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Seat Sniffin  

spinmedown 56M
1148 posts
10/16/2005 3:45 pm

Last Read:
5/27/2008 7:49 pm

Seat Sniffin


That strange point where friendships begin...

The newest guy in my department has been there for years.
I've been there since "Who Laid the Chunk". I guess that means a very, very, very long time. I don't know for sure. It's one of my Dad's less lucid sayings.

"Uglier Than a Fence Row of Hairy Assholes", now that one is pretty self explanatory and one of his more graphic ones to boot."Hell Bent for Leather", is somewhere in-between for me. Anyway, Dad doesn't feel the need to explain these sorts of things to his , and I'm probably a better man for not asking. I'll just have to trust that he'll let me know which of many more is appropriate for his headstone. It will probably be the only one in the world that makes someone millions with pictures of it on t-shirts. I called 'dibs' already, and No Longer Big Sis (HA HA) will get her share if her bounty hunters ever find me. "Shit and Fall Back in It" is my prediction at the moment; and "Clubfooted and Shits Too Close to the House" is still a contender, but maybe he'll mellow eventually.

My department is very small. Just a few strange guys who have worked together long enough to establish an equilibrium in the madness. The introduction of someone new always upsets the old apple cart for a while.
News that we were getting a new coworker was met with the usual,
"That's It! I fuckin' quit! I'm not Puttin-Up With This Shit!"
Yes.
We are a poetic ( pathetic ) bunch of whiners.

So the New Guy gets there, and he's nice, and he's normal, and we don't know what to think of this. They've never sent a nice, normal one our way before. But still, there he is. And he looks happy to be stuck here with us, and that's enough to make us all a little suspicious.

We take the time to welcome him and get to know him. During these 'normal' conversations he casually lets little enticing morsels of information about himself drop. The first 'tasty' one is that he has been kicked off of A-OL 17 times in the past year alone for 'breach of etiquette' and 'inappropriate' screen names.
I'm startin' to like this guy.

Then one day I said something to him that he couldn't quite hear. He said, "Shot WHO With a Limber Dick?" And I just had to laugh and ask him where he heard that one. He told me that it was one of his Dad's favorite sayings.
I'm startin' to like this guy even more.

After he'd been there for about two weeks we were all getting used to his presence and the old apple cart was back on all fours. It was close to Christmas, and one of our coworkers came back from lunch all excited about a present that she had just bought for her . It was one of those little bicycles that folds up and you can throw it into your trunk or the trash with ease.

So we all start telling her that it's a pretty cool idea, but it just doesn't look too practical. I mean the wheels were the size of dinner plates for Pete's sake. We can't imagine an adult riding such a thing. To prove us wrong she invites us outside for a demonstration. We all file out into the parking lot and watch as she unfolds and loosens and telescopes and tightens and adjusts and whatever until the most ridiculous looking thing on two wheels is ready for its maiden voyage.

We had been standing in a circle watching the transformation, and we widened it enough to allow her to ride around inside. I have to admit that it was pretty cool. She finished proving us wrong and contracted it back up again like some Swiss Army knife on wheels. Some of us gathered around and talked about other gift ideas and holiday chitchat, but I was busy looking at the minibike and wondering if I could ride it given my long legs.

I saw the New Guy walk over to it. I figured that he was thinking the same as me and wanted to give it a test for himself. He reached down and picked it up. I was walking over to see if I could help set it up and maybe have a turn myself when something unexpected happened. He lifted the minibike up until the seat was right under his nose. I didn't know exactly what to think: maybe he was examining some fine detail of construction. Then he started to smell the seat: not like a casual whiff of the old milk carton, but more along the lines of one getting to know another.

This went on for some time. He's just standing there inhaling the seat, oblivious to the world, with his eyes closed. It was the craziest thing I had ever seen around there. All I could do was stare. I think my mouth might even have been hanging open a little. Others took notice and stared dumfounded as well. More and more of us were just standing there unable to believe our eyes.

Finally, the owner and rider of the bike stopped talking and turned around to see what everyone was looking at. When she saw what the New Guy was doing: I have to say, I have never seen such a perfect and simultaneous look of disgust and amusement in my entire life. Seeing it brought me back to my senses and I started laughing. I couldn't stop. My eyes teared. My ribs seared. I couldn't breathe, and I could hear everyone else laughing. In the midst of all that, the New Guy just looked up and asked, "What?"
I almost died that day.

We knew he'd fit right in.

Most people are other people... FUCKING CHARACTER LIMIT!!! ~Oscar Wilde


caressmewell 60F

10/17/2005 1:31 am

LMAO! Too funny!


spinmedown 56M
3625 posts
10/17/2005 2:05 pm

caressmewell The funniest thing is that it is a true story. I imagine after that, most places would have shunned the guy a little; but that was almost his rite of passage. LOL
Now we're fishing buddies, but I always take a look at my seat on the boat when he drives off and wonder.....

Most people are other people... FUCKING CHARACTER LIMIT!!! ~Oscar Wilde


caressmewell 60F

10/17/2005 7:18 pm

lmao! Spin, I would wonder about the seat myself! It's so funny yet so disgusting at the same time. I'm not sure what to make of it.


silkysmoothlegs3 112F

10/20/2005 5:17 am

Very good, do you think he smelt her scent of it... if so shes a durtyyyyyyyy bitch and needs a wash hehe.. only messing..

Class blogg babes, love silky xxxxxxx


spinmedown 56M
3625 posts
10/20/2005 1:58 pm

silkysmoothlegs3 Welcome and thank you. Should I have her scrubbed and brought to his tent?
What a coincidence: my parents went to Sligo a number of years ago. Dad was on a business trip and brought Mom along for fun. They had an accident on the way from the airport to the hotel. She spent the entire week in the hospital there, and Dad spent his time in meetings and visiting her. I think he actually fled the country without going to court or paying the fine.
They still loved the town so much that they said they were going to send me there to find a wife. Too bad the family name is blacklisted already.
saintlianna Uh huh, I always use that new leather smell excuse myself. Maybe he has a vinyl fetish. He still has never explained, but we still laugh about it. Wanna deal on a slighty used minibike: only ridden once?

Most people are other people... FUCKING CHARACTER LIMIT!!! ~Oscar Wilde


MisterPriapus 64M
6974 posts
10/22/2005 9:23 am

Spin~

ROFLMFAO Beautifully told tail, errr, tale!

And what's so wrong with a little nasal appraisal?!!

(btw, thanx for dropping by My World, and introducing yourself)

.

Been a while since they last let me out into polite society. Resurfacing, catching a breath, & catching up.



And while I got my Broad-Brimmed Pimping Hat on, could I cajole all of y'all to Comment on, Alone In A Cloud? It's probably the best thing that I've written!

Lately...

.


spinmedown 56M
3625 posts
10/22/2005 4:15 pm

MisterPriapus Welcome! The pleasure was all mine.
I'm sorry it took me so long to get there. I've always enjoyed your posts.
"a little nasal appraisal" LMAO Please stop by anytime, and I think I'll just stand from now on. LOL
Well, I guess there can't be that much wrong with it. The two of them are thick as thieves now. Hmmmm, maybe I should give it a try.

Most people are other people... FUCKING CHARACTER LIMIT!!! ~Oscar Wilde


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