And now a word from the sponsor....  

BaronessK 52F
1646 posts
5/23/2006 2:41 am

Last Read:
11/5/2006 9:12 pm

And now a word from the sponsor....

It's a grand idea. Actually it's an absolutely fucking fantastically grand idea: to make a club here on this site for all us women who don't have 'sloppy seconds' to give away {although they may be sloppy firsts, since we don't know because we haven't slept with them}. These are guys that we are basically 'pimping' out to someone else because we had already decided back whenever that this guy was never, ever going to get the chance to have any type of sexual relations with us what so ever; it's to get them out of our hair, in to someone else's hair, and to get a fellow sister hooked up.

I've already decided the basic tenets of the club; the name is 'Pimp My Friend'. We get their general information, first hand from whomever is pimping them, put a link to their profile, and any other 'statistical' information that certain women require. If said information is unknown, I have already begun acquiring volunteers of the female persuasion to check them out {in the interests of accuracy of research, you understand}.

I have enlisted mzhunyhole's enthusiasm for the task by nominating her as moderator of the group. I feel that we will need at least one woman, including mzhunyhole, in every major area {just to adequately cover all the bases, of course}. We may need more than one per area, or perhaps smaller areas in certain geographic locations, due to the overwhelming ratio of men to women on this site.

*banging penis-shaped gavel to bring the House of Commons into dis-order* Hear ye {hear he}: I, Baroness K, of the Royal House of Hanover of Germany, do hereby nominate Lady MzHunyHole as Moderator, Royal Tester {and Teaser}, and Go-Get-Him for the National Blogland 'Pimp My Friend' Club. So it is spoke and written and confirmed this day, the Twenty-First {21st} day in the month of May in the year of Two-Thousand and Six {2006}. May God have mercy on their souls {and whatever body parts they protect}.

P.S. They don't really deserve protection; one of them has already not only volunteered but also has suggested that we get all the males together with all the females at the same exact time. I'm insulted...that I didn't think of it myself originally. Leave it to a guy...and he'll try to have sex with it....

Meeting adjourned. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming. Stay tuned tomorrow -- same bat channel, same time....

Djeeper1987 47M

5/23/2006 7:36 am

Carpe Diem

BaronessK 52F

5/23/2006 2:04 pm

Baby, baby, baby...first off, ya rubbin on the wrong thing. A little lower; yeah that's it, just a little lower...oh, baby, yessss! Whoahhhh, daddy, come to mama! *LOL*

I post a response to your hundred question blog and I get an emoticon? Dude, hmmmm.... Make it last baby! *L*

Come on, hunny bunny, doncha wanna? Be all that you can be; do it for your country, your fellow...well, ya fellow women, anyway! *L* Do you want to be the only guy not walking around funny? Get with the program, Sarge...SALUTE! *LOL*

*This has been a paid advertisement; the views of this post are solely those of the advertiser, unless you have an active brain cell and some libido. However, in my never so humble opinion, I think one of the 'sistas' ought to grab this guy, sling him down, and ride him like a jockey going for the Triple Crown!*

Over and out; Roger Wilco. You the bestest G.I. Joe, papasan!

boredatnight3 49M

5/23/2006 10:12 pm

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWwwwww you women are terrible! How dare you treat us as sex objects!

BaronessK 52F

5/23/2006 11:44 pm

*perk* Someone say sex?!

By the way, dear, better to be the object instead of knowing they use BOB {battery operated boyfriend}/an object! *L*

{DID I hear the word sex?!}

Notice you did NOT say that you were not interested in joining, though. Hmmmm.... *LOL*

{I could have sworn I heard the word sex.} *ROTFLMAO*

{I crack me up, way too much; but as long as I'm amused, ehhhh, what the fuck! }

BaronessK 52F

5/24/2006 5:08 am

By Royal Decree, I, Baroness K, of the Royal House of Hanover of Germany, do hereby add an immediate addendum to the Charter for the Pursuit of Happiness -- expatbrit49 is demanded of him, body and soul {mostly body} to immediately commence duties as the Royal Patron Sinner, oops, Saint of the National Blogland 'Pimp My Friend' Club. {We're not HEATHENS, you know.}

So it is spoke and written and confirmed {because it's good to be the Baroness, who has the only password to this Blog} this day, the Twenty-Fourth {24th} day in the month of May in the year of Two-Thousand and Six {2006}. May God have mercy on our souls....{and whatever body parts expatbrit49 protects, fondles, licks, sticks...uhmmmm, never mind; strike that last part from the record, Moderator mzhunyhole.}

BaronessK 52F

5/25/2006 11:04 pm

I have already started coming up with nominees for victims...uhmmmm, candidicks, uhmmmm, candidates. As usual, it's mzhunyhole's 'fault'. She posted a while back under the title "Make me a sandwich".

I told her on that post as well as mentioning it in one of mine I think that I had already thought up several, not just two -- so could I pretend I'm making a 'Dagwood' sandwich? *L* J, of course, is one; along with talldarkavg1, expatbrit49, company_od, nightguy_1961, keltep69, yukonpaul, skyking412004, laserdude38503, djeeper1987, wildoats19622, and dankos2069.

I know I'm being a bit greedy, but the even dozen works out, you see; 2 for every day of the week with one day to rest up.

J is on the list because of all the obvious and not so obvious reasons, but he's not available for pimping {and he doesn't have a profile}. tda1 is here because he is incredibly sexy and funny and looks so wonderfully strong and cuddly with those incredible laugh lines and all. brit makes the list because he's a perv but sweet and funny, and therefore should have been on the end of the list since you'd probably need the time to rest up! *L*

company is just the sweetest, and gawd I go for the 'big ol boys'; he'd be an intense but gentle one in a private situation. Nightguy just has that aura; I'd swear any experience with him would be cosmic. keltep is a sweet, weirdly humorous, cuddly thing, who is probably kinkier than a run over slinky. yukon is another 'big ol boy' and would be the sweetest, gentlest, slow handed man.

As for skyking, well he seems to be so quiet and all; and y'all know what they say about the 'quiet ones', right? *G* Take a look at his profile; Native American, green gorgeous eyes, a sense of humor, a great sex drive.... *sigh*. laser got on the list for his genetics, I admit it; but gawd the furriness of the man; he'd be hard to handle one. jeeper seems to be a tall one, and you never know what kind of situations we could get ourselves into, among other qualities he has including probably knowing exactly how to get into all of those things! *L*

wildoats, well, you have to give it to him for experience and wisdom, cuddliness and kindness, and intelligence; he'd be one to take you slowly up and then take you even higher at rocket speed. Now on dankos, well, it's all fantasy right? So you figure it out! Nah, I will add to his, too; he's got a sense of humor, he's got luscious lips {yes, I have seen his photo}, he's looking for someone special and he's working on that.

So, see, 'sistas', those guys are just the TIP of the 'iceberg'! *L* Get going, get looking, and get sweaty, uhmmmm, lucky...well, hell, y'all know! *L*

BaronessK 52F

6/5/2006 6:32 am

Patron Saints from expatbrit49 {of course...and you'll see why I said that if you keep reading}. Go to his post, through that link, and you'll get the first part of what I'm copying over to here.

"Now, darlin' brit, how do you figure that TALKING about a blowjob and all is going to help solve or explain anything? Not that I am not always more than willing to answer even questions that I wasn't asked.

The Patron Saint of Blowjobs should know/do the following:
*Suck a golf ball through a garden hose; know that it's usually not preferred she use that much pressure on a living being
*Speak several languages; use none of them during sex, except maybe sign language
*musically adept at humming; be able to match the rhythm of Muddy Waters, et al, when played during sex
*seem to have more than two (2) hands; be able to never really use them on area in question as much as 'other things'
*have female version of Kiss band's Gene Simmons' tongue; know how to use it
*small teeth or otherwise know when to 'cap'/cover them; nibbling is fine in most cases, but biting is a no, No, NO

That's all I can think of, for the moment; probably because I'm thinking about myself and it's hard to put into words what goes on in my mind automatically during something like that. Actually, I should have added realize that sometimes a blowjob IS the WHOLE act; and that spitting is not nice, swallowing is good, but gargling with it is just showing off.

BTW, in case it wasn't obvious...I can suck a lime back out of a Corona bottle, speak several languages but rarely do any real talking during anything, reproductively tone deaf but luv Jazz and Blues (MW in particular), hyperactive when need to be, have a tongue that touches my chin (etcetera), seem to still have my baby teeth AND know how to cover them if needed, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

Don't know what J would think about me giving samples of my skills, though; it is the reason I was a virgin (intercourse-wise) until I was 18, though. Do you think he'd buy the reasoning that I was doing it for my country, to strengthen relations with our Allies?"

Actually, the more I think on it, the more I want to be the Patron Saint of BlowJobs {Fellatio} AND of 'Perv'/'Kink'...I'm sure I qualify with MY 'Purity' score on this site!

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