A Blast From The Past  

AlbertPrince 57M
4459 posts
1/28/2006 9:36 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

A Blast From The Past

Guys are quiet in bed because .....

Guys are quiet in bed because we are too busy thinking. You heard me right. Thinking. Deep thoughts. You see, it seems to generally be the guy's job, (at least in my experience) to make the girl feel as good as possible and have sweet, sweet orgasms. The girl, on the other hand, is generally content to just lay back and see what I've got to offer. Again, I can't speak for anyone else, this is just in my personal experience.

Not only am I thinking during sex, I am multi-tasking. My neuro-net processor of a brain is pounding algorithms as fast as my penis is pounding pussy.

Just what is going through my head during sex? Like the moon, this is a frontier so far journeyed only by man. But here is a small window of what goes on in my head during sex:


BRAIN: "Alright, time for some action"
BRAIN: "I hope I don't fuck up this time"
BRAIN: "Is that the right hole?"
BRAIN: "Oh wait, there it is"
BRAIN: "All right, lets start out slow"

It isn't long before my thoughts turn into a quiet panic.

BRAIN: "Damn, she just moved."
BRAIN: "Did I do something right, or did I hurt her"
BRAIN: "She's making noises!"
BRAIN: "Pain noises or pleasure noises?"
BRAIN: "Let try stepping up the pace a little"
BRAIN: "More noises, I pretty sure that's pleasure now"
BRAIN: "Oh yeah, she's starting to flush, I like that"
BRAIN: "Lets try changing the angle a bit"
.............................

BRAIN: "Nope, didn't like that"
BRAIN: "Damn, what was I doing before?"
BRAIN: "Fuck it, lets try a different position"
WOMAN: "OUCH!"
BRAIN: "Yeah....that one was definitely pain>
WOMAN: "What are you doing?"
BRAIN: "Mayday! Mayday!"
BRAIN: "Decrease Velocity!"
BRAIN: "Open flaps"
BRAIN: "Landing gear engaged"
BRAIN: "Disengage primary thrusters"
BRAIN: "Systems check"
ME: "You allright?"
WOMAN: "Uh....Yeah"
BRAIN: "No system damage"
ME: "Allright, lets try this again"

–five minutes later....computer pretty much takes over–

BRAIN: "Allright, back on track"
BRAIN: "Target in sight, hold position"
BRAIN: "C'mon.......C'mon"
BRAIN: "Hold it......Hold it....."
COMPUTER: WARNING! WARNING!
COMPUTER: ERR-ERR-ERR
BRAIN: "Oh shit"
COMPUTER: SYSTEM OVERLOAD IMMINENT
BRAIN: "Oh shit, not yet!"
BRAIN: "Just a little longer"
COMPUTER: DANGER HULL INTEGRITY
COMPUTER: SYSTEM OVERLOAD COMMENCING
BRAIN: "FUCK! I'm not going to make it"
BRAIN: "Pull out and prepare for manual override"
COMPUTER: SYSTEM OVERLOAD __________
BRAIN: "Pull out, pull out"
COMPUTER: AUTO PILOT ENGAGED
BRAIN: "NO! UNENGAGE! UNENGAGE!"
COMPUTER: TARGET LOCKED....TARGET LOCKED
BRAIN: "If I cum now, will it be too soon?"
BRAIN: "If I cum now, will it be too soon?"
BRAIN: "If I cum now, will it be too soon?"
COMPUTER: SYSTEM OVERLOAD __________
COMPUTER: SYSTEM OVERLOAD __________
BRAIN: "Must....hold....on"
COMPUTER: SYSTEM OVERLOAD __________
BRAIN: "can't.....hold it"
COMPUTER: SYSTEM OVERLOAD __________
BRAIN: "Its out of my control, its in God's hands now"
COMPUTER: "PRIMARY VALVE: EJACULATING"
COMPUTER: "AUTOMATIC SYSTEM SHUT DOWN: COMMENCING"

WOMAN: "Honey, are you alright?"
ME: Yeah.....my head hurts...."
WOMAN: "Sorry"
ME: No, the other head"
WOMAN: "What?"
ME: Nothing"
ME: Did you cum"
WOMAN: "What, you didn't notice"
ME: Actually, I was kinda too busy to notice"
WOMAN: "You're so weird"
ME: You should try being the pilot next time"
WOMAN: "Get off me, I need to pee"

Do you ever find that pre-orgasm expression on a guys face funny?
Ever wonder what he's feeling"
Its not pain
Its not pleasure
It is deep, hard, seething thought.


Sister_Act_4_You 37F/37F

1/28/2006 1:55 pm

Thank you soooo much for this little journey into a man's mind.....sex will never be the same for me again!

::: sigh :::

I'm going to miss having sex the way I used to.....

lol!


saddletrampsk 54F

1/28/2006 2:25 pm


yagottalikit 49F
583 posts
1/28/2006 6:19 pm

And all this time I thought the only thing going through his brain was "Damn, I'm so lucky to be with such an amazing goddess!" (my bubble has been burst) gee Thanks!

Yagotta get it soft and wet so we can kick/stick it


rm_erectones 56F

1/29/2006 6:54 am

Now that was funny!
The things we all worry about in bed instead of just relaxing into it and letting ourselves go. I hope you find that one day my sweet -- someone who is just all feels right with and your brain can shut down and you can just register pleasure, pleasure, pleasure!


DTduzDallas 50F

1/29/2006 4:32 pm

lmfao! This is the funniest shit I've read in quite some time...


digdug41 49M

1/30/2006 2:57 pm

roflmao you are the fuckin man al

roaming the cyber streets of blogland


JJKittyKat 59F

1/31/2006 2:42 am

I'll have to agree with Dig


rm_hinkawaza 52M
371 posts
1/31/2006 8:40 am

Try doing complicated math problems in your head, but please try not to look like Joey Tribiani while doing it!


EyeCandy33333 44F
761 posts
1/31/2006 12:33 pm

You have me and my arse smiling darling-hmmmm-but I have never said get off I have to pee-lol--but all that going through a man's mind-and all I ever thought was...


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