I know I am not alone....but damn!  

Arheilegenman 48M
261 posts
7/4/2006 3:37 pm

Last Read:
7/15/2006 5:12 am

I know I am not alone....but damn!


A recent confession from my mother brought attention to something I didn't ever know...not adoption but strange and discomforting...When I was a new baby in this world, my mother asked a friend who was into tarot cards and tea leaves to read my future... you would think that she would give the standard he will do ok, work hard and have a decent life....general shit which would fit life for most....nope, she looked my mother in the eyes and told her that I would have a hard life, struggle hard for everything I would want and most likely die alone.

This is strange and discomforting because my life fits that description rather well....
Most of my career in the military was being gone, away from family who learned that they didn't really need me. I spent 3 tours in combat and fought hard for my sanity, to deal with the stress and learn from the insanity I witnessed. That was the hardest thing to do. Every time I wanted something, a new car, orders for a new assignment....some outside source would hinder me, make me work harder than I felt I needed to in order to have it. Every move I had to make in my career... the damn paperwork would be screwed up by some idiot, causing delays and financial hardships.

Now I won't say its not me, I have screwed up plenty of stuff.... but even others would see what I am going through, knowing the details of my struggles, and would say ...Man, it sucks to be you... My love life is no different....Due to the nature of my job, it causes enough problems as it is but I see others flying through with no problem, happily married, supportive spouse and a decent life...not my luck in that either. I get a date lined up, I get the emails how interested she is and the long phone calls and just before it happens, something comes up.... Are they bullshitting me or is it due to the fact that someone somewhere decided when I was a baby that I should be fucked with my whole life....

I do have good things happen, just not very often and I have to work hard for it....I will never quit but fuck I am tired.... every day seems to be a constant struggle. I must say on a positive note that I have learned to be very resourceful and numb to the constant dissapointment...whoopie. Who are those people who seem to glide through life? I need to read their book...

Do you feel like this is you?

What do you think?

ARH

The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.

W. M. Lewis


BaronessK 52F

7/15/2006 4:00 am

I think it's all perspective -- because of and in spite of {along with, This, too, shall pass}. There is also it should not be that you can only believe if you see it -- believe it AND you will see it. There are many paths, but the journey is yours...and how, where, why, when...it is all in your hands to a great extent.

There was a poem, quite famous yet I can't recall it at the moment...talked about what a wonderful, great life this guy had {went on and on about it}; it ended talking about the guy going home one day and committing suicide.

I don't know so much that I've had a great life; it's been quite crappy, actually. My first husband was little more than a sperm donor {and I wasted 10 years of my life trying to 'fix' what was of no value}. Who else could I have met, for example? I have 2 wonderful children from that marriage, though. My second husband, he's a soul mate -- he died after we'd been married 3 years {only together for less than 4}; but I loved and was loved {and still am}. I have the memories, and although they are now 'only' memories...they are of once WAS and remains as it was, forever. The 'list' goes on and on...even past death, for me; for then, I am someone else's memory, but they 'had' me in life for a while, in that way.

Also, there are...what's the word...definitions isn't it...what you think about something, from your point of view, about a situation.... JM, my 2nd husband, died alone, in one way -- because he was in a room full of strangers in a hospital; but I was there, right outside the door. So he did not die alone in LIFE. Again, it's all a matter of perspective.

Just my $1.47 on the whole thing...I got to learn to quit f'ambling on other people's blogs!


Arheilegenman replies on 7/15/2006 5:24 am:
No, I really appreciate your comment. I have done my best to keep a good perspective on things...just difficult when even the smallest tasks requires enormous amount of time and energy to complete on a daily basis. I think I need a vacation to unwind and maybe things will look better

Arh

Arheilegenman replies on 7/15/2006 5:24 am:
No, I really appreciate your comment. I have done my best to keep a good perspective on things...just difficult when even the smallest tasks requires enormous amount of time and energy to complete on a daily. I think I need a vacation to unwind and maybe things will look better

Arh

tracy_de_lacy 105F
9268 posts
7/5/2006 2:07 am

Ya know what. Everyone's life is shite. If you think other people have it good it's just because the grass is always greener. You have no idea what head they sleep on at night. Take Princess Diana for example, fairytale wedding and everyone thought she would be the future queen, she had everything ( yeah right) in reality she had nothing.

Those people who look like they are having a brilliant life are just better at hiding their problems than the rest of us. Life is hard, damn hard.

This fortune telling thing, I can tell ya about that. My father was a gypsy and my great grandmother was a highly respected fortune teller, famous people got her to do readings for them, I won't say her name cos peeps will know it. In fortune telling the teller can only tell you how things could be. Nothing is ever written in stone, it is a guide. Now if you want your life to follow the path laid out for you by someone who may or may not have actually been a good reader then so be it, it's easy to make your life follow that path by thinking like this. If on the other hand you want to prove her wrong then you can just as easily change your destiny by going at it like a bull.

Fuck it me and you are gonna talk when I am over there. Your gonna pull yer socks up me lad. We ain't no quitters.


Bye everyone, it was a blast


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