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SoyKofla2
28757 posts

9/1/2008 7:27 pm

 I am sure some of you are familiar with the Five Stages Of Grief as defined by Elizabeth Kubler Ross. This is a different take of those stages as written by a fellow blogerette.

Seven Stages of Adult FriendFinder

Shock or Disbelief Perhaps you stumbled across an ad for this friendly web site while doing some less than innocent internet surfing. “Hmmm,” you said to yourself, “maybe I should see what that’s about.” Upon doing your first search, you were confronted with a sea of erect penis close-ups. “What the fuck??”, you think. “People really post pictures of their genitals for the whole world to see?”.
Denial You quickly learn that you cannot see much of anything at all on the site unless you, yourself post a profile here. So, you just carelessly throw something together. “It’s just so I can browse a few profiles” you tell yourself. “It doesn’t mean that I’m anything like those slutty looking women who they use to promote this web site.” And you would never actually post a picture of yourself on the site – good lord!

After you post your minimalistic profile, you’re flooded with messages. More messages in a week, than you got during months on match or y*hoo personals or eh*rmony. So, you tell yourself, “Well, maybe this site could actually work to find a friend with benefits or something.” You tell yourself that’s all you’re after – one friend with benefits. It’s not like you’re a wanton slut or anything.
Bargaining
(or the Kid in the Candy Store stage)		 You start to be tempted to try out guys who you never would have ever considered. Younger guys. Guys who aren’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, but who have GREAT bodies. You get hit on by couples, and wonder about the threesome option. “Well,” you tell yourself, “maybe I should sow a few wild oats – after all, I’m single right now and I’m not getting any younger. Now would be a good time to get some of this stuff out of my system.”
Solidifying the Addiction You discover the chat rooms on the web site and start hanging out there. You might even meet your chat room buddies in person at a meet and greet. You start making friendships that have nothing to do with a potential of getting laid.

The lightbulb goes on in your head that you could post pictures of yourself without your face, and not have to worry about some co-worker or relative recognizing you on the site. Hell – you could even post provocative pictures! You get brave and post a picture in your underwear. The number of messages to your profile doubles. You’re flattered by the compliments (especially as a middle aged woman who is seemingly invisible to men’s interest, when out and about in a fully clothed state).

You notice that some of your chat room friends have web cams, and think to yourself, “Hey, that looks fun!” You get a web cam and are astounded to discover that you could be sitting there, doing nothing but typing in the chat room, and be watched by hundreds of people, many of whom are sending pleading IM’s to you asking you to chat with them. Once again, your female vanity is tickled, and you start playing around with wearing sexier clothes on cam and less of them.

Then maybe you discover the blog section of the site, start reading and posting blogs, and make friends with all kinds of wonderfully funny and interesting people there.

All of these things serve to solidify your addiction to the site, even during times when the actual sex prospects are slim.
Guilt Then one day, you tally up the number of men who you’ve slept with since you joined the site, and are horrified. You resolve to become more selective, effective immediately.
Anger At some point, you reach that that breaking point. The day where:

  • the umpteenth guy writes you a rude e-mail; or

  • the umpteenth guy vigorously courts you, sending flirtatious emails every day, only to ignore you after his objective has been achieved; or

  • the umpteenth guy stands you up; or

  • for the umpteenth time, you exchange many e-mails with someone, only to have the correspondence fizzle out without ever having resulted in an in-person meeting.

    Or maybe all of the above happen in the same day. You’re not sure whether to be angry with the men on the site, or with yourself for being such a chump, but either way, you’re angry.
    • Depression Sort of similar to the Anger stage, only the emphasis is more on your own discouragement, rather than being outwardly directed. You start to feel like you will never meet someone who is looking for the same thing you are. You wonder why you get so many more emails from men who are twenty years younger or fifteen years older, than from men in your own age vicinity. You are very, very, tired of writing polite ‘no thank you’ responses. You might hit a milestone birthday and say to yourself, “Oh my god, I’m __ years old – what the hell am I doing on a sex site?”
    Acceptance You accept the following facts:

    A large percentage of people are incapable of writing a witty, engaging first email, and it is probably unreasonable to expect that of them.

    While there is a remote possibility that you could meet a soul mate who is also a sex fiend on the site, it is just that – remote. If you’re truly looking for more than a series of ‘no strings attached’ liaisons (god I hate that phrase – that could be a whole ‘nother blog), you are going to be better served by cultivating your circle of non-A FF friends.

    In the meantime, the site offers entertainment, usually in sufficient amounts to offset the aggravations. And there is the possibility of occasionally finding someone nice to bump bodies with.

    In the words of someone’s handle that I saw in the chatroom the other day: Lighten up - it’s A FF.


    Note: Obviously this represents the seven stages of A. F.F for females. I’m guessing the seven stages for males are discouragement, discouragement, discouragement, discouragement, discouragement, discouragement, and discouragement.

    This post comes by courtesy and permission granted by A Smart Woman, The Seven Stages of A FF (plus one)

    Have You Been Through Any Of The A.F.F. Stages?



    Previous Posts:
    HURRICANE GUSTAV - Are We Prepared?
    It's Never Easy To Say Goodbye
    May All Your Wishes Come True
    Lacrosse Comes To The Inner City
    Summer Camp Share Your Success Story
    Summer Camp Growing Pain
    It's Time For Summer Camp

    © copyright KOFLA 2008





    Whos Your Pick? Giants vs Eagles

    WickedInnocence0

    9/1/2008 7:52 pm

    		 I jumped from 1 to 7
    WickedInnocence0

    Gedalia3
    7508 posts

    9/1/2008 7:57 pm

    		 too funny. Although I like your male version!!
    ...and now for something COMPLETELY different (from the usual blog stuff!!).
    Come check out The Social Contract. A little brain food!!
    "Here I come.....to save the day"

    lilac1964
    532 posts 

    9/1/2008 8:07 pm

    		 Bravo! You, dear sir, are amazing!

    (have you secretly been watching me the last couple of years since I found this site??? lol)

    xoxo

    ~G

    midniterydexoxo

    9/1/2008 8:37 pm

    		 kofla.... this is too good!

    i love it!




    smartasswoman
    5920 posts

    9/1/2008 8:43 pm

    		 Thanks for the pimp

    Maybe I should make "Lighten up, it's A FF" my tag line!

    ladycasilda
    2017 posts 

    9/1/2008 8:53 pm

    		 wonderful post!!!!
    I think most of us here have gone through the stages.
    In my case my experiences have been more good then bad.
    I guess i am lucky.
    (well, didn't we meet here?)


    Let me be your Muse...

    greeneyedwoman1
    2008 posts 

    9/1/2008 9:19 pm

    		 I've been through all the stages, and like Kubler-Ross's stages of grief, I have managed to go back and forth though some more than once. I am now securely in the acceptance stage and use the site simply for entertainment.
    Passion lives longer when friendship is its nourishment

    ladytramp3
    1716 posts 

    9/1/2008 9:37 pm

    		 Well, come December, I'll have been an active member for 3 years. I actually hit stage 2 in 2003, but for slightly different reasons. (I wanted to see what my boyfriend was up to). So far, no guilt, no anger, and no more depression than usual, lol! I signed up thinking," well, at best I can get laid while looking for Mr. Right." And that has indeed happened.
    "They say love conquers all; you can't start it like a car, you can't stop it with a gun." -- Zevon

    milf655
    2990 posts

    9/2/2008 2:12 am

    		 OMG but you hit the nail on the head . ...my hubby "talked" me into it. . .now guess who has the profile and uses it for entertainment purposes 7 years later ha. ....what a blast
    happiness is a state of mind .......

    mvsmike
    5181 posts

    9/2/2008 4:48 am

    		 You my fine friend should be a psychologist. You have a gift at figuring out the human psyche. If the shoe fits. I started the site after the holiday's first time alone in a strange land. My divorce left me with family 2800 mile away. This I felt would be an outlet sexually and socially. After 6 months I dropped the sexually except the fueling need to exhibit myself for others pleasure. I love to blog and that's what I do. Write poetry to my love, and erotica for those who enjoy. Like you I also love to watch human behavior.

    Have a great day
    Mike
    Busty made me do it!

    A moment of lust
    does not equal
    The eternity of true LOVE



    CuriousAnd2Shy
    6677 posts

    9/2/2008 5:57 am

    		 Always a keeper. My Dom friend joined over the weekend, and she's absolutely at the "Kid in a Candy Store" stage. Thanks for the smile.
    Regards,
    2Shy

    teaser3d
    3233 posts

    9/2/2008 6:20 am

    		 I think the only ones I hit are 1,3 and 7... Not sure what that says about me.

    Great post! Thanks for the chuckle this morning.
    Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

    BlackHeatLust
    37869 posts

    9/2/2008 6:38 am

    		 Probably some of them all Kofla


    The AFF Blogland Anniversary Calendar: Please Help Me Fill This Out Folks!!
    Come Celebrate My Anniversary With Me Blogland!!!!!!
    You Are My Guest At The Hotel Of This Sex God: Please Sign In!!!!
    If You Are Against Trolls Here on AdultfriendFinder Then Become A Member of.................

    MotownMinx
    3832 posts 

    9/2/2008 7:18 am

    		 After 6yrs Soy.....I have hit them all
    Excellent post
    ~*JANINE*~

    random471959
    6021 posts

    9/2/2008 12:34 pm

    		 I'm going to link this one. Thank-you for sharing.

    NaughtyMe1263

    9/2/2008 12:51 pm

    		 I'm not confessing to anything!

    RevJoseyWales
    11870 posts

    9/2/2008 1:08 pm

    		 Nah, nary a one. I came here for fun, to meet new friends, and I've done just that. So I can't bitch. Rev Joe
    "American by Birth, SOUTHERN by the Grace of God"

    "This ain't Dodge City, and you ain't Bill Hickok."

    memeanne74
    5738 posts

    9/2/2008 2:00 pm

    		 Soy,

    That was funny as hell ..but accurate !

    xoxo,
    ~*Lissa
    " I think the quality of sexiness comes from within. It is something that is in you or it isn't and it really doesn't have much to do with breasts or thighs or the pout of your lips."

    UturnBlow
    39 posts

    9/2/2008 3:01 pm

    		 Perfect and funny as hell. My only question is that is there an average timeframe to pass through these stages? Years, months, days, or just save the grief and go straight to stage seven.

    SoyKofla2
    28757 posts

    9/2/2008 4:32 pm

    		 you did




    Whos Your Pick? Giants vs Eagles

    SoyKofla2
    28757 posts

    9/2/2008 4:33 pm
      Quoting Gedalia3:
      too funny. Although I like your male version!!
    Me too, a much simplified version!




    Whos Your Pick? Giants vs Eagles

    SoyKofla2
    28757 posts

    9/2/2008 4:35 pm
      Quoting lilac1964:
      Bravo! You, dear sir, are amazing!

      (have you secretly been watching me the last couple of years since I found this site??? lol)

      xoxo

      ~G
    G~ smartasswoman wrote the original post, I just asked for her permission, copy/pasted and reposted. I thought it was great! I am sure many people can relate!




    Whos Your Pick? Giants vs Eagles

    SoyKofla2
    28757 posts

    9/2/2008 4:36 pm

    		 I thought that too!




    Whos Your Pick? Giants vs Eagles

    SoyKofla2
    28757 posts

    9/2/2008 4:38 pm
      Quoting smartasswoman:
      Thanks for the pimp

      Maybe I should make "Lighten up, it's A FF" my tag line!
    No, thank you for writing it and allowing me to repost. It is an excellent post! Thanks!




    Whos Your Pick? Giants vs Eagles

    SoyKofla2
    28757 posts

    9/2/2008 4:39 pm
      Quoting ladycasilda:
      wonderful post!!!!
      I think most of us here have gone through the stages.
      In my case my experiences have been more good then bad.
      I guess i am lucky.
      (well, didn't we meet here?)
    You are right, we did met and danced here!




    Whos Your Pick? Giants vs Eagles

    SoyKofla2
    28757 posts

    9/2/2008 4:40 pm
      Quoting greeneyedwoman1:
      I've been through all the stages, and like Kubler-Ross's stages of grief, I have managed to go back and forth though some more than once. I am now securely in the acceptance stage and use the site simply for entertainment.
    Me too, we are in the same stage!




    Whos Your Pick? Giants vs Eagles

    Laila6868
    1010 posts

    9/2/2008 4:40 pm

    		 This is sooooooooooooo funny, and so true in many cases. The stages for men are funny too, but I think they may be a little different.... such as: Disbelief: I can get laid just by joining this site, and there are women there who will fuck me if I just ask them????

    Shock: They join, and perhaps send out emails or ask women in chat: Hey! Wanna fuck?, meet me at my hotel, etc., and are shocked when these women turn them down! Thinking -- this thing said I could get laid tonight! What's up with these whores?

    Discouragement: When the above never seems to work.

    Rejection: You are too fat and too ugly anyway! I didn't really want to go out with you anyway, much less fuck you!

    Anger when the above continues to fail.

    Discourgement again when the above continues to fail.

    Enlightenment: I'll post some face pics, and I will be nicer... I will send some nice emails about myself and compliment the ladies.

    Discouragement: When the above fails.

    -- I'm not as good at this as you are, so I'll let you finish it. LMAO!
    Laila


    My Blog: Laila6868

    SoyKofla2
    28757 posts

    9/2/2008 4:41 pm
      Quoting ladytramp3:
      Well, come December, I'll have been an active member for 3 years. I actually hit stage 2 in 2003, but for slightly different reasons. (I wanted to see what my boyfriend was up to). So far, no guilt, no anger, and no more depression than usual, lol! I signed up thinking," well, at best I can get laid while looking for Mr. Right." And that has indeed happened.
    Lucky girl!




    Whos Your Pick? Giants vs Eagles

    SoyKofla2
    28757 posts

    9/2/2008 4:43 pm
      Quoting milf655:
      OMG but you hit the nail on the head . ...my hubby "talked" me into it. . .now guess who has the profile and uses it for entertainment purposes 7 years later ha. ....what a blast
    Glad to hear you are still having a blast after all these years! Thank you for your comment! Welcome to my blog!




    Whos Your Pick? Giants vs Eagles

    SoyKofla2
    28757 posts

    9/2/2008 4:45 pm
      Quoting mvsmike:
      You my fine friend should be a psychologist. You have a gift at figuring out the human psyche. If the shoe fits. I started the site after the holiday's first time alone in a strange land. My divorce left me with family 2800 mile away. This I felt would be an outlet sexually and socially. After 6 months I dropped the sexually except the fueling need to exhibit myself for others pleasure. I love to blog and that's what I do. Write poetry to my love, and erotica for those who enjoy. Like you I also love to watch human behavior.

      Have a great day
      Mike
    Thanks Mike, but I didnt write this great post, it was originally written by Smartasswoman. She should get all the credit! Thanks!




    Whos Your Pick? Giants vs Eagles

    beamerbum2
    2848 posts

    9/2/2008 4:46 pm

    		 I've been there;

    1,2,3,4,5,
    4,5,
    4,5,6,
    5,6,7,8,
    4,5,
    4,5,7...

    SoyKofla2
    28757 posts

    9/2/2008 4:46 pm
      Quoting CuriousAnd2Shy:
      Always a keeper. My Dom friend joined over the weekend, and she's absolutely at the "Kid in a Candy Store" stage. Thanks for the smile.
      Regards,
      2Shy
    Kid in a candy store, that is the best part I think!




    Whos Your Pick? Giants vs Eagles

    SoyKofla2
    28757 posts

    9/2/2008 4:47 pm
      Quoting teaser3d:
      I think the only ones I hit are 1,3 and 7... Not sure what that says about me.

      Great post! Thanks for the chuckle this morning.
    I am happy that you are happy!




    Whos Your Pick? Giants vs Eagles

    SoyKofla2
    28757 posts

    9/2/2008 4:48 pm

    		 George, from time to time I jump from one to the other.




    Whos Your Pick? Giants vs Eagles

    SoyKofla2
    28757 posts

    9/2/2008 4:50 pm
      Quoting MotownMinx:
      After 6yrs Soy.....I have hit them all
      Excellent post
    Thanks Janine, this was written by smartasswoman, it is a great post!




    Whos Your Pick? Giants vs Eagles

    SoyKofla2
    28757 posts

    9/2/2008 4:51 pm
      Quoting random471959:
      I'm going to link this one. Thank-you for sharing.
    Thank you for the link sweetie!