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 | Blogs > LustyTaurus > A CrAZy CaNUcK... > The Healing Circle... |
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LustyTaurus
9/1/2007 1:02 pmLast Read: |
Those who know me from blogland past, know I am a victim and a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I told my story of the abuse and the road to recovery in two posts, WALKING IN TH SHADOWS....... OUT OF THE SHADOWS.... The most damaging result of being abused is the secret we keep and the deep feelings of shame and fear that we harbor...the feeling that... "If people knew the truth, they wouldn't love me." This post (I hope) will become a meeting ground for healing...a circle if you will...where we can tell our stories and seek healing in a safe environment, with others who understand and can help. Please feel free to share a link or a story or an encouraging word, that we can send our demons away for good. If you've been abused and sharing here is still too scary, my inbox is always open...I'll help you any way I can on the road to healing. LUSTYTAURUS The Healing Circle... |
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 9/1/2007 4:04 pm |
Lusty, I am proud of you. You continue to work through the abuse and become the man you were meant to be. I was sexually abused as a child by a step father. I was in therapy for years working through it and eventually lead me to become a Psychologist. It wasn't easy and I still have some residual effects.....I work on it everyday. Big hugs! There is a difference between a good BJ and a bad BJ.
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 9/1/2007 4:07 pm |
No sexual abuse in my childhood,,,,,,, mental and physical abuse though. It's tough any way.......... 
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9/1/2007 6:08 pm |
I have admired your strength since the first time I read about your abuse. My abuse was no where near as bad as yours and yet, I haven't reached a comfort level in talking about it. I did tell my ex-husband about some of it, but then he ended up using it against me. He pretty much said I must have been a whore then too, so I probably deserved it. After that, I haven't spoken about it with anybody. I guess, in time, I will.
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9/1/2007 6:41 pm |
I have a daughter who was raped, stabbed and abducted a few years ago. Part of her "healing" was to speak to others about it. When she tried to talk to others it wasn't too therapeutic especially when someone had said," if it had been me, I would have done this that and the other...". Another person just changed the subject. Abuse in any shape or form is painful, and others are not always open to hearing about it. None of us truly knows what we would do, if the "tables were turned". My empathy to all of you who have known the true meaning of despair.
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9/1/2007 7:04 pm |
I know deep down from our talk that your dealing with this the best way you know how,by talking about it and sharing it with others(we heal each other).I believe I told you about my story and how it can affect the family also,we must share it and talk about it and never bury it deep inside otherwise it will eat us up!!!I was once told "We are as sick as our secrets" which is far to true.Take care bud,later Lusty
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9/1/2007 7:06 pm |
My, the pain is coming through big time in the comments... You handle your past well...
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9/1/2007 7:45 pm |
Thank you for visiting my blog while I was gone, hope you are doing well, see ya soon!! ~~~Have Condoms, Will Travel~~~  .......Stay Happy, Stay Safe, Stay Well........
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9/1/2007 8:50 pm |
Four years old and on my birthday, that's when it started.... A good post, any help ya need let me know my friend.... ~jeff  ~spunky
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9/1/2007 10:44 pm |
Good stuff LT, I read those posts and it made me think. I know I'm not alone. roaming the cyber streets of blogland  
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9/2/2007 5:08 am |
It is an honor to know such courage and strength.....Lusty and all those who step from the shadows. I was not abused but I was raped and the help I got saved my life as I was only 13. I have friends, one in particular who has gone through this and still is dealing with the abuse of her childhood and I raise my glass to each and every one of you. It brings a tear to my eye that so much pain is buried in so many.......many more than I think we realize. Stand tall and proud.....all of you.....if ever I can be someones' ear as I am for my friend then I will. Luv Tink
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9/2/2007 7:47 am |
I've just read your posts and it brought tears to my eyes. Your a brave man and I applaud you for facing your demons. From some of the comments posted you dont stand alone, my heart goes out to you all. I cant imagine the pain it has caused you, as Tink says stand tall and proud. A stranger is a friend you havent met yet!
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9/2/2007 9:01 am |
I'm thankful (is that the right word?) that I have not had to suffer at the hands of anyone in this way .... everyone who survives should stand proud and say I survived ..... LT Ive read your posts many times, there never any easier to read, but I can say hand on heart that I would listen to anyone, that wanted to share the pain .... to each and every one of you that has had the courage, wisdom, strength to post on this blog, maybe you are one step closer to healing, maybe you have helped someone realise that they need help .... and that in itself is a brave, proud and wonderous thing that you have done. Jems xx Jems xx The Manchester Room 
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9/2/2007 9:23 am |
**hugs to you this is really a wonderful thing your doing ad I hope it reaches those who need help in opening up all the dark hidden secrets locked in them and find some healing as you have done~ I applaud you
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9/2/2007 1:43 pm |
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9/2/2007 3:59 pm |
Hey Lusty Thanks for putting up a blog post to deal with this tragedy..the taking away of our childhood by evil monsters..It's a hard thing for me to deal with but talking about it helps
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9/2/2007 6:24 pm |
Hi, I'm hippie, and I am an emotionally and sexually abused child. I look like a woman and function like a woman most of the time, but I haven't been able to embrace the child yet and cure her. It was your post that gave me the courage to begin writing my stuff here. Thank you for that. I have started putting my stuff in chronological order. Here is a small sampling: She's Come Undone Elevate me... 
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9/2/2007 6:49 pm |
LT...you are an amazing man...your courage comes through...I am one of the lucky ones who was spared this stealing of my innocent...and I am saddened anyone has to go through it...and it is just evil to do that to a child...Hugs to you... kind thoughts, Moonfire
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9/2/2007 10:16 pm |
I bet there are many people here with experience. I support you being part of the healing. Love you Bud Jake Talk to me in private Private Moments
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9/2/2007 11:28 pm |
i see all the survivors.. and that brings me hope for my daughter ...sigh....     
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9/3/2007 12:25 am |
sometimes feelings defy logic, so all i can do is repeat what you know logically: if people knew, and we DO know, that they would love you all the more and admire your incredible strength in the way that you have helped and supported others and stood up in the face of abuse! and again, thank you for you support, as i've had reason to rely on it!  REVOLTING
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9/3/2007 2:58 am |
I didn't realize I had been abused. Not until I was 40 something. I had these feelings of terror that I couldn't understand. I didn't know where they came from. I began using drugs to escape them. It wasn't until I went to treatment that I came to realize what had happened to me. The memories came flooding back, it was terrible. For a long time after that I focused on what had happened to me in sort of a "how could they do this to me?" kinda way. Each time I thought of it, I became more distraught. I was encouraged to "work through it" by professionals. I finally had to stop focusing on it, it was time for me to move on. I feel better now that I have. This doesn't mean that I forgive my attackers, just that I am ready to stop dwelling on it.
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9/3/2007 3:45 am |
Just one of us to have this happen to ..is one too many...thank you for sharing your story..and to those that have felt this..your not alone...it is hard to deal with and to put behind us...Just when we think it is locked safely away it rears up again..as fresh as that day or time. Thank you Lusty *hugs*
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9/3/2007 7:05 am |
you've read mine..and it was good to get it out...xxx
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9/3/2007 8:54 am |
. It's ghastly to think that, as the allegedly most evolved specie on the planet, there are people who can somehow justify the sexual abuse of children to themselves. Anybody up for a good, old-fashioned Tar 'n' Feathering? I'll bring the pillows... . . Please stop by and give The_Rotten_One a pet. While this Not-So-Friendly site's management has deleted her Profile, her Blog is still there. Go fig, I guess they don't believe that Belushi was a dawg!  Many thanx to those of you who popped by my entries on Pages 19 & 43 of Naughty Carol Contest, and took a moment to vote. Happy New years to One and Y'all! .
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9/3/2007 6:00 pm |
Sexual abuse is bad enough but for a child it can be detrimental. I was almost raped when I was six. Details to long. I thank GOD that an elderly neighbor lady came out to see what the noise was. He had me pinned down to the ground and was taking my pants off. When she came out, he ran away. We were able to track him to where he lived and my mother tore his ass. It has something I had to deal with for many years. How Would You Kiss These Lips? Santa's Got A Brand New Bag!
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9/3/2007 7:51 pm |
G'day mate. I had not read the two earlier posts but I have now. Im amazed at your strength of character. My blog is a free-fire zone. Come armed with a sense of humor 
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9/3/2007 8:03 pm |
"If people knew the truth, they wouldn't love me." oh But LT... You are loved... even before you opened up your heart... and now... even more so. Consider all my hugs to you to be full of that love... You are truly a beacon of love, yourself. tender hugs...m.
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9/4/2007 5:52 am |
Yeah I'm a member of this Club..No shame any more just anger in that its still happening to others... What the hell is wrong with people that they feel they need to have sex with a child..?? Ready  
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9/4/2007 10:15 am |
Both my siblings were abused sexually and I was the only one who wasnt. WHat AM I UGLY? Seriously though, I always felt a sense of guilt for NOT being abused. I guess its kinda hard to understand from your perspective. I definitely have been seriously affected by sexual abuse though. Chasing the Rock and Roll dream for Life. Death is my back up plan!
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9/4/2007 8:27 pm |
"If people knew the truth, they wouldn't love me." I'm back for another look, LT, to see if I can learn any tips from others. Due to multiple instances of abuse from age 5-19, for me it's more like "I wear my shame on the outside for all to see." I am trying to shake it, I really am. I have faced what I remember of it, understood that it wasn't my fault, and reconciled it, but it still plagues me. I thought if I faced it, it would go away. There are things I don't remember, but I know they're there, so I am considering hypnosis. I just don't know if it would be best to know it all, if knowing what I do already hasn't helped. Ramble on... hippie Elevate me...
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9/6/2007 10:03 am |
I admire you greatly for having the courage to tell your story and reach out in order to help others that have also been abused. I wasn't sexually abused as a child- as a matter of fact I had a decent childhood that was reminiscent of "Leave It To Beaver". My nightmare started at the age of 22- being stalked and abused for 10 years, having to move every six months for those ten years in a feeble attempt to escape the abuse. My abuse was severe and it's a miracle that I'm even alive- but I am and if not for getting involved as a volunteer to help other abused women, I doubt I would have recovered from it as well I have. For every year of abuse, it takes a year to recover, so after 10 years of being stalked and abused, it took me another 10 years to recover. I can't even say that I have FULLY recovered as the abuse literally robbed me of the person that I had high hopes to be and it also crippled me in the sense that the choices that I made for myself back then were not the sound kind of choices a person makes. I was under constant duress and on the run so the choices I made were many times the wrong ones. So, as a "Survivor" myself- I salute you! *HUGS*
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9/6/2007 1:15 pm |
Wow!!!Your post has just brought a tear to my eye as i to was a victim and was abused from the age of 3 by my older brother.It has taken me the best part of 11 years to finally face up to what happened to me and finally believe that it wasn't my fault. I truly am touched and if you dont mind will be linking to this post if i may.  'My path, my choices'-Hxx
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9/6/2007 4:52 pm |
what a truly honest account, you are so brave, I wish you well, sir.
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9/6/2007 7:52 pm |
Hey,Lusty, thanks for the comment on my blog. Yeah, I got a new scooter about 2 weeks ago. I'm chaining this one to the flagpole. Haven't heard a word about the old one or who took it. P.S. When I was a small boy a friend of my mother wanted me to please him orally. I ran away and told my mother. Shortdogg
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9/7/2007 12:10 am |
Oh my.....Like a couple of people who commented I have neva suffered abuse in any sort of way.......thank fuck. BUT I have seen the other side of it when I was in Police Force & beleive me I was sickened by it. I applaud u 100% 4 doing this as like u said......u dont see many men bearing their soul on here about things like this BUT it does go on  BIG HUGE & NO WAY do u go down in my estimation ONLY UP UP UP   
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9/10/2007 8:01 am |
I have lived with a dark secret. Still do. Someohow I feel I am protecting my family, my Mother especially. Just can't stand to think of my family becoming broken because I needed to get the secret out. My former husband had an experience similiar to you, by a his priest. Happened all through his early catholic school years. He was able to open up to me, but he never had the courage to go for help. He became dependant on drugs and I just couldn't help him. Even to this day I can't. Thank you so much for sharing. I admire your courage to help yourself and others.
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9/10/2007 9:08 am |
Sending you love...always  Just a little food for thought............. If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you... {=}
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9/10/2007 6:55 pm |
Yeppers.... good post....
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9/12/2007 3:49 pm |
nice post ! thank you for sharing !
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9/14/2007 4:47 am |
excellent post my friend. The AFF Blogland Anniversary Calendar: Please Help Me Fill This Out Folks!! Come Celebrate My Anniversary With Me Blogland!!!!!! You Are My Guest At The Hotel Of This Sex God: Please Sign In!!!! If You Are Against Trolls Here on AdultfriendFinder Then Become A Member of.................
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9/15/2007 2:23 am |
I went back and read... I (belatedly) want to thank you for your courage... I was sexually abused by my godfather from age 13 to age 17... my sense of guilt came from letting it -on and off- continue until the age of 17, in the meantime letting him offer me the little money that allowed me to afford some teenage luxuries... I grew up strong and independent, instantly rejecting all men older than me or making more money than me... if I went out with someone on a date and they offered to pay, I knew I did not want to see them again... (it wasn't fair but I couldn't explain why to them either) I had my sexual abuse buried as deep as I could... but it all came back to haunt me when I became a mother, a short 5 years ago... I became emotionally more alert and the simple idea of anyone having their way with my kids was unbearable... not to mention of the known fact that people who have been sexually abused are more likely to become abusers themselves... I couldn't cope with that, I'd rather throw myself off the balcony... I am still in therapy... and even though I'm still a long way from being at peace with my past, I am confident in my maternal qualities and my raising my twins healthy and happy... Thank you, LT....
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9/15/2007 7:27 am |
I too am proud of you...not only are you healing yourself by sharing, but enabling others to do the same.....hugs
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9/15/2007 10:02 am |
I am more than saddened by what I am sitting here reading. There was no abuse in my childhood. My parents and older sister were killed when I was very young. But I often wonder what it would be like to have a normal family. My only living fam is a sister and she raised me. I wish that she could have raised all of you, she is wonderful and caring. I know abuse is out there, I know what it can do to a person. I have seen it in friends and they tell me I am lucky. I guess I am. But you all have one another. You can vent and yell and scream. Because each of you know what they are going through. All I can do is let you vent on me.I have big shoulders. Hugs and kisses to all of you. You big bunch of survivors Thank a higher power for LT, dude you will always rock to me. I'm not mean, you're just a sissy! {it's a sig line ya goof}
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9/17/2007 12:20 pm |
Know the history mate, read long ago, just popped in to say hi and keep the strength.
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9/17/2007 11:37 pm |
I was groomed as a child...... I finally left at 21 and while some days are very hard I know how strong I am and I know I won. I stayed alive. My Erotica
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9/18/2007 1:04 am |
Right on~
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9/18/2007 9:25 am |
I try to empathise. I may not know the exact feeling. But I admire the courages of those who walk out of it. ٭ ˚ °◦○☻ Serenely Yours ☺○◦° ˚ ٭ 
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9/20/2007 9:50 pm |
  Follow me!
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9/24/2007 9:45 pm |
Righteous.....
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10/4/2007 7:30 pm |
It's always difficult for me to discuss this with my daughter, who was molested by a neighbour when she was 4. Last year, before she went to live with her dad, I knew it was important for me to talk with her about it and see how she was feeling. I did most of the talking, of course (she was 10), and I just kept asking her how she felt, reiterating about how I've checked every year to make sure he's still in jail, about how she did exactly the right thing by telling me and that she saved a lot of other little girls from the same thing...which I've told her before, but this time really made an impact. Then I mentioned something that hadn't occured to me, but had been brought up by my older sister who had been molested when she was a girl...I told her that no one could tell it had happened just by looking at her. the look of relief that washed over her face was a huge sign to let me know she had been very worried about it. I was so grateful to my sister for telling me that was something she had worried about. I kept telling my daughter that it was something bad that had happened to her, but that it didnt' make her any different than any other little girls and that she was perfectly normal. We did a lot of hugging and I was very very glad we had that discussion..... ps...thanks, LT, for always being open & honest with your pain and being a source of healing for many....the ripples spread out....
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10/9/2007 3:49 pm |
Dear LT, You are truly a hero to me, I think you know you will always have a special place in my heart b/c of the friendship we have formed here. Our bond was probably cemented by the shared survival of our own sexual abuse and all the other many things we have in common. I don'[t have time to get on here much anymore, now that I'm truly a F/T working single mom, but I always try to check on you. Thank you for sharing, caring and making such a huge difference. I will come back later and link your post to one on my blog and make another comment with a link to my own story. I've told it in many ways over the last 20+ years. The short version is that my mom pimped me and my younger sister out to a step-father from the age of 9 (my sister 6)to support her drug habit, then I was "saved" by my suspected biological father who felt the need to sexually abuse me as well within 4 years of getting full custody of me. I wasn't able to break free totally until I was 25 years old. I deal with the after effects to this day and plan to stay in therapy for the rest of my life. Like you and several others I was terrified of being a parent for fear of becoming an abuser myself. I worked through that pretty quickly in therapy but like many others I want to reach out and help anyone I can. I want to share my story, and listen to those who need to share their's. You are truly a blessing and have touched more lives than you will probably ever know. There is no true fix, to forget, to totally heal, we are all just doing the best we can. Thank you for sharing! All my love, LeeAnn
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10/11/2007 4:56 pm |
Darn my comment disappeared... a sign I guess it is not time to share. It was denied for the second time... I am going to try and figure out what is in this comment that they do not want others to know... the first one is lost forever but this is the edited second comment... wrote this in September sometime... Now the day before my birthday... I am faced with the PTSD and am blogging to forget or at least distract. I have much trauma around the holidays and birthdays of my youth... this is when people would gather and the abuse would be more prevailent. Was in therapy yesterday and she encouraged me to have a nice steak dinner. I may I may not... I tend to want to be alone on those days... a way my mind shuts down so I am not seen crying out of the blue when the memories rise... and they still do... even now as I type. I still haven't been able to tell my kids why I get so damned depressed around holidays.... and they are only beginning. All I know is that each year at this time I pray to survive the nightmares and the trauma. It never goes away and I will never find love... no one wants a broken crystal no matter how brilliant they shine. Here's what they blocked before... I will check back and see if it stuck... after my birthday... it hurts a lot to be here right now. Let me just say, you are a pretty damn good guy taking the time to share this with us. I have learned to spot grooming behaviours and understand men in general through educating myself. "Victims No Longer: Men Recovering From Ince$t And Other $exual Chi1d Abuse" by Mike Lew, Harper and Row, l988 helped me develop compassion for men. Bless you. L'Oracle de L'Amour Finding Neverland   The Psycho Bloggers
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10/12/2007 7:50 pm |
A few years back my older sister told me that our brother had played with me when we were little..I dont remember but he never talks to me so I figure he feels guilty about it to this day.
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12/14/2007 5:21 pm |
I just picked up a book... "Healing the Shame That Binds You" by John Bradshaw. I opened it to a random page and started reading. It was overwhelming, and I had to put it down. As soon as I get up the courage, I'm a-gonna read that book... Elevate me...
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12/15/2007 6:53 pm |
lets see Where do I start...here is something I havent shared with anyone..I found out a few years back that my older brother touched me sexually when I was 6 years old..he was trying to make ready for sex I have repressed those memories( I remember tidbits) I dread remembering...he doesnt speak to me at all and I often wonder if its because he feels guilty about it.. at least thats what I tell myself...
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