Pseudo Single  

Absurdaholic 47M
23 posts
9/8/2006 9:24 pm

Last Read:
9/24/2006 7:39 pm

Pseudo Single

So here I am in the midst of this separation and feeling pretty lonely, but also feeling like I'm in limbo.

I find it hard to believe that I am ever going back to my wife as anything more than a friend, or as partner in raising a child. Yet I still have thoughts of guilt regarding other women.

While I was packing my things to leave, my wife tried to seduce me and it really tore my heart out. I wish I could feel for her in that way again, but really, her actions were out of desperation and did not stem from healthy emotions, or even a legitimate sex drive. I know my refusal crushed her. But she's delusional and stuck in a past that never existed. Her embrace is like a chain dragging me down into wet cement. I won't drown with her.

Now I'm alone here without a partner myself. No desperation, but an oppressive awareness of my own solitude.

I don't know what I want. I need to be desired by someone sane, who isn't afraid to get a little crazy with me. But I think my own freezing up due to guilt is only going to be overcome by someone that is aggressive with me. I don't think that's a likely situation. I've never met that kind of partner.

I KNOW I'm lovable, but I don't feel desirable tonight. I'm not actually depressed about it, but it is an emotional damper. I am a confident guy that has to make split second decisions daily and often his risk his life as part of his job. Yet my confidence is now lacking in social circles. I know who I am, and I love who I am, but I think I may be an acquired taste.

30 posts
9/10/2006 5:57 pm

Dude I know how you feel..
I did the split about 3 years ago..
Still feel guilty about it sometimes..

Absurdaholic 47M

9/18/2006 8:05 pm

I hope it gets better for both of us. Thanks for stopping by my blog. Sharing loneliness is less lonely.

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