VH1 Behind The Blog Interview With AtomicArtist  

AtomicArtist0 45M
5236 posts
12/11/2005 5:38 pm

Last Read:
1/20/2009 5:44 pm

VH1 Behind The Blog Interview With AtomicArtist

The Future…Two Weeks From Now

VH1: You went from an unknown blogger to a roller coaster of fame, partying, coke, and Jack Daniels enemas. Now you’d sell your body to drink cleaning products. Can you tell us how it all happened?

AtomicArtist: In the beginning it was all about the blogging, you know. Then I guess like the fame got to my head. Everything got all weird after that. I remember my first entry, though. It was my very first crass horoscope on July 29 of ’05. The idea of a crass horoscope was stolen from The Onion, but the jokes were all Atomic. The first one wasn’t that good as I didn’t write them down first. I just sat down as a newbie in blogland and typed in whatever twelve jokes came to mind. I didn’t know what would come of it, but as it turned out, the one thing that brought me to Blogland in the first place was the most fun. Later, I spent the entire month writing down jokes as they came to mind on any piece of paper I could find. The first of every month was designated for the horoscopes.

VH1: Then what happened?

AtomicArtist: Shortly after I had a fairly steady friend with bennies, so I didn’t have to concentrate my efforts on getting my helmet polished. I could think about the creativity and wrote down all kinds of weird, creative shit that came to mind. I wrote about her a lot and a bunch of other stuff. I was a regular at a few other blogs by this point and I was becoming aware that I was building a following myself, so I’d come up with these over the top titles and entries that would grab a reader by the balls and take them on a roller coaster ride of laughter, insight, and soul. I pretty much doubled my following right around the time I totally outlived Jesus.

VH1: A roller coaster ride of laughter, insight, and soul…isn’t that kind of pretentious? Anyway, most of your readers are female and don’t have balls.

AtomicArtist: Yeah, well, maybe you’re right, smart ass! But they got all that…gyno-girly stuff up in there, don’t they? They got…like…pipes and tubes, right?

VH1: Tell us about your female readers.

AtomicArtist: I scored a lot of them right around three blog entries. My fwb and I had a temporary falling out so I wrote Breathless…No Matter What Happens. That showed that I had feelings for her and I could get all nostalgic and shit albeit a bit weird and creepy. Then I brought out another stolen idea…Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, of TV fame and my neutered alter ego. That proved I had a severely dirty and kinky side that made a bunch of broads HOT…followed by a sad and introspective view of the occupants of a neighborhood flophouse. Between the three, that locked in a whole string of female readers, hell bent on soaking up all things Atomic. How can you not want a piece of THIS action after that? Would you fuck me? I’d fuck me?

VH1: That’s really creepy. So…what happens next?

AtomicArtist: There was this one crass horoscope in particular that a few of the Big Dogs caught wind of. As the commercial goes, they told two friends and so on and so on and next thing you know, I’m getting a record number of comments and writing personal joke readings like mad. Unbeknownst to even my damn self, I was skyrocketing up the ranks to become the big shot I was a little while ago. One of the Big Dogs invited me into their exclusive chat room. The second they lifted that velvet rope and let me in was the second I forgot about all the little people that made me famous. You know like…that Viking guy…tipadee-something…haven-somebody…that toast guy…karma-something…that one chick from Alaska…jester-somebody…coco-chick…that one popular sweet girl that doesn’t have a photo…and who’s that one Australian chick in Japan?

VH1: Tell us about the chat room once you were inside.

AtomicArtist: Well, to me, it was like finally getting into Studio 54 back in the day, or being invited to one of P-Diddy’s exclusive red carpet parties. So I put on my tight leather pants and my rock star shades and stepped inside…except once inside, there was no P-Diddy and no Colombian blow, no booze, and no dead hookers floating in the pool. Still, it was pretty cool. All the A-listers were there. The Beautiful People. The Big Dogs. The Popular Kids at School. There was that one shirtless guy…the chick with the pretty eyes…and the one with the wet pants…and the other one with the nice boobs…and that one chick from Colorado…um…

VH1: You’re not very good with names, are you?

AtomicArtist: My brain is pretty fried right now what with all the coke and cleaning products…and you try to remember names after a Jack Daniels enema!

VH1: Point taken, go on.

AtomicArtist: So at first, I’m trying my hardest to crack over the top jokes at them so that I could grease the wheels of me fitting into their subculture and it worked at first. But I just wasn’t used to the chat room world and they were all typing so fast with their chat room speak, you know, like LOL…LMFAO…STBUSTAB (sorry to bring up Star Trek again, but)…NI49YOH (nervous, insecure 49 year old here)…T1HAMAWS (typing one handed and masturbating as we speak) and SFSIPCA (sorry, fist stuck in pringles can again). I just couldn't keep up with their lingo and their typing thanks to my stubby fingers.

VH1: When you say stubby fingers, do you mean to say you’re a slow typist?

AtomicArtist: Shut up, cracker!

VH1: Boy, that was weird. So, was that the start of your big fame?

AtomicArtist: No, but shortly after. A few more blog posts and plenty of commenting got me there. And once at my pinnacle, I had my face in the upper right corner where all the little people wish they were, but are too ignorant and untalented to get there. I was finally one of the Big Dogs, The Beautiful People, The Popular Kids At School. But this is where it all got weird. Once I was on top of the world, I didn’t have to write well anymore, nor come up with gripping titles to attract readers. They just came to me because AdultFriendFinder told them to. The machine fueled itself. I didn’t even have the need to visit other blogs or comment anymore. I just posted like three or four times a day just to keep me on top of the world. Sometimes my posts would be just three letters long and I’d get more comments on that one post than some bloggers do in their entire writing career. It was great! Its like I could just take a dump on blogland and everybody got excited about it. It didn’t have to be about the art and the soul anymore, but rather about the fame, money, and bitches.

VH1: And how did you handle the fame, money and bitches, as you say, at this point?

AtomicArtist: Before, when people met me, they would say…I was hoping you’d be taller…you’re pudgier than I thought you’d be…and what’s with your hair? But after I got my name in lights, everyone and their mother wanted a piece of this! Of course with all the fame and money, I did work on bettering myself. I got a nose job, my nails done and an anus whitening. I hired a personal shopper, an assistant, a hair stylist, a chef, and Apollo Creed was my personal trainer. He helped me get totally ripped abs! And check out my biceps…come on, feel these guns!

VH1: No thanks. So tell us more about your fame.

AtomicArtist: Well…along with all that fame comes…um…fame. I was partying every night with all the beautiful people. I scored with more broads than Gene Simmons. Paris, Nicole, and Tara finally took my calls and I got into all the exclusive parties and clubs around for free. I bought a little dog named Tinkerbell and did a sex tape with Tommy Lee that leaked onto the net. Boy, what a horse cock on that guy! I took great pleasure in belittling wait staff and would dump the food on the floor if it didn’t suit my pampered tastes. I yelled at a lot of people and laughed at their misfortune. I would strut around naked all the time but sue anyone who looked at me citing that it was my God-given right as a super hot celebrity to strut around any way I wanted. I started hanging out with Cory Feldman. He knew where to score the best Colombian blow and we’d snort that shit right off the chest of $1000 a night whores. HA HA HA, that was great! But I guess that could be the downfall of any major celebrity’s career.

VH1: What, doing cocaine?

AtomicArtist: No, hanging out with Cory Feldman. That guy is a douchebag!

VH1: Tell us about your worse cocaine binge.

AtomicArtist: Well, back when I was a nobody, I had this poster of this hot, naked chick spread eagle over the hood of a Ferrari…you know, as a reminder of how the other half lives. Then when I had my own Ferrari some naked chick ended up strewn across the hood and front grill as I raced through a nudist’s camp while jacked up on coke. I was totally bummed out by the experience as in reality, she wasn’t as hot as the chick in the poster. She was a little pudgy around the middle and her face wasn’t all that hot…although, that could have to do with the fact I smashed it with my headlight. She scratched up the paint job pretty well, too. I could have done some hard time in the slammer for that, but my lawyer got me off…then she got me aquitted. HA HA HA HA HA!! Get it? I still got it, right? OH, GOD, I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW FUNNY I AM!!

VH1: Settle down, Atomic. Tell us what happened after that.

AtomicArtist: Anyway, with my new nose job and totally ripped abs, I was too good looking for prison. Those inmates would have passed me around like a doobie and took turns stuffing my newly whitened anus…and nobody wanted that, so I did like three hours of community on account that the chick I hit at the nudist camp was a nobody without connections.

VH1: You didn’t stay good looking for long.

AtomicArtist: Boy, you’re not kidding, Chuck. I did so much blow that I ruined my nose and had to get my assistant to insert the coke up my ass, just like Stevie Nicks. My nose job fell right off leaving me with an ugly whole in the middle of my face. Luckily, Michael Jackson had donated one of his old noses. So now I have the nose of a 15-year-old black kid, but I’m pretty much ok with that. It works great! Still, I was letting myself go. I got all depressed and didn’t care about anything anymore. Apollo Creed didn’t want to be my trainer any more so now my abs aren’t so totally ripped any more. I spent my entire fortune faster than MC Hammer. I couldn’t afford nice cars anymore, nor could I afford any blow.

VH1: Is that when you sought out alcohol and cheaper drugs?

AtomicArtist: Yep. Jack Daniel’s enemas mostly…and when I can’t afford that its cleaning products. Here, do me a favor. Take this enema hose, and top me off, will ya?

VH1: No thanks, Atomic. Hey, now that you’ve got that thing out there winking at me, I must say its a bit strange looking. Its freakishly whiter than white. What’s with that?

AtomicArtist: Yeah, the only anus whitening I can afford now is whiteout.

VH1: How is blogland, now?

AtomicArtist: I’m not on top of the world, anymore, that’s for sure. I try to type up stuff now, but no one cares. Plus, my mind is a little too fried to try to blog anything coherent. There are other people at the top of the list now. It’s the circle of life.

VH1: So, now you sell your body to score cleaning products and Jack Daniels. In parting, do you have any last important message to anyone reading out there?

AtomicArtist: Keep it real, you freaks. Keep it about the art, the writing, the humor and the soul. When you make it big, don’t forget about the little people who helped get you there. Not everyone makes it big, nor cares to. But once you do, everyone falls eventually. Everyone. It’s the donut of life. And for God sakes, don’t hang out with Cory Feldman. Say, does anyone have any spare change?

GoddessOfTheDawn 105F
11240 posts
12/12/2005 12:32 pm

LMFAO, thanx

just one of the little peepz here

havenbliss 43F

12/12/2005 5:37 pm

OMFG..Too funny. I loved it especially how I was a Haven-somebody, not a nobody. Not so bad, I could have been referenced worse...

As for that FWB, I hope she is still doing some good work for you though I am sure she doesn't charge $1000 a night but maybe she should start hmm?

Corey Feldman, dude what the fuck were you thinking? See his last movie? No one else did. He was nothing after Goonies, okay okay Stand By Me was pretty damn good too, ohh and Lost Boys. I liked that one too. Say umm do you by chance still have his number?

AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
12/12/2005 6:13 pm

BigGirlz...no, I didn't lump you into the big dogs. I wrote you in as one of the little people "that popular sweet chick with no photo" thats you to a T, babe.

And yes, I'm in with that office max crowd. we have anus whitening parties. Its sooo bonding.

AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
12/12/2005 6:18 pm

1BBL...thanks for the compliments. I always enjoy hearing from you. but what is ROFLMAO? is it anything like SFTIPCA (sorry, fist stuck in pringles can again) cuz thats the problem I'm having right now.

AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
12/12/2005 6:23 pm

Goddess...call yourself a little peep all you want, but I've seen that bust of yours in the most watched section pretty often. That bust with the...um...fetishy...elegant...evening wear...spider web...clubbing...dinner...ballroom gown...something or other....

but, whether you're a big dog or little peep, I'm always honored to see you comment here, so thank you.

AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
12/12/2005 6:31 pm

havenbliss...yes, you're a somebody all right.

The only way I'd pay fwb $1000 an hour is if she can shoot ping-pong balls and it would have to be with Cory Feldman's money. Interested?

Yes, I still have Cory's number, but you'd have to fish it out of my ass as the last Jack Daniels enema pushed it right in there.

1023 posts
12/12/2005 8:11 pm

Even though you've hit bottom, I just bid twenty bucks on your homicidal Ferrari headlight on Ebay! So now you know you're still a star!

Stevie Nicks really takes it up the pooper? (Cocaine, I mean) That has got to limit her sensitivity.

Oh yeah! you rock Atomic! Major props to you!

caressmewell 53F

12/12/2005 8:45 pm

LMAO, that was hiliarious! I'll never be able to look at a bottle of Jack with out thinking about enemas

AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
12/12/2005 10:31 pm

sil...if by MF you mean Man-Frog, then yes...yes I am.
you know, Ricky Schroeder lives in Colorado. you must be very proud.

AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
12/12/2005 10:44 pm

caress...the unfortunate thing about being me...there's a lot of things I can't look at without thinking of enemas.

craptoast 39M

12/14/2005 6:11 pm

atomic artist, sitting on the toilet, dropping a blog...

fwb is a Female With Boobs, right?

AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
12/14/2005 9:00 pm

anyone who knows me, knows that I don't abuse the term LOL...laughing out loud when emailing, commenting, or IMing. Its used too often, its stupid. half the time no one means it. they just say it to fill up space. However, when I read your comment about me sitting on the toilet dropping a blog, I was undeniably...undoubtedly...LOL.

FWB is funky white boy.

silkysmoothlegs3 105F

12/15/2005 3:09 am

Came here from caressmewell blogg
Im impressed
how come ive never seen you til now
Ill be back
very good blogg hun
silky xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
12/15/2005 10:54 pm

silky...I don't know why you haven't found me until now, but I'm glad you did. Thanks for coming by. I've got a lot more in store for you if you see me again.

skyking412004 53M
5363 posts
12/19/2005 1:58 pm

Atomic. Can I call you Atomic? If I could believe that God was a man, you could be my God. I'm sure you don't want some pissy, fat ,white boy worshiping you anyway.

AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
12/19/2005 5:17 pm

skyking...yes, you may call me Atomic...then eventually you'll want to call me jerk ass. You're more than welcome to visit my blog and comment all you want. I need more pissy, fat white boys to comment here as all I have to match that demographic right now is HornyViking722. Welcome to my blog and thank you for coming out to see me.

JustaSeeker 106F

12/20/2005 10:21 am

I just read this again and it's still brutally funny. Damn, that's funny. Thanks, I come to the blogs when I need a laugh.

AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
12/20/2005 10:08 pm

seeker...you're welcome to come back and laugh (and comment) anytime you wish. I'm glad to see you keep coming back.

cuteNEway 41F

7/31/2006 1:51 pm


was that too much?

AtomicArtist0 replies on 7/31/2006 7:43 pm:
yeah...top me off, will ya.

memeanne74 42F
5991 posts
10/17/2007 11:16 pm

That was fucking fantastically narcissistic funny.

So I see the crass, crude and enlightening are still appreciated.

Scrumptious I'd say...and yeah chicks dig funny guys who don't give a shit what other think....


" I think the quality of sexiness comes from within. It is something that is in you or it isn't and it really doesn't have much to do with breasts or thighs or the pout of your lips."

AtomicArtist0 replies on 10/17/2007 11:48 pm:
ahhh, its been forever since I thought about this one. I re-read it and yeah, yer right. fucking fanastically narcississtic funny. Chasing you around my basement is like a walk through memory lane. You know...I'm only about 8 posts away from my 200th post. usually I do a "favorite moments" post where I link to all my faves. Then all my newbies check out the old shit...and then our secret flirting amongst the annuls of my basement blog will be found. Gasp! whatever will we do!? It'll be like that one time when I was six or so and I was caught naked and playing doctor with this seven year old chick. it'll be just like that.

memeanne74 42F
5991 posts
10/18/2007 9:09 am

"and then our secret flirting amongst the annuls of my basement blog will be found. Gasp! whatever will we do!? It'll be like that one time when I was six or so and I was caught naked and playing doctor with this seven year old chick. it'll be just like that."


Like you or I happen to give a rat's ass what other's think..

Maybe they will play too ...


Yeah I played Doctor too but I was always the one naked and they were not?



" I think the quality of sexiness comes from within. It is something that is in you or it isn't and it really doesn't have much to do with breasts or thighs or the pout of your lips."

AtomicArtist0 replies on 10/18/2007 12:42 pm:

memeanne74 42F
5991 posts
10/18/2007 12:50 pm


I just added one of my darker ones from my writing..

Someone has me thinking more sinfully wicked thoughts today ?!?!?


The Surprise


" I think the quality of sexiness comes from within. It is something that is in you or it isn't and it really doesn't have much to do with breasts or thighs or the pout of your lips."

AtomicArtist0 replies on 10/18/2007 11:07 pm:
read it. very nice.

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