BOBs and the Double Standard  

49AK 55M
1073 posts
6/26/2006 1:05 am

Last Read:
12/5/2008 10:08 pm

BOBs and the Double Standard

Some women that I am acquainted with have become quite fond of the term 'BOB'. For the uninitiated, BOB stands for 'Battery Operated Boyfriend'.

I really detest the term. I can't speak for all men, but it seems to me that men don't have an equivalent term (at least, not one that they share freely in public). In fact, it is rare that you hear men discuss the idea of a mechanical device being a suitable substitute for a woman. Sure, we have our blow-up dolls and other toys, but they're just to get by, until the neighborhood isn't so lonely anymore. And to be honest, I don't personally know of any men that have actually had one... though I suspect that it isn't something that they'd want to talk about.

If that were the end of it, I wouldn't mind. But it isn't -- Many times when I hear the term BOB used, there is a certain implied antagonism directed towards men. Implicit in the discussion of BOB is that BOB may not buy (women) gifts on their anniversary, but they also don't leave their socks lying in the middle of the bedroom floor... or watch sports on television, or show up 20 minutes late for dinner, or... you can fill in the blank.

Some women will say that BOB in imperfect, to be sure, but as compromises go, they're not bad... and when they fail to perform, a few clicks on the internet, or a visit to Castle, and you're back in business.

The problem is, if men had the same discussion and implied antagonism towards women, they would be labeled pigs, and they regularly are in almost any forum where male-centric boorish behavoir abounds. But when women do the same thing, we let the women off. The term has become so ubiquitous that quite a few people that might not harbor that animosity towards men are adopting the term, too... not considering what the possible interpretations might be.

I am tired of being compared to two dollars worth of rubber and batteries. My question is, if you disdain men so much, why do you bother with AdultFriendFinder?

Am I saying that I am against sex toys? Absolutely not. I am against a hateful, anti-male sentiment that is expressed by a few women that just happens to manifest itself in one of many ways...

rm_smosmof2 67M
3240 posts
6/26/2006 2:22 am

While I'm sort of sympathetic to what you're taking exception to, I think you've got your head in the sand about some things.

There are exceptions here, of course, but my observation is that a lot of women on this site are looking for women as well as men, and that's one of the primary reasons they're here, as opposed to a more normal "dating" service. Bottom line is that they don't need us as much as we need them, unless their primary interest is in starting a family, at which point, it's back to the "dating" service again.

Face it. They have the upper hand here. They can afford to filter through dozens (hundreds?) of requests for attention, and if they can't find exactly what they're looking for, they have alternatives.

Men don't communicate with men the same way women communicate with women, and I think that's one of the more interesting aspects of this site--it's one of the few places where men can get a better insight as to how women deal with each other. The picture that they paint of us is none too flattering is it?

But then how flattering are the ways we look at women, other than as sex objects? We (and I'm speaking in general here, not necessarily including myself) need them but don't want to deal with them the rest of the time. I don't think that most men recognize that women really run most of the world, while the guys are out there rattling their sabres at each other, or blowing each other apart.

That which you are seeing and don't like may be a glimpse of the future...

49AK replies on 6/26/2006 10:28 am:
the only part of what you're saying that I disagree with is the head in the sand part. I have an MA in communication, including nine graduate credits in gender communication. I understand that there are a number of ways to look at power, and that from a male perspective, women have a lot more power than they think they have... in fact, I've written some blogs about that topic.

What bothers me is that women can use language and contexts that are antagonistic towards men, but when men do the same thing, they're called pigs. I personally don't condone men doing that in any context. I am just pointing out that a lot of women do it, too, and we are inclined to give them a free pass.

rm_smosmof2 67M
3240 posts
6/26/2006 10:47 am

We give them a free pass, alright, but that's because they are in the advantageous position here. We're trying to curry favor, and we're gonna take whatever shit they dish out and shut up and like it. Or risk being ignored or worse (whatever that might be).

The are things that men can say that are antagonistic towards women that will get them called pigs, but those are mostly outright sexist comments using words which are the sexist equivilant of "nigger". I think that it is possible to "bitch" about certain female tendencies without incurring wrath, it will just get a response of "yeah, so?".

tyger342436 48F
6 posts
6/26/2006 6:43 pm


I agree with you least you've got a clue. Ha Ha


AkCookielicious 58F
81 posts
6/26/2006 6:54 pm

well lets be real here..I'm not particularly fond of my toys..There is no substitute for a man. But more often then not it beats the alternative..It's not so much that we have the upper hand (no pun intended) but perhap women are a bit more particular whom we share ourselves with and besides...we'd let ya name your lotion if you about...umm...jerkins?

100prcntnocnt 49F

6/26/2006 7:07 pm

There is no room anywhere for anyone who hates men because of past experiences or for anyone who hates women because of past experiences. I've yet to hear anyone say they prefer a toy to a man. I've seen people, men as well as women, joking about bobs and the like; however, I've not had the amusing pleasure of hearing conversations where toys are the preferred partner. That must make for one heck of an amusing conversation. I, personally, could care less if guys came in to chat and spoke of their blowup dolls or whatever. In fact, that would probably just lead to more joking and laughing. People need to lighten up and quit taking things so seriously. Life is to be laugh and have fun!

misbhavin1970 46F  
28 posts
6/26/2006 8:01 pm

Quite frankly, I hear a term so often on AdultFriendFinder it makes me reeeeeeely pissy... " I want No Strings." I want to use womens bodies to rub up against, then not have to give ANYTHING back in return. BigAK calls it the "Find Em Fuck Em Forget Em" mentality.. sooo, we have come up with some of our own defenses and ways to deal with that same kind of 'Disconnect.' Toys. BOBs. So many men on AdultFriendFinder want this NO STRINGS thing, what ever happened to paying a Hooker for her time and service? Make it the business transaction that it should be.. Be a man, Pay Up but these men are cheap...sorry, thats MY 2 cents worth.

AkCookielicious 58F
81 posts
6/27/2006 5:56 pm

I gotta agree with you there missyb, I hate the term myself..guess we all have those little things that rub us the wrong way, whats wrong with skinny lil treads and both us holdin sissors at the very least?

rm_sionaofak 45F
385 posts
6/27/2006 8:39 pm

Personally, I had a boyfriend named Bob that would have been alot more fun HAD he been battery operated.... That's probably why I love the term so much. Although I love ya to death 49, you are sometimes just a little too uptight about things. The chat room is supposed to be a place where EVERYONE can freely joke, flirt & have a great time... A stress reliever & a place to get to know each other, since LF is continuously called a "Meat Market". In no way is the playful banter the gals (MY friends at least) use intended to give up on the real thing known as a live sexual partner.... There are men-haters, however none of them talk much in chat because they are usually weeded out & placed on iggy. To those that think we talk too much about BOB's, how about not lurking & joining the conversation???? If more live men actually were to do THAT, instead of coming in, trying to hook up with just the "fresh meat", then bashing us, maybe the need for BOB's would not be such a topic for discussion .

49AK replies on 6/28/2006 12:54 am:
Siona, I didn't say I was talking about the chatroom...

rm_PurryKitty2 48M/49F
9753 posts
6/28/2006 12:36 pm

Sail has a GIGI. It may not be an acronymn, but it is stilled called Gigi

Purry {=}


frbnkslady 48F
6183 posts
6/28/2006 1:44 pm

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO.. I have yet to hear, like 100, that women preferes her BOB to a man...those of us who like men anyways. I have NO problem with men talking aobut their blow up dolls, their pocket pussys...and if you are not talking about the chat room, I would like to know where else it is joked about. I do here at work, but that is with peeps I know, they know me. That is what it is , JOKING.
BOBs are a part of AdultFriendFinder, the style, the bedroom, some it is a martital aid. Me, my pet peeve is the hypocrits. T


rm_abutoo2 44M
1078 posts
6/28/2006 4:12 pm

dude... what's your problem again? Women are talking about playing with themselves, with toys? Hell, I like to hear about that! gives me something to think about when I'm playing with myself. Who really gives a shit what other people do anyway. In the end the only thing that matters is how you carry yourself. Other people are their own responsibility.

misbhavin1970 46F  
28 posts
6/28/2006 11:19 pm

Thank You Abutoo.. nice to get another man's perspective on this.. come and say Hello in the Alaska chatroom any time.
And you, too, 49AK... im always up for Jack Chat, too, yanno...
I prefer Jack to BOB, any day .... *grins*

good_time_chuck 53M

6/29/2006 9:59 am

Step back from the Kool aide dude and get real maybe it is you that is the problem not the toy?

rm_missbenti 55F

6/30/2006 12:50 am


6tigress9 45F
2 posts
6/30/2006 8:34 am

Now until I read your blog I have never heard it being referred to as BOB. I for one thank you for letting me know this, for I will be using it.

As for the comments that go with it, just remember that if the woman had a good man in reality she would not be using BOB along with her imgination. The moment a man comes along and rocks her world BOB gets less alone time. Besides every woman knows that one way to ensure they keep a good man once he is found is to not tell their female friends just how good he is. BOB and the comments are an excellent tactful and effective diversion.

Each sex has their own sly comments about the other, which some use more than others, just take a deep breath and let it roll right off your back.

rm_HDguy98 62M
403 posts
12/5/2008 9:49 pm

Seems to me this is alot to do about nothing. I mean heck ya gotta call it something why not BOB! Actually it describes it quite well. As for the negative language issues it seems in todays world everyone is worried about being politically correct or pissed at someone who isn't. Heck if you call a fleshlight anything but a fleshlight should some Lady be pissed about that??? misbhavin1970 likes the name Jack maybe we should call the fleshlight Jill......what do ya think???

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