Another Crass Horoscope, Bitches!  

AtomicArtist0 45M
5236 posts
10/1/2005 11:19 am

Last Read:
3/31/2008 10:18 pm

Another Crass Horoscope, Bitches!

Its a new month and this means another crass horoscope for all you freaky pervs out there. Read yours out loud to your gimp slave you got chained up in your basement and pass it along to all your demented friends. Comment often, cuz you know I dig that shit.

Don't like your reading? Does it not suit you well because its about getting kicked in the nuts and you're a girl...or you just have no balls for some reason? Then do something about it! The first few people who comment and anyone else who asks for it will get a personalized crass reading based on your profile, handle, location, and whatever other astral abilities I can conjure. So, whos it going to be? Step right up. Step right up.

Aries March 21-April 20 Nobody likes your habbit of leaving your bathroom business unflushed for others to find. However, the record-breaking prize you create later this week will have you thinking that maybe this time those bastards will appreciate your talent.

Taurus April 21-May 21 Always seeing the positive in even the most tragic of situations, you chalk your trouble up with the feds as a learning experience as you find out exactly what the bureau of Alchohol, Tobacco, and Firearms is for.

Gemini May 22-June 21 You try to pass yourself off as a fine, moral, upstanding citizen but your disco ball, hot tub, and mirrored ceilings tell a different story entirely.

Cancer June22-July23 Being not so hip on modern terminology and a little naive to boot, you have no idea why everyone calls you "Camel Toe Cathy". My advice is to live your life, ignore the comments, don't even worry about finding out what it means and keep wearing those unbelievably tight stretch pants.

Leo July 24-August 23 You've fantasized about the situation and played out every possible scenario in your mind. You've planned repeatedly for the event but figured that the unusual opportunity would never materialize. Thankfully, all that will change this week as you finally get to live out your lifelong obsession to catch two midgets fucking on your front lawn and blast them with a goddamned firehose.

Virgo August 24-September 23 A bout of drunkedness and depravity leaves you blowing chunks by the end of this weekend...Chunks, being your twelve year old, overweight siamese cat.

Libra September24-October 23 You go down in a hail of bullets and glory this week as "The Man" finally drops the hammer down on your greulling week long stand-off and bogarts your entire stash.

Scorpio October 24-November 22 Its been said by many that your life has been a roller coaster of questionable decision making...none more questionable than your recent decision to "rock out with your cock out" at the company picnic.

Sagittarius November23-December21 It was nice of you to offer to take your mom's friend out to dine, but at her age she wouldn't be much into wine nor sixty-nine, you dirty perv.

Capricorn December 22-January 20 Thanks to a camcorder and the remote isolation of your Kentucky home, your weekend home movies will replace "Cannibal Holocaust" as the most depraved imagery ever put on film.

Aquarius January 21-February19 The air is getting crisper as the first hints of autumn are upon us. This and the arrival of the new Bed, Bath and Beyond sale catalog inspires you to redecorate your home with new drapes, tablecloths, and throw pillows in exquisitely rich fall colors. You even go the extra mile with Pumpkin Spice scented candles. This sounds like a nice project for you and all your homo friends.

Pisces February 20-March 20 Just to stir things up a little, you decide to change up your bus route this week. In doing so you find out, to your dissatisfaction, that you haven't been the only drug-riddled pantless phycho riding the bus.


havenbliss 43F

10/1/2005 10:44 pm

Once again you have outdone yourself....I enjoy your horoscopes and hope you keep them up. Thanks!!

So what would mine be?


AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
10/1/2005 11:00 pm

Personal horoscope for Havenbliss

Virgo August 24-September 23You will be asked to participate in a blindfolded taste test later this week...but you won't be quite sure what the end result of the experiment is supposed to prove other than the fact that some of the test administrators have really big sausage fingers.


AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
10/2/2005 11:59 am

Personal horoscope for MyNaughtyNic

This one is a little creepy, Nic but out of anyone on this site, I'm sure you can handle it well. Enjoy.

Capricorn December 22-January 20 You're usually not one to give in to the demands of others, especially if they are being rude and impersonal about it, but as you will spend the week trapped in a dank pit in some creep's dungeon, you're really left with no choice but to put the lotion in the basket.


CuriousKitty675 41F
365 posts
10/3/2005 4:52 pm

    Quoting AtomicArtist0:
    Personal horoscope for MyNaughtyNic

    This one is a little creepy, Nic but out of anyone on this site, I'm sure you can handle it well. Enjoy.

    Capricorn December 22-January 20 You're usually not one to give in to the demands of others, especially if they are being rude and impersonal about it, but as you will spend the week trapped in a dank pit in some creep's dungeon, you're really left with no choice but to put the lotion in the basket.
Put the lotion in the basket! BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! Love it.

So what about this old bull that doesn't see the best in bad situations?


AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
10/4/2005 12:08 am

Personal horoscope for CuriousKitty675

Taurus April 21-May21 Signing up on an adult website will finally pay off this month as you will reach your personal goal of getting "more ass than a toilet seat". As the toilet seat in question is that of truckstop Denny's, it won't be the quality of ass you had anticipated.


AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
10/14/2005 12:41 pm

Personal Horoscope for Tipadee

Capricorn December 22-January 20Thanks to an unfortunate incident that will unfold at the zoo this week, you can be assured that they will never let you anywhere near the baboon cage in a short,red skirt again.


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