This is why I am on this site...  

30smthgsgnlmom 42F
0 posts
7/20/2006 7:30 am
This is why I am on this site...


Why do we learn so much more about love through pain? We go from one relationship to another telling different people we love them, only to eventually find out we were wrong, and so we go and do it again. Hurting, but learning each time. You hope you're learning at least. You keep "falling" in love and then falling on your face it seems. Is it all some sort of big joke, and most of us just haven't been filled in on the punch line? I think it's because most of us walk around with absolutely no concept of what "love" really is.
I love that song.
I love that movie.
I love this place.
I love you guys.
I love you.
You get the idea. It's a word that is supposed to mean so much and has gotten so commonplace, it's almost meaningless.

You know that "new" feeling that you get when you think you've met "the one" and it's so great that it makes insane things like, "I think I'm in love" slip out of your mouth after just a couple of months? You are giddy, stupid-happy, kissing all the time, having wild and crazy sex on a marathon-type basis. It's like driving a new car off the lot. It's shiny, clean, and has that smell. Then your relationship starts depreciating. You don't hold hands as much, you start to actually disagree with each other, which turns to arguments, which leads to a big slow down in the bedroom. TV and/or video games take a more prominent role than anything intimate. Things become routine. Then you're dead. You're too comfortable with one another to leave and start over with someone new. You're afraid of being alone again, even though you're miserable. So you "make it work". Married, dating, or living together, too many people are "making it work", and you know what? It's not working. And your life is passing you by.

I am pretty sure I was in love once or twice. I was in love with the "idea" of my ex husband. I won't get into details. It was just over. But the way I really knew it was the real deal was by the amount of pain I felt when it was over. Literally, pain, misery, and depression. For a long time. As a matter of fact, I've been single, for the most part, ever since. (I have been dating, I'm not holding Sunday mass at my place) There are two reasons for that. The first reason is that I wanted to take time to be alone. I wanted to know that I would be okay all by myself. I have always been in some sort of relationship, so I really wanted to be alone. And guess what? I'm a fun fucking girl. I like me. You'd be amazed at how much you can really like yourself and that you CAN be alone. It's not a bad thing at all. I think it's actually been the best thing for me. I am more mentally balanced and centered than I have ever been. It's a great feeling. I said there were two reasons I have been single. Reason number two is the tough one. In my mind, the bar has been set. I've been in a relationship that REALLY worked, and I won't settle for anything less. I KNOW its out there. The kind of relationship where you don't have to "make it work", REALLY exists. I've seen it. I was in it. Someone once called me "damaged goods". If knowing what I want and not settling for less makes me "damaged", so be it. Of course, all relationships require some effort. Give and take. Compromise. But I REFUSE to buy into the bullshit that all relationships require "work". It's crap. That's something people that are in those relationships say to justify staying in them. The divorce rate is now at 57 percent. That's a lot of people that thought they knew, but sadly didnt.
Like I always say, there are exceptions to every thought process. My grandparents were exceptional. They were married for almost 60 years.
I totally believe in love. I'm a big fan of love. I love my children. That's how I know for certain love is real.
But until my love shows up and slaps me in the face, I would LOVE to introduce you all to another great word I found on Dictionary.com:

Like, v

"To find pleasant or attractive. To enjoy."

That's all. Isn't it much easier? And "like" doesn't mind if you pass it around like a cheap hooker at a bachelor party. Like will easily forgive you if you say it and don't mean it.

Thanks for reading. I like you all very much.

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