AtomicArtist0 45M
5236 posts
12/25/2005 8:54 pm

Last Read:
3/26/2012 1:07 pm


I don't know what it says about my personality, but good guys were stupid. They were always human with stupid hair and white spaceships that looked like jets with red stars all over them. They wore tight white jumpsuits like Evel Kneavel and had cheesy big smiles.

Sure, good guys always eventually got the girl, but I always controlled the bad guys. They were cooler than shit. They were usually aliens, bugs, robots, or monsters with purple or black outfits or fangs and really cool laser weapons. Their ships were out of this world, usually based on some insect or octopus. Bad guys had spikes. They didn't speak English and they liked to torture the good guys with pliers. They could take on the entire planet. Who needs a stupid girl when you had total domination of the entire galaxy. Bad guys were fucking cool!

I had these Micronaught aliens that had brains that glowed in the dark. They had claws, cool guns, and really gross skin. Those were the guys I controlled. Dad could control the good guys cuz he was stupid. The only cool micronaught good guy was the all clear guy that disappeared when you dropped him in water. He was like some kind of underwater spy that came with a vehicle that he could use under water.

Sometimes when you put one of the good guys in dad's vice and snipped off his foot with the needle-nose pliers, they still wouldn't tell you where the plans are for the secret devastation weapon. They would still look at you with that cheesy smile and bad hair, even after their foot was gone. Resiliant buggers, those good guys were. They were also a little too smug, if you ask me. Sometimes you had to go for the big guns...the Ultimate Interrogator, the most evil bad guy of them all, the bad guy who had ways of stealing your soul...the one and only...

...Baron Kaza.

Baron Kaza was all shiny black with red eyes. He had fists that could shoot out and missiles that launched off of his shoulders. You could blow off his limbs, even his head and he would still be alive as each limb had its own brain. Plus you can piece him all back together as his limbs were magnetic. He also had an evil, black horse with magnetic limbs as well. You could take off Baron Kaza's legs and the horse's head and piece them together to form this badass monster centaur.

Even when not in centaur mode, he could still scare a confession out of any stupid good guy. It was only a matter of short time before he knew the secret plans. One of my dad's cigarette lighters would also help as an interogation device. You could light their heads on fire until they got all black and twisted, then when the plastic is soft, you could press their heads against the table and they would stay flat like that forever.

In retrospect, permanently damaging the shape of a guy's head and brain did nothing to get secret plans out of them, but it was pretty cool anyway.

I've had fantastic wars with these micronaughts and all their spaceships and vehicles. I had these stories written down somewhere just in case some film producer came along and wanted to turn my ideas into the most badass, epic space movies ever. I was a genius, after all.

One Christmas morning, I awoke to a sight that was so incredibly cool, that it made Baron Kaza look like a pissy fairy princess. It was Mazinga, one of the Shogun Warriors. He was like 2 1/2 feet tall and had black and blue armor and roller skates on his feet. he had a spaceship that could fly out of his head that contained his brain. He also had missiles, that unbeknowenst to me, was pointed right at my eye.

My dad stood behind him and tapped me awake so I could see my surprise. For one fleeting second, dad wasn't stupid at all but the coolest guy on the planet besides Mazinga...but alas, the spring mechanism that held the missiles were too touchy, as most cool things were back then and just seconds after I wiped sleep away from my bleary eyes, I got shot. Right in the god damned eye. I cried and wondered just for a few seconds if I would ever see again...if I would ever see the coolest mega robot on the planet. How could something so incredibly awesome, be so cruel to hit me in the eye? How?

You could never stay mad at Mazinga. At least I didn't, but apparently, some other parents stayed mad and made it so that no kids could ever have cool toys ever again. Only soft cuddy stuff that didn't shoot anything or that didn't have small parts you could swallow. So what if a few stupid kids died. Why should the rest of us have to suffer?

Mazinga eventually defeated Baron Kaza in what was the coolest battle in the entire history of the Universe. No shit.

So...what did you all get for Christmas?

caressmewell 53F

12/26/2005 6:20 am

Poor BigGirls...what shit heads.

I didn't get a cool Mazinga either, just some silly earrings, kitchen utinsels and a few cool things from my parents to add to my collction of cool things....

havenbliss 43F

12/26/2005 6:41 pm

I got a replacement bag. I know you wanted to get me one but was on my list. Cash for some things I wanted but people decided to let me choose myself. A beaded bag, some "special goodies" and yes I did get that one elusive item I wanted when I was 9..

All in all, a pretty damn good haul.

skyking412004 53M
5363 posts
12/27/2005 1:13 pm

_____What impressed me the most about A-l-l that you wrote about (you windbag) was that you wrote that your father used to play Micronaughts (you're young) with you. My dad worked, drank, and slept. That was about it. He must not have had time to play with me and my brother. You were blessed.
_____I got chocolate covered cherries, cigars, a knife, and a flashlight for Christmas. The only thing I asked for was chocolate covered cherries, everything else is gravy. I'm good, thanks.

AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
12/28/2005 10:32 am

biggirlz...yes, Mazinga's brain is flying out your way now and will run amok some time soon. It'll destroy your house, but thats just a side effect to it hunting down your brother and ex once and for all.

Were the dvds Bob Newhart episodes by chance?

Your bro spending your christmas money on thats just wrong!

1023 posts
12/29/2005 9:05 am

I never had Micronauts, I did get a hand me down Mazinga once. I didn't remember his name, but your description was to a "T" his color and long lost before I got to play with him missles. The jet the landed vertically in his head was my favorite; I made that my number one toy at that time and would fly that lil red hot rod everywhere I went, on the bus, going to Zayre's (old kinda Kmart in my town) and even to all my friend's houses. I was so convinced to the power of this toy that I told my hating neighbor that it would too float down the canal beside his house. It sank, I was sad, he laughed and I never went too scifi again. I immediately got some G.I. Joes, the little ones with no facial hair. We would recon and assualt the little cheap green plastic ones and all my old Stars Wars characters. I became a feared marksman with my pellet gun as we'd shoot every action figured we set up and then set them up again. By the end of Spring, I was a rogue sniper, even shooting up the Joes that had chewed the same dirt, broke the same hearts, took the same lives; Mom got pissed when she came home to me having a model car and some of my lil old friends laid out and burning with the aide of Dad's lawn mower gas. The Crossman Classic air rifle making the foot soldiers fly into the air in the coolest manner. By Summer when that same hating neighbor decided we should play his new thought up pellet gun game, "One Pump War", he realized I had a little more skill and an anger issue. He never kept me on a opposing team after that week. The orginal paintball tourney! Oh, Glory Days!

This year I got two p.c. games, "Call of Duty" (rocks!) and "Star Wars: Knights of the old republic" (software is still not responding... everything I associated with that series I can honestly say is guilty of snobbery!). If you didn't get anything good for yourself this year, I can send you a picture of me in my new zipper mask!

Sea King, we're all windbags. ^_^

AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
12/29/2005 12:59 pm

haven...yes, overall it was a pretty damn good haul...oh, wait...yer talking about YOUR christmas presents...yeah, they were good, too.

AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
12/29/2005 1:06 pm

skyking...chocolate covered cherries, cigars, and a knife...sounds like a good christmas. All you need now is a white house intern to use as a humidor and you'll be all set.

Sorry about your dad being a drunk alcoholic sleeper. Yes, my dad did have time to play with my toys with me, but don't be too jealous as I was too much of a snot-nosed geek to have friends, dad was all I had.

AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
12/29/2005 1:16 pm

viking...your childhood sounds good. You did indeed have Mazinga. The spaceship that fit into his head was the best.

I had the two other Shogun Warriors as well, Raydeen, and Dragoon. As cool as all the Shogun Warriors were, there is no toy better for a sociopathic kid with anger issues than Lincoln Logs and a match. Ah, glory days. That'll teach those G.I.Joes to mouth off again.

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