Why Men Cheat  

AtomicKisss 58M
80 posts
8/3/2005 5:37 am

Last Read:
4/5/2008 5:41 pm

Why Men Cheat

“Taste-o-Maple” sent me an e-mail asking for my insight into why men cheat. Here are my ideas (please share yours).

1)About 10% of the men are dogs and they will never change. Women are attracted to them because they are “bad boys” ‒ look at Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown. People with addictive tendencies gravitate towards these men because bad boys always cause a surge of adrenaline and adrenaline is often substituted for the initial addition.

2)Couples set themselves up for cheating. The woman plays the “Miss Priss” role, the man wants something a little kinky but how can he ask Miss Priss (and how can Miss Priss say “yes”? The Soprano’s dramatizes this well ‒ the Italian man could never ask his wife for oral sex. Instead, he goes elsewhere and keeps his wife “pure.”

3)Men cheat for the same reason that women go above and beyond the call of duty to look like the model in fashion magazines ‒ they have low self-esteem and a misplaced set of values. Not being able to achieve their unrealizable goals (usually money), they become susceptible to flattery from other women. Some people theorize that Bill Clinton (Monica) was prone to this after he failed to broker a peace accord in the Middle East and win the Nobel Prize (his life goal).

4)Sexual addiction

5)Poor coping skills (primarily using sex to relieve stress).

6)Co-dependency. There is something called the co-dependent dance. Because both people are “clingy,” when one gets too close, the other pulls away (everyone needs space) ‒ and they oscillate back and forth. Unfortunately, co-dependents cannot stand rejection (or what they perceive to be rejection). Therefore, if one partner pulls away too far, the cycle of rejection is started and they can “act out” by cheating.

7)Many men are jealous if the woman has much more sexual experience than he does. Combined with other factors, this could set the stage for infidelity. (Not so applicable for the AdultFriendFinder population).

A history of trauma (abuse). The more severe the abuse, the more likely the person is to cheat (unless the abuse issues have been resolved). This one is especially true for the AdultFriendFinder population.

9) Compartmentalized thinking. This type of thinking is similar to having a chest of drawers. Each drawer is a separate compartment and personality. For example, at home a man thinks and acts like he is a husband. As soon as he reaches the office, he closes the husband drawer and becomes the worker. Later, when he goes to the bar, he becomes “Joe former high school stud” who picks up women. Although he will have recollection of his actions, he honestly cannot explain his actions ‒ because his thoughts are in a different drawer (compartment) ‒ he just can’t connect the dots with regard to his thinking.

10)Stupidity. Some of us are real Dumb Asses!

Obviously, there are a million reasons. However, based on my research and training, these are the big-ticket items.


redmustang91 57M  
8604 posts
8/4/2005 5:30 am

Good analysis. In my case I decided that wife was inhibited and I was less so. She refused to change and I decided to seek recreational sex elsewhere. She is nice otherwise and we just agree to disagree. Cheating means one partner is not providing the satisfaction the other seems to need. I have had bursts of infidelity and long priods of fidelity. I think of it as time off for good behavior!

hourglasses 47F

8/4/2005 5:11 am

I think I like #10 best

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