What Are Your Interests and Limits?, Are You a Switch?  

AnnaDiorSF 40F
5 posts
3/9/2006 2:31 am
What Are Your Interests and Limits?, Are You a Switch?

I did not write the following, but I believe the observations of Mistress Seagrave of Columbus, Ohio are excellent. I am in complete agreement with her and I want to share her viewpoint with everyone:

Everyone wants to know more about the world of S&M. Here are some questions I recently received.

Kenny writes: I have never been with a dominatrix, although I constantly have fantasies about being with one. What is it like? It seems so INTENSE...anything like you see on TV?

Mistress Seagrave replies: Seeing a dominatrix can be an intense, mind blowing experience. The kinds of things you see on TV--such as a sexy black vinyl skintight catsuit, mysterious contraptions like spanking benches and suspension devices, and dangerous looking whips and paddles and rope--can be part of your session with a professional dominatrix. However, what you don’t see on TV is that all BDSM activities are discussed beforehand. For example, if you contact a Domme prior to a session, practically all of them will send you a questionnaire asking about

1. your kinky interests
2. your favorite fantasies
3. your limits (this is very important)

So, for example, you might say you are interested in bondage and you have a fetish for stockings, that your fantasy is about getting tied to a bed while a woman wearing Cuban heeled stockings gently walks all over your body, but your limit is that you don’t like pain and don’t want to experience any pain except the slight pressure of my stocking-clad feet on your delicate parts. It’s crucial that I know your limits before we start to play. By negotiating your boundaries and limits beforehand, we are able to insure that we are both willing partners who have given our consent to engage in BDSM activities.

* * *

The very lovely MissG writes: I am very curious because sometimes I feel like I am dominant, but then again sometimes the exact opposite.

Mistress Seagrave: You are a switch, which means that you are able to enjoy being dominant or submissive, depending on your mood and the chemistry you have with your partner. Some people think that switches are the best BDSM partners because they understand how it feels on the other side of the whip. You might be happy if you find a partner who also likes to switch and then you can trade off, or you might find some partners who are dominant and some partners who are submissive, and then you can nurture both sides of your erotic personality.

* * *

Derek writes: I would like to know more about being a dom. Can you assist me with this? I haven’t had many experiences, but I know that I do like bondage.

Mistress Seagrave: There are many ways to expand your horizons and learn more about being a dominant. I’ll assume you’ve already explored various erotic websites. Exploring the web can help you figure out what your own fantasies are. But if you want to become a better dom, I believe you also need to read educational books and attend workshops.

BOOKS The absolute best place to start is Greenery Press. Greenery Press specializes in educational books about the logistics (i.e. how to do rope bondage) as well as books about how to negotiate Dominant/submissive powers dynamics with your partner. One of my favorite books in the Greenery Press catalog is Deborah Addington’s Essential Guide to Erotic Roleplay. Like the other Greenery authors, Addington doesn’t just write about erotic role play; she also helps you figure out how to realistically bring more kinkiness into your life.

WORKSHOPS You can find out about educational BDSM workshops by getting in touch with local BDSM groups and clubs. Here is a list of clubs in Ohio. Many of the clubs offer instructive presentations about BDSM that are open to the public.

OTHER OPTIONS If your lifestyle does not permit you to attend a public presentation about BDSM, you may find that some professional dominatrices will offer instructional sessions that cover both theory and practice about safe BDSM. This is like having a personal trainer or a personal chef, so it’s pricey, but it’s a great “hands-on” approach to learning how to be a better dom.

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