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Feeling worthless!
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I'm sure that I'm not alone on this website in being ignored by a partner! That's why at least 70% of the people are here trying to find someone to love or want them! I have been sharing my house with a man who would rather get pissed or play chess rather than play with me.  It's even gotten to the point of him playing on-line scrabble, rather than listening to what I may want out of life! He has even moved into the spare room so that I don't disturb him while he plays. Don't get me wrong, I have tried to get him re-interested in me. Tried to instigate sex by entering his domain. Something he has stopped trying to do, for me, over a year ago! After all, he claims to still love me/want me, & all that crap, & what do I get? Sweet FA or a mouthful of abuse!  I think I would have better luck if I was a computer, at least he would want to try & take his time with me & push all the right buttons to achieve a result! I just want to feel something, from someone, before I leave this mortal coil for good! That's not too much to ask, out of life, is it? |
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 1/28/2009 8:16 pm |
Geez, I'm sorry you're in this situation. However, if it were me, I'd insist on communication, at least to begin and physicality. If this can't be achieved, I'd be out the door no matter how much he 'says' he loves me. Be bold - make the uncommon choice. Live life to the fullest.
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1/28/2009 8:26 pm |
Life is too short...you need to leave this man.
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1/29/2009 3:28 am |
What I don't understand is the abuse. People can become withdrawn for all kinds of reasons, and it is perfectly possible to deeply love someone even though you may have lost physical desire for them, or there is something indefinable which holds you back. If he lashes out at you, is it possible that he feels somehow trapped or dissatisfied with the way things are? You say he getts pissed - is he actually an alcoholic, because if so that could explain a lot, and there is very little you can do. I don't think these things are ever as simple as therealthing suggests, but perhaps you need to talk to him about whether staying together is really what you both want, and if not, could there be another solution which you might alow both of you to be happier?
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1/29/2009 5:11 am |
Geez, I'm sorry you're in this situation. However, if it were me, I'd insist on communication, at least to begin and physicality. If this can't be achieved, I'd be out the door no matter how much he 'says' he loves me. I've tried talking to him, more times than I care to remember.  But when I do finally get him to talk, he says he wants to still be with me. He just has a very funny way of showing it!
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1/29/2009 5:21 am |
Life is too short...you need to leave this man. I know all too well that life is short. I've lost far too many people close to me.  It's just a little more complicated than just walking away from it all!
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1/29/2009 5:43 am |
What I don't understand is the abuse. People can become withdrawn for all kinds of reasons, and it is perfectly possible to deeply love someone even though you may have lost physical desire for them, or there is something indefinable which holds you back. If he lashes out at you, is it possible that he feels somehow trapped or dissatisfied with the way things are? You say he getts pissed - is he actually an alcoholic, because if so that could explain a lot, and there is very little you can do. I don't think these things are ever as simple as therealthing suggests, but perhaps you need to talk to him about whether staying together is really what you both want, and if not, could there be another solution which you might alow both of you to be happier? The real nastiness can be left to my ex husband. Still have the scars to prove that one! My partner likes a drink on his days off, but that doesn't make him an alcoholic. I can drink a hell of a lot more than he can, when given the chance to do so. As I said earlier, I've talked to him & every time I get the same answer. He wants to stay. If I could try & find another solution, I would, gladly. Trust me on that one!
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1/29/2009 2:15 pm |
...and you are not entirely sure you should go - or else you would have left. Life's never clear cut - you deserve to enjoy every aspect of your life and every moment of existence. DV My blog is here
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1/30/2009 4:32 am |
...and you are not entirely sure you should go - or else you would have left. Life's never clear cut - you deserve to enjoy every aspect of your life and every moment of existence.  Still hope that we can find our way back to the way we used to be, not so long ago. I will admit, I'm not really enjoying life, very much, at the moment!
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1/30/2009 8:40 am |
You know some people need a wake up call, have you tried not being there when you should i.e.spend the night in a hotel or with a friend, if you get no reaction maybe it is time to say goodbye. hope it works out the way you want.
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2/4/2009 8:21 am |
I have a fairly similar situation only it is my beloved that is not so keen on the sex and I am almost a sexaholic or worse. The frustration is not going to go away, life isn't going to become suddenly less complicated and you are not suddenly going to wake up commitment free and free to be like a non pampered and pre neutered pussy cat or ginger tom. So, I was in this situation and chose to look else where for some thrills and spills. I do it discretely and carefully. I know one day I will be found out and on that day I will have a lot of explaining to do. I have however had many conversations with the other half around the delta in our needs and desires and expressed very clearly that it was not acceptable not to have a a relationship based on platonic love only...she jokingly suggests everytime that I needed to have an affair... little does she know that /i decided to do exactly that.
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2/4/2009 9:57 am |
You know some people need a wake up call, have you tried not being there when you should i.e.spend the night in a hotel or with a friend, if you get no reaction maybe it is time to say goodbye. hope it works out the way you want. 
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2/4/2009 10:04 am |
I have a fairly similar situation only it is my beloved that is not so keen on the sex and I am almost a sexaholic or worse. The frustration is not going to go away, life isn't going to become suddenly less complicated and you are not suddenly going to wake up commitment free and free to be like a non pampered and pre neutered pussy cat or ginger tom. So, I was in this situation and chose to look else where for some thrills and spills. I do it discretely and carefully. I know one day I will be found out and on that day I will have a lot of explaining to do. I have however had many conversations with the other half around the delta in our needs and desires and expressed very clearly that it was not acceptable not to have a a relationship based on platonic love only...she jokingly suggests everytime that I needed to have an affair... little does she know that /i decided to do exactly that. Some woman are happy as long as they get the nice house, car, money ect, but none of the sexual hassels any more! She may even be a little glad that the pressures now off her! 
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4/22/2009 11:01 am |
there is NO quick fix answer [if there was you would find it in Tesco's] think what would be best for YOU in the long run and make that your goal if its possible for you to start again and thats what YOU want - then do it if you would be worse off leaving - make patches - find a boy here to supply whats missing i love my hubby and he is a very nice man but sex is no longer necessary for him - well occasionally it is so I borrow boys from here - nice ones that make me feel wanted for a while we may have different reasons for meeting - but if we make each other happy for a while i don't see the harm the ONLY person who has your interests in mind is you. think whats right for you and go for it girl be happy love scarlet x   scarlet is at the end of your rainbow
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4/22/2009 8:35 pm |
there is NO quick fix answer [if there was you would find it in Tesco's] think what would be best for YOU in the long run and make that your goal if its possible for you to start again and thats what YOU want - then do it if you would be worse off leaving - make patches - find a boy here to supply whats missing i love my hubby and he is a very nice man but sex is no longer necessary for him - well occasionally it is so I borrow boys from here - nice ones that make me feel wanted for a while we may have different reasons for meeting - but if we make each other happy for a while i don't see the harm the ONLY person who has your interests in mind is you. think whats right for you and go for it girl be happy love scarlet x  Seeing up to a little while ago, we had the largest in the country. I don't want him to leave, but I do need to feel wanted by someone! Maybe getting it elsewhere, may be the answer. But I'm not sure if I can do that, just yet! 
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