Divorce Without The Lawyers  

9Inches917 39M
36 posts
8/15/2005 12:16 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Divorce Without The Lawyers


Perhaps something similar has happened to someone else out there. Perhaps not.

But this is my story and situation. You get the abridged version.

I've been in a relationship for six years. Good God. Six years. 1/4.5th of my life! If this relationship were named after a flavor of ice cream- it would be called Rocky Road.

Started off with the parents not approving. Moved along through hectic scenario after hectic scenario. And one day, while the lady was off on one of her frequent journeys, I woke up and realized that I was stutter stepping towards my future because I was completely certain that I was uncertain.

I looked around and started to grasp that I was one miserable bastard. I'd pull into the driveway at night and get a knot in my stomach if her car was there.

Now- I'm into Mixed Martial Arts (MMA)(Ultimate Fighting Championship for those who don't know) I've been training to fight for years. Naturally, I don't get in fights, but I know how to handle them when/if they happen. Point being: I'm not one to run from conflict. But this little lady has beaten the fight right out of me (not physically, of course). Seems like everything I do is open to question and scrutiny. Each step I make seems to be the wrong one. And when you hit that point, you either tuck tail and turn into one of those guys who just shuts up and lets his woman run his life, or you have to get the hell out of things and save your balls from being put in a jar that travels in some woman's pocketbook with her whereever she goes.

And this is where I find myself today. Stuck in a relationship. I've got a year long lease, a joint checking account (which I dump a considerable amount into each week) and all kinds of other things that tie us together.

This is where the wrinkle works itself in. In just two weeks, she leaves for China for a whole month. When she gets back, she's back for a week before she bounces down to Florida for more grad school. Back from that for a few weeks, then back down to Florida for more school for two weeks. Home for a month, back on the road for work for two weeks. January rolls in, and she moves to Florida full time.

Originally I was heading down there with her. But as I awoke back at the end of July, I found myself alone and happy. Found myself not missing anything about her. Realized that the best part of this relationship was the sex. That's been the glue that kept us together. I make this girl come whenever she wants, and it's gotten to the point now where I would rather just NOT have sex. (You know you got a problem then!)

Now I sit and anxiously await the day when she is gone, and I'm once again alone. I love my apartment. I love my job. I'm finding myself spending even more time working simply to steer clear of home and battles about idiotic stuff.

I even tried to finally end things this past weekend, and suddenly the water works kick in (she cries at the drop of a hat) and I find myself caving in, saying "oh no don't worry everything will be fine."

I refuse to leave my home, refuse to be put out in that way. So instead- I'm like a jet in a holding pattern. But even the most mundane of things bother me these days, and I'm about as laid back as you can get without being a bum.

It sucks to be stuck like this, and know that there is a whole world out there that I'd enjoy once again being a part of. But in the mean time, I've gotta play the role so that I can get her outta town once and for all.

I figure this is a good place to track all the stupidity that goes down between here and there. So if you enjoy checking out other people in tricky spots- check back here when you can. Because each time something stupid happens, I'll be putting it down in here.

Then- when the day arrives that she's bounced, I'll be sharing that as well.

So come along and feel free to feel better about your own situation as you read about mine.

Six years, and I thank God that I never put a diamond on that finger. This is a divorce without the lawyers. One that will be tough to go through, not because of the loss, but because getting to the point of no return is going to take every ounce of my restraint and strength.

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