Swim, Play Golf, Live The Active Lifestyle...All In Your New Hair  

AtomicArtist0 45M
5236 posts
3/9/2006 7:16 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2007 11:51 pm

Swim, Play Golf, Live The Active Lifestyle...All In Your New Hair

Hey You!

Are you tired of better looking guys getting all the chicks? Is your confidence down the crapper because you’re a fat, bald dork who works in a comic book store and still lives with your mommy? Do your fingers smell like ass? Then get off the god damn couch and do something about it, Baldy!

Be like our subject pictured here and order your Patented HairMan5000 Hair Replacement System right away and you too can have the confidence to hammer your cock into a beautiful woman without having to pay first!

Here’s how it works: First spread liberally the patented Hair Seed Gel on your bald dome using the patented Hair Seed Spackling Tool. Then place the patented Man Bag over your head like the subject pictured here. Leave it on and in just three short months, you should have a thick, luxurious, Elvis-like pompadour of your own magically re-grown hair!

Everyone knows that all men with full heads of hair have bigger cocks, washboard abs, and salaries well into the six figures, but you’re a shift manager at Arby’s because you’re an insecure bald fat-ass. Don’t you think its time you become a film producer or a stock broker like the rest of us? Then order today and you’ll get a 16oz jar of our patented HairMan5000 Hair Seed Gel, two patented Hair Seed Spackling Tools and two patented Man Bags all for the insanely low price of just $229.95! That may seem expensive to you now, but that’ll turn to chump change once you’re selling real estate on Park Avenue, Bitch! But don’t take it from me, take it from 43 year old Melvin Kirkpactrick of Dayton Ohio.

“My life used to be all about going to FANTICOMICON in my Lord Bauldor costume and making it to the next level of Dungeon Quest IV: The Search for the Sword of Karnath, (sniffle) but now that I’ve discovered HairMan5000, I’m all about banging bitches and being a…um…stock…broke…guy. (sniffle) Can I have my five dollars now?”

On second thought don’t take it from Melvin, take it from Hank Hugeslab who is already a raging success!

“When I ran down that drunken hobo in my Porsche, I thought I was screwed for sure! But not only did I get off scott free, but the judge liked my hair so much, he made the prosecuting attorney get down on her knees and suck my cock! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! Thanks HairMan5000!”

Now that’s a success story! You’re awesome, Hank!

“I know!”

So don’t delay! Call now and order your patented HairMan5000 Hair Replacement System and you, too can be on the road to unimaginable success, Bitches!

Disclaimer: some side effects may include nausea, aching joints, heartburn, jock itch, explosive diarrhea, profuse sweating, and stank breath. Monthly payments should be made care of AtomicArtist and left in a discreet, brown envelope at the white apartment three buildings down from the flop house. Product will not make your fingers smell better if they smell like ass. Stop picking your seat and foul smelling fingers should subside. Offer not valid in MA, CT, NY, WV, CA or all places where the feds are onto us. Your ability to quit your job at the comic book shop and start banging hot bitches may vary. Chances are against you if you own a hobbit costume. Leave copious comments here as I have turned into a big honkin’ comment whore-beast hell bent on proving to the world that I’m funnier than you. Although, you do have to admit that I’m pretty hot in a rebellious, bad-boy kind of way. I’m just sayin‘, dawg, don’t hate the playa, hate the game. Aight? Peace out.

caressmewell 53F

3/9/2006 7:59 pm


_Safira 53F
11260 posts
3/9/2006 8:08 pm

Damn it, Man! I should have used the potty before reading this!!! LMAO!!!

This is my blog - Comes With Warning Labels. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

RECOMMENDED READING: A F F ... The Only Site For Me?

mangomamiCT 42F

3/9/2006 8:17 pm

OMFG my stomach hurts

angelofmercy5 59F
17881 posts
3/9/2006 8:28 pm

ROFLMAO! That was funny....but you shouldn't give up your day job!

saddletrampsk 54F

3/9/2006 8:31 pm

omg..he's a sexy dude..

skyking412004 53M
5363 posts
3/9/2006 8:32 pm

_____What do you mean TURNED INTO a big honkin' comment whore-beast?
You've been one as long as I've known you. (all ten seconds) F-U-N-N-Y man. I've been working on replacing my hair...borrowing from down under. Can't quite get the curls out. (Smells kinda funky too.) Hey...there's an idea for my new cologne O'de DICKnBalls. Help a Brotha' out and be my "test man". I just need to rub some of this on you, and you can tell me how the ladies like it. (Since you have so many more ladies than me.) Maybe I could get VIKING to help out too. Maybe Vic Demise has seen him...

mm0206 69F
7767 posts
3/9/2006 9:12 pm


you goof..........lmao



3/10/2006 4:00 pm

You got a similar remedy to this for propagating some macho he-man chest hair? I've never been talented in that regard.

I know this guy who's first wife divorced him 'cause they could not have childen. At some point I guess he was officially diagnosed as being "sterile".

So round about the time he's got his life going with wife #2 he's also starting to sport the beginnings of a "chrome dome". Some doctor suggests he go on some new concoction called Propecia which can help inspire the old folicle farm to again reap a new harvest. So he tried it and had rather pleasing results.

Then soon after this his new wife surprinigly gets pregnant. I'm not sure what propecia really does but if it boosts testosterone levels that might have an effect on both "fallen out hair regrowth" and a boosted sperm count as well. But what do I know. His wife might just as well be screwing the mailman.


AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
3/11/2006 10:43 am

caress...ROFLMAO? Are you ok? Did you just throw up? walk it off.

AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
3/11/2006 10:47 am

dysintary...Nuclear hot? Thanks! So are you, babe. I sooo wanna taste that blue glove right now.

AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
3/11/2006 10:51 am

safari...you can let your bladder go here if you want...I won't mind...Daddy likes.

AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
3/11/2006 10:59 am

mangina...stomach hurts? You ok? That might be one of the side effects to getting HairMan5000 in your eyes. Walk it off.

AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
3/11/2006 11:22 am

angelofmercury...yes, you're right...I really shouldn't quit my day job...my day job as a stock broker who does film producing on the side and who occasionally is a photographer for Playboy. damn, I'm a raging success!!

AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
3/11/2006 11:25 am

saddlebags...you're right...I am one sexy dude...oh, wait...you're talking about the guy with the man bag on his head...yeah, I guess he's alright.

AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
3/11/2006 11:31 am

skyqueen...I've done some crazy shit in my life. Wrestled an 18ft snake. Eaten an entire 3lb. family sized can of chef boyardee ravioli in one sitting. Lets just say it seemed like a good idea at the time. But I've never rubbed another man's ball water on my skin and used it as cologne. Wait, let me think...no...yes...no...maybe...defanately no. That wasn't ball water.

AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
3/11/2006 11:36 am


you goof..........lmao


slow down, breathe, use your words, sweetie...I may get a full sentence out of you, yet.

AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
3/11/2006 11:50 am

BigGirlzRSweaty...there is a lot of nearly peeing going on here. you and safira. and a lot of hurt ribs and hurt stomachs. must be something going around. You can...um...you know, let your bladder go here. I won't mind. maybe in your pants or even on me...while I film it and watch it over and over again...alone...at night...with the blinds closed...and the volume turned all the way down, so no one knows...

anyway, no, I am not yet a client, but probably should be eventually. My hair may not be as thick as you imagine as I have a high forehead and I don't even want to mention what is starting to go on around the back of my head. In this piece,like the commercials, I was playing on a man's insecurities including my own. As always, the humor never falls too far from the tree. My cock is also average, not huge. So...how do you like me now?

AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
3/11/2006 11:55 am

KFC..."I'm not sure what propecia really does but if it boosts testosterone levels that might have an effect on both "fallen out hair regrowth" and a boosted sperm count as well."

thanks...I'm taking notes...propecia...I'll have to remember that. It seems these Jack Daniels enemas are doing nothing for my hair growth and sperm count as advertised.

AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
3/11/2006 12:01 pm

mzpoohole...You met Hank Hugeslab and he really wasn't all that, huh? Even with his full head of hair, his Porche, his huge cock, and washboard abs? I bet he laughed really loud whenever he did something awesome...like blast poor people off of his lawn with a firehose...or steered his yacht with his cock. I bet he hi-fived the mirror a lot.


3/12/2006 1:36 am


TheBtchIsHere122 45F
63 posts
3/13/2006 12:54 am

Thats funny!

havenbliss 43F

3/13/2006 5:39 pm

I think this is one of your funniest yet but you forgot to put in the disclaimer to wear gloves so you don't get hairy palms.


AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
3/13/2006 6:03 pm


rm_SusieQ27 46F
2093 posts
3/14/2006 1:44 am

AA.unless the poor souls who apply actually wear that thing on their heads and get mistaken for a member of the Clue Clucks whatsits before they become hursuit hunks.

Luv n stuf {={ Susei {=}

AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
3/14/2006 12:34 pm


AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
3/14/2006 12:41 pm

susie wong...we've already thought of that...for an additional insanely low $89.95 we'll throw in a giant fuzzy British Parlament hat that can cover up your patented Man Bag during the three months that you are magicly re-growing your very own bouffant of thick, luxurious hair, lest anyone thinks your Man bag is a klan hood. It can always be the changing of the guard while you're regrowing your fantastic head of hair!

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