What to do what to do  

Balibabe19 41F
534 posts
8/10/2006 5:10 pm

Last Read:
8/14/2006 3:05 am

What to do what to do

I am still in a quandry about my friendship with an old friend who I am finding, as time goes on, I am having less in common with her and really having some moral and ethical issues with how she is around her children.

I will put myself out there and god knows I may get alot of flack after this but I like to smoke marijuana...not alot about a cone a night after my kids are asleep and all my household chores are done...I guess it's my green glass of wine! never have I smoked in front of my children and they are never subjected to the smoking paraphenalia etc. I am very strict when it comes to that.

My friend on the other hand is the complete opposite..will smoke, get drunk and curse at her kids...see my post Is it harder as we can get older? and it will give some background to the catalyst of my dilemma.

So here I am not instigating contact and trying to seem aloof. But I am sure she will continue to call and drop around and get me to visit as I am a good friend...well i hope so at the very least. But I am not comfortable around her and the only thing to rectify it my mind is for her husband to apologise and mean it....and that I know is not an option...I do not want to get started about him!!

YIKES!! I am not one to shy away from confrontation but it seems to confront this is futile as I am not interested in reconciliation..the way thier lifestyle is going it will implode and I do not want to get sucked into the abyss!!!

Any advice??


8/10/2006 6:02 pm

Tell her the truth.

TonyPlays 64M

8/10/2006 6:09 pm

Hi Blibabe19,

I do understand about people that are totally out of control. Sometimes you do have to cut your losses. Perhaps you have to disconnect from her.

On the other hand she is your friend. Should you desert a comrade? Perhaps you should stick with her through thick and thin.

Only you can make this decision. Use your best judgement and make that decision. Just making a decision will make you feel better. And if you find you have made a mistake you can always change your mind about your decision. That would not be wishy-washy, that would be flexibility in what you decide.

Balibabe19 41F

8/10/2006 6:44 pm

Thanks for the advice I am going to have a chat tonite with my husband...I think I need to write her a letter..I think a flat out conversation would escalate into a screaming match...and in the letter I would ask if she felt so angry after reading it the first time to read again as it was not my intention...do you think that could help her not going off "half cocked"...as she does have a tendency to do so...and i am the first to admit that when attacked unfairly I can get very fiery and could tear strips off her like nothing else!

FUCK!!! I hate this!! I try so hard to put positive energy into this world and it makes me ill to think how much negativity this could bring!

TonyPlays 64M

8/12/2006 6:45 pm

Actually writing a letter is an excellent idea. That way you can think carefully and choose your words the way you want.

best of luck.

IsThisBetter4u 105M

8/13/2006 6:06 pm

Don't do anything around her kids that you're uncomfortable with; and when she's around you and your kids tell her why you've made the choices you've made hoping that it sinks in. If she really is a good friend, then explain to her your feelings and why you have them.

Try not to sound/be judgmental. Just come across as a concerned friend and leave it at that. I wouldn't try to force the issue or try to get her to change...ultimately that is up to her/them. But I wouldn't abandon her friendship over it. Many people raise their kids differently than I raise mine, but I don't turn my back on them as friends. Their value as friends lies beyond their relationship with their children.

Unless of course there's serious mental, emotional, or physical abuse involved. In that case you should kill them in their sleep and feed them to the lions. Of course that means you'd be adopting at that point.

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