Avoid these subjects  

AlbertPrince 57M
4459 posts
9/11/2005 2:28 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Avoid these subjects

In answer to HardlyYours4Now post Blogging 101 - Session 2 I offer the following:

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
Then someone told me there wasn’t a god. But if that’s true who pops up the next Kleenex? And surely 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
All I can say is “Thank God I'm an atheist”.

Making a speech on economics is a bit like pissing down your leg. It seems hot to you but never to anyone else.
Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift" ... they say "President", we say "stupid psychopathic git.
Politicians are interested in people. Not that this is always a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs.

What's wrong with a little incest? It's both handy and cheap.
My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.
Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
My parents used to beat the shit out of me. And, looking back on it, I'm glad they did. I'm looking forward to beating the shit out of my own kids, for no reason whatsoever.
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM-"Will you look at the dirt on the back on your neck!

The other day, I was walking my dog around my building...on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths
I had a dog once. I spilled spot remover on him, and now he's gone
I had to get rid of my wife. The cat was allergic.
Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well.
When I wash the cat, it takes me hours to get the hair off my tongue
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat, and no amount of masking tape can ever totally remove his fur from your couch
Cats are the ultimate narcissists. You can tell this by all the time they spend on personal grooming. Dogs aren't like this. A dog's idea of personal grooming is to roll in a dead fish.
They say the dog is man's best friend. I don't believe that. How many of your friends have you neutered?
I have a great dog. She's half Lab, half pit bull. A good combination. Sure, she might bite off my leg, but she'll bring it back to me.

playfulwithyou33 56F
961 posts
9/11/2005 4:08 pm

I swear there ain't no heaven, but I pray there ain't no hell...

Some of these are hilarious

rm_texasgal1978 45F
225 posts
9/12/2005 4:33 am

You started my day off with a chuckle

HardlyYours4Now 52M

9/12/2005 1:12 pm

Yep, that about covers it. By the way - the next Kleenex? That's the work of a former Keebler elf who was displaced due to outsourcing.

JJKittyKat 59F

9/12/2005 4:05 pm

I liked they say president...LOL

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