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The Benefit of Chain Letters
The Benefit of Chain Letters
I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your damn chain letters over the past few years. Yes, thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of what's left of my heart for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
Because of your concern...I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat faeces and urine.
I no longer use cling wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
buffalo on a hot day.
I no longer use margarine because it's one molecule away from being plastic.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume
sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Beijing and Uzbekistan.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St. Theresa has granted my every wish.
Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. (WOW, the BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl in India who is about to die (for the 1,387,258th time).
I no longer have any money at all. But that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me!
I will now return the favour.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1,200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhoea will crap on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from a thousand camels will infest your armpits.
I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of my next door neighbour’s ex-mother-in-law's 8th husband's 2nd cousin's 3rd husband's ex-wife's mother's beautician!
11/24/2005 11:49 am
you have a great sence of humer they should call you Sir Albert.|
11/24/2005 12:14 pm
Hummers? you get hummers if you follow this chain letter? finally, one worth a damn! I'll get right on it!|
11/24/2005 5:35 pm
I LOVE IT!!! |
I am so sick of all those flipping chain letters you have made my day with this one.
11/25/2005 12:09 am
LMAOOOO, too funny. T|
11/27/2005 1:03 am
oldman - most of THEM call me your majesty|
horny - and may all your dreams come true
fun68 - glad to help
frbnkslady - haha