Are u getting old???  

BEACHBNDBABE 43F
197 posts
11/2/2005 8:37 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Are u getting old???


Hope yall like....LOL!!!

I feel
Like my body
Has gotten totally out of
SHAPE
SO
I got my doctor's permission to join
a
Fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for SENIORS.
I bent,

Twisted,

Gyrated,

Jumped up and down,

and

Perspired

For an hour.

But,

By the time

I got my leotards on,

The class was:

OVER

**********
Reporters

Interviewing a 104-year-old woman:

" And what do you think

is the best thing about being 104 ? "

the reporter asked.

She simply replied,

"No peer pressure."

**********

The nice thing about being senile

is

You can hide your own

Easter eggs.

**********

Just before the funeral services,

the undertaker came up to the

very elderly widow and asked,

"How old was your husband?"

"98," she replied.

"Two years older than me."

"So you're 96,"

The undertaker commented.

She responded:

"Hardly worth going home,

Is it?

************

I've sure gotten old.!

I've had two bypass surgeries,

a hip replacement, new knees.

Fought prostate cancer and diabetes.

I'm half blind,

Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,

Take 40 different medications

That make me dizzy,

Winded, and subject to blackouts.

Have bouts with dementia.

Have poor circulation;

Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.

Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.

Have lost all my friends.

But, thank God,

I still have my:

DRIVER'S LICENSE

******************

A 97-year-old man goes into his doctor's office and says,

"Doc, I want my sex drive lowered."

"Sir," replied the doctor,

"You're 97, don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?"

"You're damned right it is!"

replied the old man.

"That's why I want it lowered!"

************************

An elderly woman

decided to prepare her will

and

told her preacher

she had two final requests.

First

She wanted to be cremated!

Second

She wanted her ashes

scattered over

Wal-Mart!

"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed

"Why Wal-Mart?"

"Then I'll be sure my daughters

will visit me

at least

twice a week."

*****************

My memory's not as sharp

as it used to be.

Also,

My memory's not as sharp

as it used to be.

**************

Know how to prevent

SAGGING ?

Just eat till the wrinkles

FILL OUT

I've still got

It,

But

Nobody

Wants

To

See

It.

************

I'm getting into swing dancing.

Not on purpose.

Some parts of my body

are

just prone to swinging.

***************

It's SCARY

When you start making

The same noises

as

Your coffeemaker.

**********


The GOOD NEWS

is

That even as we get older,

Guys still look at our boobs.

The bad news is

They have to squat down first.

********************

These days about half the stuff

in my shopping cart says,

"For fast relief."

*****************

I've tried to find a suitable

Exercise video

For women my age,



BUT



They haven't made one called

"Buns of Putty."

*******************

Don't think of it

As getting hot flashes.

Think of it as your inner child

Playing with matches.

*********************

Don't let aging

get you down.



It's too hard

to

get back up.!



The Moral to this post is:


Remember:



You don't stop laughing

Because you grow old,



You grow old because

You stop laughing.









THE SENILITY PRAYER :

Grant me the senility



To forget

The people I never liked anyway,



The good fortune

To run into the ones I do,



and



The eyesight

To tell the difference.

And finally,

Put on that happy

SMILE

and

Your day
Will be full of sunshine,

Wine and Roses ! !

Lextyranus7 56M

11/2/2005 12:57 pm

Great Comments... I really like the memory ones... been known to have such moments..lol

R


NickRules999 39M
9462 posts
11/2/2005 6:35 pm

That was funny. I like it. LOL

Come into my realm! You aren't afraid...are you?


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