This Is How I Get Hired!  

AtomicArtist0 45M
5236 posts
8/22/2006 7:09 pm

Last Read:
3/22/2012 1:50 pm

This Is How I Get Hired!

So you don’t think I forgot, I’m still awaiting word back from my 3000th commenter. They said that they will get back to me but that was more than a week ago. I’ll give it a little while longer and then consider giving the winning spot to someone else…but who?

Yup…who indeed? We’ll just let that soak in for awhile…and while you all sit there seething and developing your plot to fight, cheat, bribe and steal for my attention as the rightful alternate, I will leave you with (in no particular order) words and phrases found on my job resume. I’m sure you’ll agree that I’ve lived a charmed life in the workplace. Enjoy.

spearheaded

the best ever

knocked-up

wasn't my fault

high grade Columbian Blow

commanded salaries upwards of $12,000 a year.

little incident

died for your sins

behold my awesome awesomeness

shitload

the skillz to pay the billz

computer training: Playstation, Playstation2, Ages of Empires

rock star

Breast Awareness Committee

better than you

Copy Monkey

Right in the goddamned nuts

Boba Fett costume

rock out with my cock out at company picnic

scapegoat

at a rate of like 20 words per minute

pansy ass

Pulitzer Prize

Next thing you know I was knee deep in fryolator grease

Took it like a man

Olympic Gold Medal

Deep dicking

Academy Award nomination

court appointed

licensed gynecologist

freelance astrologer

craptacular

bionic fist

self-unemployed

Employee of the Month; May 1987

always after me Lucky Charms

Staff Chief of Joints

Took one for the team

Single handedly saved all the children


Transblucency 44M

8/22/2006 7:37 pm

Ooh, this is a good one. Multo bene, dawg; very clever and very funny.


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/24/2006 7:18 pm:
thank you dawg. keep it real.

catseyes23 61F

8/22/2006 8:11 pm

And to think they'd hire you with a resume like that. BTW, What's an um..Boba Fett costume? Don't forget, I'm Japanese-Can't you tell by my picture? It's authentic, too.


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/24/2006 7:26 pm:
Boba Fett is only the badass bounty hunter who froze Han Solo in carbonite to take to Jabba The Hutt on board the Slave I. You know...son of Jango Fett who all the Republic clone troopers were modeled after. You know...the guy that saw his demise in the Sarlaac Pit. DUH!! That's like common knowledge. Boy, what rock do you live under?

lifeisablast333 53M

8/22/2006 9:09 pm

love the word play.....I'm jotting those down.......and why not give that winning spot to a brand new blogger, a person who has just made thier first post, make feel all specail, like they are riding the short bus........LOL.....the redneck


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/24/2006 7:27 pm:
once they arrive here, I believe all my readers feel as if they are riding the short bus.

LustyTaurus 48M  
21253 posts
8/22/2006 10:02 pm

Now who wouldn't hire you with a resume` like that!!


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/24/2006 7:28 pm:
I keep asking myself the same thing...every goddamned time they show me the door. Those bastards!

WaterBabyRocks 58M

8/23/2006 12:07 am

With a resume that is as long as your arm with a bionic fist on the end of it man, I wouldn't doubt your resume!


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/24/2006 7:29 pm:
my bionic fist is equipped with kung-fu grip.

rm_Mandrake_M 61M

8/23/2006 2:35 am

With a resume like that who could refuse? With a Pulitzer Prize under your belt too. Awfully clever and witty, Atomic.


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/24/2006 7:30 pm:
Not that I have a Pulitzer, its just mentioned on my resume...several times.

PrincessKarma 43F
6188 posts
8/23/2006 11:01 am

Ummm... it's spelled Colombian... unless you're referring to the District of Columbia?

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/24/2006 7:33 pm:
crap! no wonder spell check didn't catch it! Thanks for showing me the light. I guess my resume needs tweeking. Say, what rhymes with Congressional Medal of Honor?

mm0206 68F
7767 posts
8/23/2006 1:35 pm

It looks like you are the chosen one Atomic...

a Pulitzer Prize....
I always knew you were the best.....

tender hugs....m.


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/24/2006 7:38 pm:
nah, I don't have a Pulitzer prize, I just mention it on my resume...several times. but I am the chosen one.

rm_AnOddGirl 57F
3469 posts
8/23/2006 3:59 pm

LMAO...

So do you play City of Heroes, if not, why?


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/24/2006 7:41 pm:
I don't and i don't know why i don't play. never heard of it till you mentioned it. Maybe i should though.

cuteNEway 41F

8/23/2006 6:07 pm

what about "can opener incident" and "the cat was defective"

ooohhh pick me pick me pick meeeeeeeeeeeee


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/24/2006 7:42 pm:
no...the canopener and the cat incident happened at home, not at work...duh!

rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
8/23/2006 8:03 pm

As a former HR Director, can I borrow this????

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/24/2006 7:47 pm:
yes, you may. and when you see me bring this resume, give me a huge promotion

MOfunNOWWOW 55F

8/23/2006 9:09 pm

Gold Medalist...I AM impressed, I think.


MOMO
just a squirrel trying to get a nut


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/24/2006 7:49 pm:
it was for the Special Olympics

Nina_Dee 61F

8/24/2006 2:12 am

And I thought my resume was long.


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/24/2006 7:50 pm:
I know. they made me cut it down from a nine volume epic.

multitasksextoy 58M  
3511 posts
8/24/2006 6:10 am

And it keeps going and going and going!!!


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/24/2006 7:52 pm:
how did you know? were you watching in my bedroom window last night?

rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
5220 posts
8/24/2006 2:27 pm

" fight, cheat, bribe and steal" ... amateurs!

Wanna fuck?


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/24/2006 7:53 pm:
dayum! throw in a large pepperoni and sausage pizza and you have a deal.

rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
5220 posts
8/25/2006 8:10 am

AtomicArtist replies on 8/24/2006 8:53 pm:
dayum! throw in a large pepperoni and sausage pizza and you have a deal.


If you can't supply the sausage, then the deal's off ...


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/26/2006 8:11 pm:
alright, I've got the sausage...you bring the taco.

MissAnnThrope 56F
11488 posts
8/25/2006 5:32 pm

It's the fact you offer to supply the pure Colombian blow that gets you the job, isn't it?


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/26/2006 8:12 pm:
I didn't say i supply it, its just mentioned in my resume...several times

velvetgrrrl 39F

8/25/2006 11:09 pm

died for my sins?

Aww so you want me on my knees in front of you in worship
Praytell I hinder a guess at what is the altar?
I knew there was a catch

`Velvet
Hell is when u should have walked away, but u didn't.


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/26/2006 8:13 pm:
but such a lovely catch indeed.

rm_AnOddGirl 57F
3469 posts
8/26/2006 3:19 pm

What, your kidding right - I thought I was # 3000.

BTW NOMA (new orleans art museum) has a lego panarama depicting life during a certain hurricane and a national disgrace of a flood (thank you army corp of engineers - you killed an entire city - even the jihadists haven't been ablt to do that!!!)


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/26/2006 11:25 pm:
hmmmm...interesting exhibit. I'll have to check it out. There has been a lot of controvercial exhibits in lego lately. one was of Aushwitz and the scariest I've ever seen is a diarama of H.P. Lovecraft's Cthulhu Mythos.

skyking412004 53M
5363 posts
8/30/2006 12:31 pm

_____Saw his demise in the Sarlaac Pit? What episode was that in? Was it in one of the books? Was the Sarlaac that creature in the sand? Was boba fet thrown into it off of the "barge"? So many questions.


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/30/2006 8:48 pm:
yes, the Sarlaac pit is that creature in the sand. the one he was thrown off the barge into. It was Return of the Jedi. I'm soooo disappointed in you. you of all people. geez!

skyking412004 53M
5363 posts
8/30/2006 12:43 pm

_____Saw his demise in the Sarlaac Pit? What episode was that in? Was it in one of the books? Was the Sarlaac that creature in the sand? Was Boba Fett thrown into it off of the "barge"? So many questions. /// You finally wrote something I know can't be true. /// Picking a winner should be easy, just take the next one in line. Right?


AtomicArtist0 replies on 8/30/2006 9:05 pm:
what you didn't get it the first time?

yes, the Sarlaac pit is that creature in the sand. the one he was thrown off the barge into. It was Return of the Jedi. I'm soooo disappointed in you. you of all people. geez!

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