The Gospel according to the Chav  

AlbertPrince 57M
4459 posts
12/14/2005 3:59 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

The Gospel according to the Chav

There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (Wossat then?)

She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend called Joe, innit? He's does joinery an' that. Mary lives wiv 'im in a crib dahn Nazaref.

One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like: "Oo you lookin' at?"

Gabriel just goes: "You got one up the duff, you 'ave"

Mary's totally gobsmacked. She give it to 'im large. "Stop dissing me, yeah? I ain't no Kappa-slappa. I neva bin wiv no one!"

So Mary goes and sees her cousin, Liz, who's six months gone herself.

Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an' that.

She's like: "Orright Mary, I can proper feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon I'm well blessed. What with the extra benefits an' that."

Mary goes: "Yeah, I spose you're right."

Anyway, there's the census, y'knaaa? Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to twock a donkey, an' go dahn Beflehem on dat.

They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah? To have her bay-bee an' dat.

But there ain't no room in the inn, innit? So Mary an' Joe break an' enter into this garridge, only its filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep an' dat.

Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on their heads. They're like "Respect, bay-bee Jesus", an' say they're wise men from the East End.

Joe goes: "if you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein and Myrhh? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas an' Burberry?"

It's all abaht to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another message from this Lord geezer. He's like: "The police is coming an' they're killing all the bay-bees. You better nash off to Egypt."

Joe goes: "You must be monged if you think I'm goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey."

Gabriel sez: "Suit yerself, pal. But it's yours look-aht if you stay."

So they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killing the first born an' its safe an' dat. Then Mary an' Joe an' Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus turns water into lager.

Amen..... whatever..!

JJKittyKat 59F

12/14/2005 5:57 am

that is sooo funny

helga_hansen 49F  
1987 posts
12/14/2005 6:19 am

How did you manage to get my Sunshine Strip photos?? I'm gonna have Amber's head for this!

Geez... you've just managed to ruin the image of Christmas forever... innit?


Love, hugs and kisses from ♥♥HH♥♥

oldman1776 78M
3164 posts
12/14/2005 9:02 am

I like that very funny. I agree with Helga Christmas will never be the same.

brightblonde3 58F

12/14/2005 12:10 pm

I'm an American so I don't speak English...


fantasia_shares 47M/43F
4164 posts
12/14/2005 7:58 pm



You might want to know who to watch out for around here: Are YOU a Dirty Bad Man or Woman? !

Please tell me the secrets of your sex appeal Primping!

And a MUST READ: [post 2294897]

Just shamelessly pimping my own damned blog!

AlbertPrince 57M

12/19/2005 6:14 am

JJ ~

HH ~ I got them from

oldman ~ don't worry, you'll still enjoy it

angel ~ good, I thought it was funny too

BB ~ you only need to read it

flyaway ~ I'm not really sure what that means

fantasia ~ here in the UK we are lucky to have a sub-culture that we call chavs. keep following my blog and you may learn more about them

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