Chapter 1  

69sirlixalot2 39M
0 posts
7/25/2006 1:01 am
Chapter 1

Hi my name is James and Im here on line not by own power or the way I lived my life but through love, support, the will to do so, but the power of God. You see when I was 10 I decided to shop lift from a Target and got busted. It all goes downhill from there. As I hit 16 years old I was doing drugs,taking moms car out for joy rides, stealing from family and freinds,and lying to cover my tracks. I started going to jail at this age so life was getting hard. I didnt change much from 16 to 18 except for the fact I got worse, but not only did I get worse, at the age of 19 i was married to my first wife but i was expecting to be a dad. i thought that if i could be a family dad i would be able to change my ways. I never knew that being a husband and a father was going to be that tough. It was fun but hours of sleep got shorter,patince levels got smaller,stack of bills higher,and unfortunatly money stayed the same. It was easy for me to make yhe next decision because of my past so i started selling drugs to help out with money. instead i got into using more than i sold and eventually got arrested for possession of a dangerous drug anddrug paraphonillia. i had also been ticketed, arrested on smaller charges and been seperated who knows how many times. i cheated, sold drugs behind her back, and just abused her and my kid emotionally. later we found out some great news she was pregnant with twin girls. that soon turned into tragedy when she went into premature labor and gave birth to our two tiny,see through baby girls,elizabeth anne and lisa marie who weighed 15.8 oz and 1 lb 08 oz those two precious babies died 2 hours after they were born.we couldnt do anything but hold them until they took their last breath.a little while later she was pregnant withj our fourth kid, a boy, he was on life support from the day he was born and on the third day we had no choice but to pull the plug and watch another baby die before our eyes. after that there was nothing left of me but a hollowed out shell with the i dont care attitude. i was cutting myself. overdosing on anti depressants and seizure medications, and going in and out of jail. finally i found jesus and still to this day im still not a big religious guy but when i was at the end of my rope and ready to jump he held out his hand to me so i grabbed his. you know i still mess up but after all that i have been through i have alot to show for it now. remember this saying ( dont look behind you keep focusing on the things headed your way) life is hard but all that is strong at heart will prevail

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