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Battle for the Heart and Mind
Battle for the Heart and Mind
All hell broke loose last night again. I've been trying for weeks now to have my sig other commit to either spending New Years with me or with her Lesbian buds. One or the other...I'll be fucked if I'm sitting home that night while she parties if she's not going to be here and I need to make plans. She's been wishy washy about telling her friends she can't come...she's afraid they'll think she's weak or being oppressed or some such silly shit and then again she knows it's our first end of year together and won't commit either way.
So I asked her if I could attend her party with her..oh fucking hell no...
here's where it got fun...
I called her friends and asked them if the fact that I had a penis was going to stop me from being welcome in their house....the answer of course was there would be no problem...unless they were just being politically correct for my sake this means the hangup is all in my gal's head..
So the girls call my girl and tell her that I called...thus the giant economy sized bucket of emulsified fecal material is tossed into the rapidly rotating blades that force air at variable speeds...well fuck...now I'm trying to 'keep her under my thumb' and 'I don't want her to be with her friends' and 'don't worry...I'll be right where you want me from now on..I'll never go out again'...and other pointless phrases designed to cause me to shudder and quake and back pedal with the wave of guilt that should overwhelm me. Fat fucking chance...you wanna decide not to go anywhere ever?...then it's your choice..I'm not going to let you try to pin your decision to nail yourself to a cross on me.
Hour and a half this went on...point and counter point...then came the last desperate shot from her...'I'm wrong about everything!!'...no honey..if you were wrong about everything you believed then you'd be knocked up, I'd be gone, your kid would be a prostitute and your cat would be shish ka bob...
Slowly I reminded her that I've never ever lied to her...that even when the Truth was gonna hurt it was going to come out of my mouth...even when her Ex suicided and I said I hope she dies..cold..yeah..damn cold...but it was my feelings at the moment.
I've shared every hope, fear, dream, whim and worry with her since the day we met and held nothing back...nothing.
Then I told her that if I wanted her to sit home and never go anywhere would I not have told her that this is what I want?...well?...well fucking god dammit to all fucking hell....well?
Slowly the light comes on.
She knows I'm not fucking around here and this is no fucking game I'm playing with her. This is fucking serious...not a head trip...not a power play...no mind game or control issue here...just the fucking facts bitch.
She quit crying after a few minutes and we lay down together...her falling asleep within a minute of laying down.
So I did what she's always asked me to do....and haven't done because it seems like to me (yeah I know...if you have permission it's not ) I spread her thighs gently to keep from waking her....she was quite wet...whether from the fight or from the relief I don't know...but I pushed inside her in one hard thrust that had it been dry...I'd have torn skin off. She came to and responded with passion and love instead of how I feared she would..my fear was that she would reject me of course..but she was true to her own words..that should I desire her in the night...to just take her then and there and not only would she not argue..she'd appreciate it. Damn different from what I'm used to..LOL
Either way...it worked out and for once my habit of being Painfully Honest and Truthful paid off in gold instead of leaving me with no one who could face it with me.