How To Order A Pizza  

AlbertPrince 57M
4459 posts
9/1/2005 1:57 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

How To Order A Pizza

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.

Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.

Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

Terminate the call with, Remember, we never had this conversation.

Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and youre going with the lowest bidder.

Give them your address, exclaim Oh, just surprise me and hang up.

Answer their questions with questions.
In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.

Use these bonus words in the conversation, ROBUST FREE-SPIRITED COST-EFFICIENT UKRAINIAN PUCE

Tell them to put the crust on top this time.

Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallicas Master of Puppets CD.

Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.

Put an extra edge in your voice when you say crazy bread.

Stutter on the letter p.

Ask for a deal available somewhere else.

Ask what the order taker is wearing.

Crack your knuckles into the receiver.

Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.

Tell the order taker youre depressed. Get him or her to cheer you up.

Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.

Change your accent every three seconds.

Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate.

Ask if they need paper.

Rent a pizza.

Order while using an electric knife sharpener.

Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.

Have your pizza shaken, not stirred.

Tell them to double check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.

Imitate the order takers voice.

Eliminate verbs from your speech.

When they say What would you like, say, Huh, Oh, you mean now.

Ask to see a menu.

Ask for the guy who took your order last time.

Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.

When they repeat your order, say Again, with a little more OOMPH this time.

Start the conversation by reciting todays date and saying, This may be my last entry.

Give them your address, exclaim Oh, just surprise me and hang up.

Put them on hold.


Teach the order taker a secret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.

When they say Will that be all, snicker and say We will find out, wont we.

When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.

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