What would u do for a friend?  

Barbiebunny69 43F
1457 posts
7/8/2005 1:22 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

What would u do for a friend?

I have a popular friend on here that I adore. Sometimes tho, Men try to use me or her other friends to get information about her, who shes dating or how is she doing.

She had expressly told me that any inquiries of that nature to me I do not, cannot answer. Nor does she do that with me when the situation is vice versa.

I got such a letter from someone.

First it perplexes me why theyd even ask me instead of her. Second, they didnt have the courtesy or the decentcy to even ask how I was going. I guess he was asking my friend about me. Third, he knew that we dont speak of eachother like that. SO he found it highly offensive when I told him to take a hike and blocked his whiny ass.

He continued to berate me indirectly on a popular group board but I remained silent. But its really beginning to get under my skin.

What should i do..

And how much heat u take for honoring a friends wishes is too much? Or is there? DO i shut up and take it?Or do I fire back?

ByteChaser2 52M

7/8/2005 4:23 pm

Gas up the flame thrower and load the magazines. I know what kind of friend you really are Bunz. I just hope I'm not in range when the anti-tank mine goes off!

Who's got your back? Squirrel Boy does!

ByteChaser2 52M

7/8/2005 4:27 pm

Oh, and to answer that question... All I can say is there is nothing I wouldn't do or suffer for my friends. I know I wouldn't quit until the last whisps of smoke rose off the smoldering pile of burnt out bones.

SeekingFun337 63M/60F
657 posts
7/8/2005 4:44 pm

Obviously, the person who is berating you, is attempting to intimidate, and undermine your determination. Firing back seldom helps unless you have substantial leverage which will result in a change of direction from your oppressor. This is unlikely in this setting. It becomes a case of one upmanship, and he will hope to break you down. That is his goal. I am surprised AdultFriendFinder allows the berating given their policies, etc. You should simply state the truth, in clear terms, that the person to whom he wishes to speak, or about which he seeks information, does not wish to be pursued, or for the information to be given out. The general population values their privacy, and wishes to set their own limits, etc. Based on this, the overall population of persons would normally aggregate to your position. You normally will lose ground, and credibility with attacks, or an aggressive response. You do not have to just shut up and take it, but any response will lead to his continued attempts to out do you, as well as firing back. Who among us does not want our friends to honor our wishes in such a situation. Therein is the strength you seek. Trust is a valuable commodity, and, if your friend has trusted you with something, then very few, if any, circumstances would justify disclosure. My opinion is that you should either not respond, and let the situation hopefully diffuse itself, or respond in a manner which tactfully discloses your position, and the reasons for it. In many cases, when the oppressor finds the community/population is not supportive, they will either move on, or increase the volum to the point they are no longer credible. The obvious, and real question is, where do you stand with you, and others, if you do not honor your friends wishes, and why is the seeker of the information going about it this way? Time is usually on your side as well, because these things grow tiresome, and old.

__Huntress__ 55M/57F

7/8/2005 5:04 pm

Friends take the heat ... that's just the way it is ... I think you should tell us all who he is and then we'll all send him a "berating" e-mail. Seriously, the more attention you pay to people like this the more you feed into their particular brand of neurosis ... ignore him ... and he'll have nothing left to feed on !

yellow9252 45M

7/8/2005 5:28 pm

There's no such thing as too much heat for a friend. You've more or less said as much in previous posts. I would have thought a friend would have taken the flak to a certain extent to help you out.
Shut up and take it or fire back? There will be a time, if he doesn't back off, that you'll have had enough. Calculate your response instead of acting in anger. (Don't want to see your cute ass getting punted!)
Good luck


7/8/2005 5:42 pm

The bonds of friendship are always sacred,kick his sorry butt and make him squeal instead of whine FIRE WITH BOTH BARRELS

{=} Blonde

paintmeblue 62M

7/8/2005 5:43 pm

Just my personal opinion, so please take it for what it's worth.

Berating you is childish, so this is pretty easy. You don't shut up and take it, and you don't fire back. Timing is important, a quick response to connect his behavior to your response. Treat him like a child, point out how his behavior is unacceptable, the more politely you do it the better, and that you're offended by it, and neither you nor your friend want any further communication from him.

If he turns it into a flame war, grit your teeth, stay polite, apologise to the group for his behavior, and you should get allies who'll help.

We hope.

Apolybear 54M

7/8/2005 8:14 pm

Report his ass to AdultFriendFinder and get his profile removed. If he creates another, same thing. And, you could always get him kicked out of the group with a simple email to the moderator...

And Bunny, Let him rant on, so all will know him mad...

keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
7/8/2005 8:43 pm

Ignore this person no matter what is said. It takes two to fight in most cases. They will soon tire when they discover that you have no buttons for them to press. Confine the entire episode to the dustbin of history.

Also, read these responses and do not forget that old blogging adage...

Go not to the bloggers for advice for they will say both yes and no.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Barbiebunny69 43F

7/8/2005 9:30 pm

Keith it is better than a magic 8-ball.

tootsiedippin 53M/53F
1078 posts
7/8/2005 10:03 pm

First, ask your friend...

…(I’ll be amazed if anyone actually get through this whole thing)…

Think about where this is going. Is it a point of pride? Is it really going to effect/ affect you as a person; is it going to cause a change? People blow off when they do not get what they feel they deserve and becomes a personal thing, but 6 months from now how is it really going to change you. What people witness in how you handle this will last longer than how an ass acts. And your friends will take note of how you act also. You, my dear, are an intelligent girl who understands the value of honor and loyalty and the burden that they cost.
You can take the God Father approach and burn this person down. And, if you do, then make war; march like Sherman across the south. Be the vorpal Bunny in” Monty Python’s Search for the Wholly Grail”! Be prepared for the casualties that will be inflicted.
The romantic Ideal would be to stand and take the bullet; to die with honor for the ideals held. Frankly, Handled with honor and grace, and like I said, your friends will know where you stand with them forever. And so will everyone else. Defend with fact and never be personal.

*Going to get on the soap box now and confess at the same time*
“Bless me father for I have sinned”
I know of a little man that never let anything pass him when he felt he was wronged. I say this because I have met the many persons he went to war with. I personally have never met him. He was angry at the world for not giving him his due. And he made sure to take advantage of every situation to his favor regardless of cost. I was shocked after several encounters with these people just what an ass I was. OK I hear the breaks screEEEeching you to a halt. And I say again I have never met this angry person. Why….because my clock was wiped clean almost 8 years ago from an auto accident. While I was recovering, i.e.: learning how to do the basics like walk and talk, I would run into people who knew the other person. I would explain that I had know idea who they were and they would be sorry for about 2 minutes, then, with out fail, they would unload some story about how I had treated them. I was confused and a little bit angered but I let them unload because it just couldn’t be true. It was….for the most part. Now when I meet someone I don’t even bother to tell them I have no idea who they are and let them unload. I realized that when they knew I had no idea what they were talking about it was, for them, letting out their anger to someone who was dead. But if I let them make peace they are better for it. I made a personal decision never to be known as someone of this type again…
*Steps down*

So “let me explain…no let me sum up”- Indigo Mantoya from the princess bride-
How you act will define you as a person to all those who you encounter, as actions are louder than words….

Did anyone make it?...

Denver_Obsidian 43M
43 posts
7/8/2005 11:05 pm

What's a friend worth? In my life I've been (physically and mentally) beat up, shot at, cursed to my face by a woman I thought I loved, went through a street block of hell in a running gang fight, and rode shotgun on a search and rescue mission in war - all for friends. For no more noble a cause than family and friends does a person risk life and limb in reckless abandon.

Go for broke, girl... go for broke.

rm_sexanstuff5 34M
2 posts
7/9/2005 12:46 am

hey babe your fine and just wanted you to hear that today just so you know your the first person to catch my eye

XTommyTheKatX 41M

7/9/2005 2:02 am

Well, everybody's personality and way of dealing with confrontation and belligerent people is different, so I wouldn't presume to tell you what you should or should not do. However, I have a story to share in order to demonstrate how *I* handled what sounds like at least a very remotely similar situation.

Once upon a time, many moons ago (more than four or five can qualify as "many" right?) there was a young AdultFriendFinder-er named TommyTheKat. This young AdultFriendFinder-er met another AdultFriendFinder-er (of the female variety) in an Interest Group and exchanged flirtatious posts and e-mails. Eventually the two of them spent a reasonably fun and exciting afternoon together in a hotel room.

Some time subsequent to this meeting of the proverbial minds our young hero organized a Meet & Greet gathering of the group where they met. There were several incidents of not-so-nice-and-friendly posts in the group which the young lady was the author of, during the time leading up to the date for the Meet & Greet.

Finally the night of the Meet & Greet arrived and six delightful souls showed up and enjoyed one another's company. The contentious young woman who spent that afternoon in the hotel with young TommyTheKat was not one of these souls.

During the next few weeks after the Meet & Greet, the woman's posts started to become more contentious, until finally they became downright rude and abusive to the other members of the group... especially those directed at one particularly Sunny member of the group, with whom TommyTheKat had become good friends.

So young TommyTheKat, who had managed to calm the woman down before by politely reasoning with her and reassuring her, contacted this young woman privately and respectfully asked her to either stop making the abusive comments or to consider leaving the group. (Incidentally, the Moderator for the group was completely M.I.A.) The young woman got indignant (to put it politely) and retorted, both in a private e-mail and in public by posting on a group discussion thread, with a venomous attack on her former friend, young TommyTheKat.

Having clearly lost whatever rapport and influence he once had with this angry young woman, TommyTheKat replied in a strongly-worded e-mail that he, of ALL people (who had always treated her kindly and with nothing but respect) did not deserve to be spoken to that way and he would not stand for that kind of abuse and disrespect. Consequently, he blocked her from contacting him, and made a public announcement in the group forum that he was leaving the group due to the angry young woman's behavior. He felt this was necessary since he had tried to act as a peacemaker before and had smoothed over some of the angry young woman's abrasive behavior. He wanted there to be no misunderstanding by anyone in the group that he in any way condoned her childish beahvior.

TommyTheKat then left the group (along with several others), including the Sunny One and went and started their own new group where there would be an active moderator who would not allow such individuals as the angry young woman to run rampant. And what do you know? With a collection of friendly, intelligent and respectful AdultFriendFinder-ers, that group has grown to be among the most popular and active on all of the A.F.F.

So what is the moral of this very long tale? I guess it would be try the reasoning and respectful approach, but if the contentious person in question will not respond to that approach, then don't put up with any guff! Just move on and leave them in the dust to rant and spew their venom on nobody besides themselves. No one is impressed by that kind of immaturity and they'll only end up making themselves look like the idiots that they are. No point in letting yourself get tainted by that kind of negativity by engaging with those type of people on their own terms.

Wow, this is far and away the longest thing I've ever written on anyone's blog.

In retrospect, I don't think it really relates to your specific situation as much as I originally thought it would, but I spent so long writing it that I'm gonna post it anyway, dammit!

XTommyTheKatX 41M

7/9/2005 2:04 am

Crap. I forgot to put the periods in A.F.F. so it wouldn't write out the whole thing and now it looks silly: AdultFriendFinder-er. lol

artistforexploit 60M

7/9/2005 2:47 am

Barbie, block him, forget him, or find him & make him wish he had asked about you.

rm_LacyCuffs 49F
386 posts
7/9/2005 3:31 am

Never turn your back on a friend,just ignore this asshole have someone else just kick his ass...Lol no really alway's have a true friend's back. No matter what- Just use your better judgement in this case. *sitting quite*

cajunpet 70M
1185 posts
7/9/2005 3:42 am

I would do anything to help my friends.

My thoughts are to contiue ignoring this jerk, and have him removed from the group by the moderator. Also report him for abuse.

Take care.
Keep On Blogging!!!! Have a great day.

Cajun Pet

rm_RandomXS2 62M
88 posts
7/9/2005 6:03 am

Oh, LORDY!!! Are we back to this AGAIN???? First, anybody who knows you (and her - I'm guessing, but ya don't need to be Nostradamus to narrow that field down significantly) KNOWS better than to ask! How many times does a person have to be told? I can be pretty thick sometimes but even I know better! (More than that I understand and respect the reasons behind it.) I may ask if someone is still amongst the living if I've not heard from them for awhile, but the inquiry stops there. I know how to contact them. I try (if somewhat ineffectually) not to make a pest of myself.

Second - to not ask how you're doing is just flat-out RUDE! What are you? The corner information kiosk? Plug in a quarter and the oracle speaks? Sheesh! That's incomprehensible. (Nostradamous again - I'm assuming this person knows you - otherwise why would they be pumping YOU for info on HER?) It's usually the first or second line out of MY mouth! (Thanks again on the Dr. Pepper incident - that was HUGELY appreciated!)

ok...before this gets any more "inside" and obscure...

Slap on the Bunny Armor and let this roll off your back - I think you've handled it appropriately. To do more is to give more power to those who evidently lack it within themselves. You know you have your friends who will stand beside you. (Even if they are playing Random the Baptist in the middle of the freakin desert!) I know it's a pain and crap that you shouldn't be asked to have to deal with - in a world populated by people with class you wouldn't have to. Unfortunately we don't live in that world. As "the poor will always be amongst us" we can add "the stupid will always be amongst us" If we start reacting instead of acting they've already won.

Ummm...sidenote: Assuming my assumptions are correct (by no means assured) - I do communicate with the unspecified "other" - and I wouldn't dream of asking her some of those questions - if she chooses to tell me that is her choice - it's really none of my business - I'm not going to broadcast it or tell anyone else! (Whack me on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper often enough even I can learn! LO

(Juan S)
2642 posts
7/9/2005 9:29 am

WHO'S MESSIN WIT DA BUNNY???!!!??? I PITY DA FOOL!!!! (Me and Mr. T are on the way)

mygmyg 59M

7/9/2005 10:14 am

B Bunz, Hope your feeling better everyday!

Being the strong silent one will only further infuriate the small minded attacker. The unknown is what set him off, let him flail helplessly in the cavernous space his mind should occupy. His obnoxious assinine behavior is easily recognized by anyone who sees his postings, perception of the BUNZ, will not be altered by this SMALL PATHETIC MAN.

Again, hope your health is continuing to improve, Hugs to the Fabulous Bunz.

rm_Aristotle30 43M
13 posts
7/9/2005 10:51 am

Wow.. I remember that I used to do stuff like that when I was in the.. um.. 5th grade? Personally, I think that if you just continue to ignore this person they will end up going away.. They don't seem to realize that they are making themselves look like an ass to everyone around them. Anyone that keeps up with you knows that you are a very good and kindhearted person. Knowing that, also shows this other person for what they are.. a childish, immature, spoiled brat of a waste of skin. Personally, I say let them make themselves look stupid.

AmberSolaire 42M

7/9/2005 2:05 pm

What sort of a friend wouldnt deal with this problem for you.Its this friend the perp is after.It is the friend who will be able to end this.

If all else fails I have a few emergancy tricks.........point him in my direction.

Barbiebunny69 43F

7/9/2005 2:05 pm

(no random it isnt you lovie id whack ya hard with the newspaper and tell u why. this is someoneone different, but a very long winded poster at camp.)

Thank u all for your opinions. I enjoyed every one of them and opened up options and new ways to havelt this..ill still be listening to the thread and hold up on a decision until mid week.

Again thank u all for the well wishes and time to take a moment and give me your thoughts. I do value ALL of THEM

(bigghuggs n kisses.. chuggs more cranberry juice)

mnfun952 102M

7/10/2005 2:33 pm

yea... it's that whole - "a force unopposed, dissapates" thing... just ignore people and they will take their "maroonness" someplace else.

rm_meatn3 52M

7/10/2005 8:26 pm

supabunny- you are strong and wise...why you gotta deliberate on this chump? do real friends deliver ultimatums and toss out threats? not anyone you'd consider. block and roll! can't get enough of you. woman, you give good word. unh!

Sinderlicious 51F
310 posts
7/15/2005 2:27 pm

The friends who love and adore you are your mirror.

Thanks for being such an awesome friend..and when my time comes to step up to the plate Ima bat a homer.

Eye Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu sessyyyyyyyyyyy!

Sin like you mean it!

Barbiebunny69 43F

7/18/2005 11:36 pm

I laa u too my supersin jezebel

Thanks for the love and support gang!

Update: I split it down the middle with a factual warning to knock it off. After a month of silence on my end that should be enough to end it.

Othrwise im not going to give this foul person any more energy.
thanks again

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