<font size=3 color=brown>Dr Prince  

AlbertPrince 57M
4459 posts
9/27/2005 3:39 am

Last Read:
6/28/2006 1:30 am

<font size=3 color=brown>Dr Prince

How To Use A Penis

So, you've found a penis but you don't know how to use it. Well, lucky for you I have a penis and I have spent a good part of my life using it. The most important thing to remember is that the penis was specially designed by God to make your vagina feel good. Unfortunately, God did a shitty design job and he attached the penis to a man - so the chances of a penis making you feel good are infinitesimal.

While God did a lousy job where you're concerned, making the guy who owns the penis happy is as easy as Betty Crocker Brownies in a Pan. All you really have to do is look at it, talk about it or lightly graze it, and you've probably done a good enough job.

Let's make this clear right up front. If I was a woman I wouldn't go anywhere near a penis. I'd get myself dolled up real nice and find me a lipstick lesbian and a top of the line vibrator and never think about penises again. Better yet, if, by the grace of God, I turned out to be a lipstick lesbian, I would get myself a vibrator and a mirror and never leave my bedroom. But you want to meet a nice guy and eventually you will be forced to deal with his penis.

Seriously, though if you want to use a penis correctly, let's recall that lesson they taught us in health class back in High School. Who can forget the "Triangle of Sexual Pleasure"?

Friction: Your partner will undoubtedly have his preference, but don't be afraid to use your own judgement too. Provide said friction with your hand, oral cavity, or perhaps your breasts pressed together. This latter method might lead to what the kids call a "pearl necklace."

Lubrication: If you are actually interested in your partner, it may be possible that natural mucus lubrication is formed in your vaginal canals. In lieu of this, you might try any one of a number of commercial preparations. In a pinch, saliva can come in handy and it might appear that you are "hungry" for your partner. Finally, over-the-counter personal hygiene products such as hand lotions are a possibility. Remember, never use shampoo, stick to the conditioner!

Privacy: Today's couples are not as concerned about the level of privacy required for the use of genitalia. This will depend on your own preference and blood alcohol level. For example, using one's hand under a table at McDonalds might be acceptable for some couples, but not for others - using ketchup as a lubricant makes this a "Happy Meal."

Sweet merciful crap! You may come across what's called an uncircumcised penis. If you see one of these, run like hell. It's filled with diseases and something called smegma and what the hell are you doing going out with a guy who doesn't have the common decency to get rid of his foreskin for you. What the hell is a corpus spongisum? It's fun to say but I'm pretty sure that my dick doesn't have one.

But of course penises and vaginas don’t always interact in in the way you expect. At this point, the penis finds its hand, and the vagina finds its vibrator and everyone lived happily ever after. If you want it done right, do it yourself.

Oh and by the way - that's Halle Berry posing
with a life-size model of my penis
that's housed at the Museum of Natural History.

See also
<font size=3 color=brown>Dr Prince
<font size=3 color=brown>Dr Prince

helga_hansen 49F  
1987 posts
9/27/2005 7:28 am

A man's guide, you say? Do the fellas in the Tub know you're...um... you know... that way inclined?


PS. I'm printing off this guide for my date next week... hope he appreciates me swotting up like this!!

Love, hugs and kisses from ♥♥HH♥♥

JJKittyKat 59F

9/27/2005 8:41 am

Im very impressed by the life size model of your penis when did you pose for that??

TheQuietGuy2005 54M
2386 posts
9/27/2005 8:42 am

Not to put too fine a point on it ... hmmmph

AlbertPrince 57M

9/27/2005 9:42 am

Helga - I think he'd be terrified if he knew who's advice you were following.

JJ - you obviously didn't realise that Halle Berry was only 4 inches tall

TQ - you have some doubts about this advice?

brightblonde3 58F

9/27/2005 10:56 am

*picking up phone* Hello, Travelocity?

*reading comment about Halle's actual height*

Never mind. Sorry, I called the wrong number.


AlbertPrince 57M

9/27/2005 11:45 am

BB - there's not much I can teach you about penises is there? Did you know they were supposed to be bigger than that?

rm_EE407 41F
3903 posts
9/27/2005 2:49 pm

that's how it works?? sjeesss I had no idea

AlbertPrince 57M

9/27/2005 3:49 pm

EE - that's why Dr Prince is here - to educate those who need it. Hopefully you will be be able to put what you have learned into practice, very soon.

dano6332 56M

9/27/2005 4:38 pm

Albert, I am so enjoying catching up on your blogs Awesome stuff man

rm_EE407 41F
3903 posts
9/27/2005 9:48 pm

AP, sjeesss I hope so...

AlbertPrince 57M

9/29/2005 12:42 am

dano - you've got a lot of reading to do

EE - Dr Prince has some very interesting and as yet untried theories

rm_besomi 39F

6/9/2006 4:44 pm


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