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AlbertPrince 57M
4459 posts
10/19/2005 5:52 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

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<font face=comic sans ms” size=3>SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurts, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar. </font></font>

digdug41 49M

10/19/2005 10:25 am

hey those are pretty good al

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

rm_EE407 41F
3903 posts
10/19/2005 11:17 am

Thanks for reminding me of the rules before I take of to chicago!


FunandFrisky79 41M/37F

10/19/2005 10:30 pm

LMAO, Great list!

Thanks for the tips! (I think I'll have to print them & carry them with me as my "Pocket Reference Guide" to the bar. I'm sure they'll come in handy!)


AlbertPrince 57M

10/20/2005 2:34 am

dig - not a lot of use to you anymore I'm afraid

EVB - make sure you learn them and use them wisely

fun - they are handy, but I always find I'm too drunk to read them

rm_luke69iner 48M
3275 posts
10/20/2005 11:18 am

SYMPTOM: Pick up lines not working.
FAULT: You are too sober.
ACTION: Drink mass quantities of beer. Ladies love men that slur their words from drunkeness, especially when they slur cute pick up lines like:
"What'll you say we make like Winnie-the-poo and I can get my nose stuck in your honey jar."

In the morning when you wake up with a sore booty lying next to a transvestite get out and tell no one.

S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo

AlbertPrince 57M

10/21/2005 12:57 am

luke - ah ... so familiar

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