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early am blog  

oneladybrijit

2/20/2012 10:06 am
 Isn't it awful when you discover that the only reason someone is watching your blog is to see if you put them down or somehow defame them? .... and until you actually felt driven to say something about them, it never even occurred to you that this might be the reason they watch it?

I am up at an "ungodly" hour of 4:40am here, because once again, something woke me. This time I think it's because the thunderstorm finally stopped. It was going for many hours before I went to sleep and I think well after as well. I do suspect that when it stopped, things suddenly went so quiet here, that my dog decided to let me know she's ok and woke me. How can I be upset at her for that?

While I was asleep, it seems I was composing a few lines, so I thought I'd write them here. Sometimes I will write something, and not share what it is about. I did write it here, because I think it's nice.

I feel sleepy, yet not able to go back to sleep. This is annoying. There are things I would like to do, and it's the wrong time to do them. There are things I should do, and I really don't feel like doing them, nor will I at present.

Two men I know, recently lost their mother. One rings me quite often, and I do chat with him about pretty much anything but his mother, even though he knows that I will happily be there for him to talk if he wants, and he does, sometimes. In the last few days, he has brought me two bags of peaches that the thunderstorms knocked from his tree. He said that there were many more, and he has others that he is sharing them with. It's not hard to stew a few peaches and bottle them for use at another time, so I will.

The other man who also lost his mother is in my thoughts quite regularly, as he has been really nice to me. I worry about him, because lately he seems so absent, and also so busy. I do hope he is ok. I suspect that his family is there for him, and he may not need me to be there for him, which may be why he is so absent. He is someone I really wanted to meet, only I did put him off for now, as he has only recently been separated. I didn't mean to put him off to the extent that we don't meet, yet it seems I did. I can't be upset at him. It's my doing. As I said, I do worry about him a bit, and would like to know that he is fine, only it just doesn't seem appropriate for me to make too much contact, as I have made contact several times when I was distressed recently.

Don't you hate that? when you feel that you have used up your "contact credits?" I am like that, as I hate being rejected, having been rejected once too often in the past, and the stupid thing is, that the times I was rejected, it was probably by selfish, self-centred people who really weren't worth my time of day.

That's better. For a moment there, it looked like I cared about others besides me! Can't have that! Back to being all about me and what I feel.

Ok, I do hope all is good with you, and that any narcissism you may feel is not contagious, and not destructive!

travelguyoh
2106 posts

2/20/2012 1:59 pm

 interesting post and comments
some times the things that comes from between my ears makes me pause for reflection

oneladybrijit
371 posts

2/20/2012 5:26 pm

 Thank you once again. Not serious about the narcissism. I do think it's important to watch myself, knowing that someone else in my family seems to be quite that way, and if we don't watch ourselves, we can end up walking exactly the same path.

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