i needed to get it out  

80sangel 36F
161 posts
4/10/2006 12:05 am

Last Read:
4/23/2006 9:49 am

i needed to get it out

i found out yesterday my auntie has terminal cancer... im not looking for sympathy or support i just needed somehere to write it down.
she is one of the few family nenbers i get on with and all though i knew there was something seriously wrong no one in my family thought it would be this.. she has recovered from cancer twice.. the doctors from the hospital have sent her home and made her comfertable.. filled her full of morphine we are all upset.. but i darent go to see her because i dont know what to say to her... all i know is if i so this will be my last memory of her and i dont want to be it one of her dieing..
i haven't told any of my friends on here or of here yet because i dont wan to start crying i aint good with over runs of emotion...

GoddessOfTheDawn 105F
11238 posts
4/10/2006 12:43 am

wishing you the best ..... no need to apologize, this can be a great place to vent!

imLadyBambi 58M/50F

4/10/2006 1:21 am

Mr. Bambi here...

Young Angel - I am so very sorry that she is ill and terminal. In my experience as a crisis counselor, the best way to handle the situation is to be there for her as a compasionate and empathetic friend. As for what to say... consider "reflecting" her feelings and thoughts using phrases such as:

I sense you are in pain
It sounds like you have found inner peace in spite of your illness.
What I am hearing is that you are apprensive about dying.

The point is, as a sensitive and caring person, you will feel (pick-up) on her emotions. What she needs is the validation that someone is listening and that someone cares. Generally speaking, the worst things you can do are to minimize the situation (i.e. so you have a bit of discomfort) or lie to her (i.e. things might get better).

I hope this crash course in Rogerian psychology helps.

weaponA 58M
58 posts
4/10/2006 10:20 am

Sorry to read this but morphine deadens the pain and I have seen close members of my family go through this especially my father and life altho carries on has a hollow ring to it

rm_orca508 49M

4/10/2006 12:19 pm

Hi 80'sangel,
I hope you don't mind me writing, as I don't really know you. It is a very painful situation to be in, and only you can know what to do for the best. Visiting someone who is terminally ill can be very traumatic, but all i can do is share my experiences with my grandfather. When he was ill and finally past away, I was in the room with my Dad, and whilst it was an upsetting event, it was also good to be able to say goodbye.

You can still remember the good things, the happy memories. Sometimes by not seeing them, it can feel like a chapter that was never completely closed.

And what do you say? To be honest, I don't think it really matters... sometimes just being with them is enough. Holding their hand. Touching them on there arm... talking about Eastenders or what you did at work that day... to let them know that you are there and they are not alone. It was more important for my Dad, because he always regretted not being able to say goodbye to his mother when she passed.

I think you need to grab your closest friend, get a big box of tissues, and talk to them... you can't keep that emotion inside for long without it making you ill. Share your feelings, and maybe you will gain a different perspective on things.

rm_curiousity49 66M
163 posts
4/10/2006 3:00 pm


rm_ideserveit2 47M
77 posts
4/10/2006 3:39 pm

wish i could give you a hug the time will get harder and if you need anyone to talk to please get in touch hugs and kisses xx ideserveit2

DrumsZunisPiker 55M

4/11/2006 8:27 am

Hi Angel
I can't understand why you are apologising, there is nothing to apologise for, I have been what you are going through at the moment with my late father.
I know you are not looking for sympathy and I know for fact that no matter what anyone says it doesn’t take the pain away.
All my prayers goes to you & all your family at this time, If you need to chat & let off some steam please please do not hesitate to let me know.

inspectordribble 52M

4/11/2006 12:25 pm

As the others have already said no need to apologise, i lost my partner three years ago to breast cancer, so i can relate to your feelings, but its the way of the world, yes i know that sounds hard but as you get older you become more and more aware of people you knowdying or having cancer. As i've said to you before "chin up kid you have to be strong for those you love and for yourself, cancer is hard enough for the sufferer without them seeing the emotional burden they become for their family, treat them as though its a normal day, keep them cheery and just be there for them. The morphine makes it hard for them to communicate, but just be your aunts "niece", on hand to help out, sit with her and chat! You'll feel better and it will help keep her spirits up. My thoughts are with you, as hard as this seems, you'll come through it and everything will go back to normal. Trust me on that one!

80sangel 36F

4/12/2006 3:58 am

i think that i should explain a few things
i have supported my mum twice with cancer which took it out of me
i have had two aunties die of cancer one of overian cancer and the other of bone cancer i am sick of loosing people i care about my heart breaks everytime i have to go through it.
loosing friends and lovers hurts like hell and never seems to leave you......
the unfairness of death never sems to leave me it tested my religion twice and left me with a feeling of emptiness
if god really exsisted then why would he put the people i care about through so much why can nothing ever seem to be alright for them...

i went through a long time thinking that it was me that was the commen factor of causing so much pain

i know this probably dose not make sence but like i said before i just need somewwhere to express myself so i can keep smiling

thank you for your nice words

trialist5 63M

4/12/2006 10:09 am

angel,your sharing these thoughts with us,so you have conveyed the situation and emotions well.
we cannt give quick fixes you know its not like that.But if releassing those emotions further helps,you now where we are.

happyasme69 44M  
2 posts
4/13/2006 5:06 am

Go see her, you don't have to say anything, just hold her hand & sit with her. It will be hard but i bet you'll be glad you've done it.

Stu xx

rm_turtleBurp 44F
1273 posts
4/15/2006 5:23 am

Sorry babe, you can only deal with things as you see fit but bottling up emotions is never good for you. Hope your blog has helped you to release some of it... they're good for that eh.

LustyTaurus 48M  
21253 posts
4/22/2006 3:07 pm

sorry to hear...be strong and my prayers are with you, no matter what happens

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