Your opinion is wanted! please read.  

5dock 38M
114 posts
3/16/2006 4:04 am

Last Read:
3/18/2006 9:22 am

Your opinion is wanted! please read.

This blog is different from my normal style I’d like to pose a few questions. Your opinions no matter what they would be appreciated:

When:
• Is loving someone enough?
• Do people drift apart?
• What happened the last time you felt totally detached from your partner?

The reasons behind this is I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a long (not a decade yet but getting there) time, but feel detached yet still in love, I feel we’ve drifted a long way apart. And she wants to get married.

thanks


julie4daddy34 45F
599 posts
3/16/2006 4:39 am

1. I dont think you can ever love someone enough.

2. Yes, people do drift apart. If you've been with someone from a young age (in my case I've been with the same person since 19 and I'm now 34) you tend to change as you get older. Your priorities change, your career changes, your whole outlook on life changes, and sometimes the views tend to go in different directions. Far as I'm concerned, marriage changes ALOT of things, you tend to grow too comfortable with the person, you tend to take advantage (even if you dont mean to), sex dies, you no longer hold hands in public or show affection, etc. You wanted honest..there you go. Best of luck to you.


pinkpet06 46F
17 posts
3/16/2006 4:50 am

Loving someone is wonderful - if they love you back - giving 60, 70, 90, 110% - is not enough if they are not participating in the relationship. (50/50 all the way - unless you are in crisis mode and need to support one or the other in times of need - but this should be temporary)

Yes - people do drift apart and sometimes they come back together and other times they keep moving further away. (I was in a relationship for 21+ yrs)When I thought the tides were rolling in together - I was alone while my partner was sailing at sea - unbenounced to me...

The final detachment came - when I woke up and realized that even though I was with my husband/partner - I was alone - he was just matter - there was no relationship and what was left was nothing but a bag of bones that needed buried. I realized it was time to move on and find greener pastures and someone who truly loved me for me and not who they wanted me to be.

If you are feeling like this now - do not marry - it will only get worse - trust me - I have been there and it is so painful and heartbreaking - life is too short to pretend or force a situation - what happens - happens - nothing but the universe is in control and to try to change the forces or work against them will do nothing in the end - but cause agony and pain.


Koffla 60M
55042 posts
3/16/2006 4:56 am

Loving someone is not enough, people do drift apart, last time I felt detached I've moved on. Is not healthy to stay in that type of a relationship. If I am going to be miserable I rather be miserable by myself. Just my opinion.


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blogginOnly 58F

3/16/2006 5:31 am

Men and Women think and feel so differently. Does she think you have drifted apart or is it just you who thinks that? If you have the slightest doubt, then my advice is to not get married. Maybe if you talk to her about how you feel, it will either bring you closer or make her upset and she will feel like you are slipping away. But you wont know unless you talk to her about it. Its best to figure it out now and not after you are married. Thats my advice anyway, good luck hon.


sassybelle21 32F
13313 posts
3/16/2006 8:42 am

Love alone is not enough in any relationship. And the amount of love that you give to somebody should never be enough because if you really love that person, the love can't be quantified and should be constantly growing and not just remain static. Besides, love alone isn't everything. You need to take a lot of other factors into consideration as well especially communication and whether or not you guys are on the same wavelength when viewing the relationship and things that connect the both of you together.

Yes people do drift apart. This is something unquestionable nor undeniable. It happens. We change and our hearts change too. Sometimes people drift apart because they have been together for too long and they don't try to find new things to keep the relationship alive, make the relationship exciting and keep the love burning. We are some weird beings. Most of us take things for granted once we've reached a safe point. Unfortunately, you won't be safe if you just sit there and do nothing.

The last time? I broke it up since I didn't feel anything anymore and the distance wasn't helping. It was based on mutual understanding as well since we talked things out and agreed on it. I just didn't want to keep that relationship when I know it's not going anywhere no matter how hard I try. Sometimes it's better to let go than to hold on. I didn't want the pain to grow more and more each day. To cut it short was and probably still is the best choice. The faster I let go, the faster I can heal the pain and be happy again.

Quoting you "I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a long (not a decade yet but getting there) time, but feel detached yet still in love, I feel we’ve drifted a long way apart". You know what? You could still be in love but the type of love that's involved might have changed as much as you'd like to convince yourself that it's still the same old love. A good friend kind of love might have replaced the boyfriend-girlfriend love while you didn't notice it. Seeing how you've been with her for a long time, maybe you think you're still in love while you are not because you are afraid that you might hurt her. Plus you can't just quit loving somebody whom you have loved so long in a heart beat.

If you really want to give this relationship one more try, I'd say give it at least a month or say three months but not too long. Sometimes it can be revived, others it can't. You need to be on the same page again to really make it work. It requires both parties contribution and commitment. One way street only works best if you are single not when you are in a relationship.

Marriage is not for everybody and don't get married for the wrong reasons. It will end later.

p/s: Sorry for any typos or grammatical mistakes since my spellcheck is not working now plus I am typing this while I am sleepy.


5dock 38M

3/16/2006 3:33 pm

Thanks for the input, my questions were a bit vague as i didn't want to steer comments in any particular direction.

really appreciate it


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