is pure sandy beaches. I am glad we found this place of enchantment. It is so perfect so right to shoot our film here.
I contemplate where my new husband is at this moment. I know that marrying him was not right but I could not resist. He will not be faithful but looking into his eyes and seeing the laughter and the glow of life refreshes me. For now I will be content with that. He has made no promises. I wed him knowing. Betrayal is not part of his makeup and I know it pains him when he is restless and I see him try to resist straying from me but his nature is strong. Sam is who he is.
My mind wanders on to the film we are shooting. We are way behind now in production. We have lost a week or more. I need to hurry now because we allowed ourselves time to partake in this aura of beauty.
Where is Sam at this moment? Whose bed he is in. Whose arms hold him? I shake these unproductive thoughts from my mind and move on.
I need to gather everyone before tonight as my family will be joining us to preview what has been shot thus far. The quality is supurb but the quantity is poor. This week we need to make up time.
I pull on a tank and some shorts loving the long smoothness of my legs. This feels so right, so me. I open the door careful not to let it slide off its temporary hinges walk down the hall and start checking rooms. I need to get everyone going.
I feel apprehension opening doors. Should I be knocking first? Do I want to see Sam in someone’s embrace? No. I don’t. I stand in hesitation when the next door opens and one of my prominent actors emerges.
“Hey” I say “have you seen Sam?”.
“No” he says with a downward glance.
"Not sure where he is." He leaves with sympathy all over his face.
Sam’s infidelity is no secret among my production company. This makes me feel a sadness. For them or for me I am not sure.
Heading to the parking lot I am hoping that everyone is there. I don't like knocking on doors. They know that we are behind.
We have all been so lax in this ethereal environment. They know we need to step it up. We all need this income and I need this film to keep my career going and many of them do also.
I am only here by chance. This is a one time thing either I prove myself or I don’t. I want to continue on this path of life. Sam is the lead man in this script. He influences things a great deal. I will need to talk to him.
I leave our make shift building and enter the parking lot. Everyone is fighting about who should ride with whom and why. Some of the guys drive to fast and reckless. The majority do not want to chance a wreck that could cost them their career. I should hire a bus that would settle this dilemma.
Sam shows up looking a little sheepish.
“Couldn't sleep last night love?” He asks as he embraces me.
"You have dark circles beneath your eyes." He presses soft kisses down the side of my neck and I feel his love to my core an intertwining of souls. I feel infused with the warmth of it. I feel it spread through out my body and know why I married him.
“Sam I love you. We have to get going now.” I say clinging to his warmth.
“We don’t want to lose all our dreams. We have to get back on track”
Sam agrees and we climb into the wreck of a car we were given. The ride is fast and it scares me at points but exhilarating all the same.
The dream now takes a leap to a new scene. It is like I am in a movie making a movie. The scenes are shot in sections not always in order but merged into a total whole by the end.
A women from the foster care office is in my room. We are arguing about a child that was in my care a year or so before.
“I thought he was with his daycare provider now? He is more comfortable there. I thought this was all settled?” I say losing my patience with this woman.
I don’t need this right now and we are way behind film production. I need to get rid of her. She isn’t taking no for an answer. I leave the room with her stalking behind me.
“I have to go. Leave it as it is. He is happy there.” I say over my shoulder.
“The woman thinks he needs to come back to you, madam.” This persistent woman will not give it up. She is keeping right in step with me and arguing as I hurry down the stairs.
“Not now!” I exclaim.” Do you not see that I have neither the time nor the inclination to take this boy back? He is better off not being with me. Keep him where he is or if she is adamant then find him a new, happier placement. He never wanted to stay from the first moment he came to me.” I chide her.
“Now let me be!” I say sprinting ahead and getting free of her constant chatter.
The days work needs to start and again no one is around. I know where everyone is. They have paired up with this one or that and are making fabulous love on the beaches, in the rooms and in the rural towns. I need to gather my crew. What the hell has gotton into everyone. Playtime is over. I shake my head knowing the social service women has upset me but what I told her was true. What she didn't know is the boys father works for me. He is afraid of him because of his mothers lies. I need to tell her that so she understands.
I head to the tiny home of a rural girl. I know Manual is there with her. She is far to young and to knowing for one of my crew to get mixed up with. On top of that she is pregnant. We didn’t need that to contend with.
Reaching the house I push the door open and surprise them lying on the bed. They were kissing but I don’t think anything else had happened. I Look at Manuel and motion with my head. He just did not get what the ramifications could be on a small island like this. I knew this child/women with her haunting eyes was a huge temptation. She is not a virgin. She is at least 6 months pregnant. I can not take any chances with the village girls and their parents. He cannot be blamed for that as we have not been here that long.
We will be here for many months to come and
I don’t need any trouble with a valued crew member.
“Let’s go.” I said as I turned and left the small squat room.
Looking at the ground I hoped that he would get the message this time.
“I am sorry.” He said also staring at the ground.
“I have let you down.” He said shaking his head.
Nothing more needs to be said. My crew likes me and respects me but I know Sam’s behavior is a constant influence on the rest of the production crew and actors alike. Well, there was nothing I could do about that besides damage control.
Sam’s taste ran more to the actresses then the village girls. It was their brilliant acting skills and the roles they played with him as their leading man. That is his turn on. He brings the role into his real life and gets lost in it.
More to come I am tired. Lots of nights I pick right up where I have left off and I still do not have the first night on paper. I feel consumed with the writing of this. What is my mind trying to tell me?
6/10/2006 5:38 pm
I'm assuming this is an actual dream? The long ones get especially confusing. But good luck with getting it all down, not to mention getting something out of it. |
6/12/2006 8:58 am
Vrec I always have so much detail in my dreams and yes I did dream this. I try to write them down before I forget them. Some stick longer. I did not even print all of it yet. Blogging is for ourselves and for anyone who cares to stop in.|
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