Not me officer!  

AlbertPrince 57M
4459 posts
8/24/2005 9:41 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Not me officer!

A police officer pulls a bloke over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's licence?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I went got my 3rd drink-driving ban.

Officer: I see sir, well may I see the log book for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen ?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the log book in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the boot.

Officer: There's a BODY in the BOOT ?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his Superintendent. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the Superintendent approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Superintendent: Sir, can I see your licence?

Driver: Sure. Here it is. (It was valid.)

Superintendent: Who's car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the log book.

Superintendent: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Superintendent: Would you mind opening your boot ? I was told you said there's a body in it.

Driver: No problem.

Boot is opened; No body.

Superintendent: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a licence, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the boot.

Driver: Yeah, and I'll bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too !

TheQuietGuy2005 54M
2386 posts
8/25/2005 4:20 am

For some obscure reason, Al, that reminds me of this:

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000". The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets.

The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"

The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square."

The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.

The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?"

"Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square."

"Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness."

"No problem", said the president of the Bank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.

The president was happy to oblige.

The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course", said the president. "Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure."

The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, "Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!"

AlbertPrince 57M

8/25/2005 6:27 am

What do you have if you have a green ball in one hand, and a green ball in the other hand?

AlbertPrince 57M

8/26/2005 2:27 am

The undivided attention of the Jolly Green Giant

Become a member to create a blog