Purged Words - The Door  

2ofusfor3 53M/48F
245 posts
5/10/2005 7:09 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Purged Words - The Door

The Door

Walking happily… No, skipping joyfully, yeah, skipping joyfully… On my way up to The Door to my dreams. I’ve journeyed this path before, many times, but I am farther now than I’ve ever been. I wave to friends and family as they wish me happiness for they know how much this means to me. Butterflies, flowers, trees dappling shade and a breeze to make the leaves applaud as I skip on, I’ve never felt so sure. How exciting and wonderful, to be so close to something that has eluded me always. I must be floating two feet off the ground for I’ve never felt so high!

Wow, I see it! I see The Door! It has letters scrolled across it that say, “The Door to Your Dreams.” I stop and stair in awe as a tear slides down my cheek. The Door is not much more than 15 yards away. As I get ready to run to it, the Door swings open. Eyes focused, I run as fast as I can. Oh my dreams, my dreams! Just 5 feet now, 4 feet, 3 feet, SLAM! The Door slams shut in my face, my body smashes painfully into it. Stunned and hurt, I start knocking on it, not so hard at first, but pounding in the end until my hands hurt the most. Feeling defeated, I lean my forehead on its solid surface as sobs rack my body. Noooo! How could things have been so right and then go so wrong!? I HATE THIS DOOR, so cruel, hard, and closed. Hate it!

My sobs eventually taper off and I realize I cannot turn around. I can't face the pity and sorrow in the eyes of my friends and family... They will feel so sorry for me. I can’t turn around, but when I can, I do. The corners of my mouth pull up in an attempt for a smile that does not reach my eyes. It feels like pulling a few bricks up with my lips. I say past the lump in my throat, “I’m ok, I’m good… I’m good.” They wrap their arms around me and tell me comforting words that I wish I didn’t have to listen to. Rather, I wish everyone would just go away. We walk together back to the beginning of the path where things come together. They go on to their piece of life and I turn towards mine.

But as they leave my sight, I turn around and go back up the path to The Door, quietly this time. I stand before it and stare. I’m so tired and weary. On the ground I notice for the first time a door mat. “Welcome,” it says. Welcome? WELCOME!? With defeat and a heavy sigh, I turn my back to the door and sit on the mat. I pull up my knees, wrap my arms around my legs and lay my head on my arms. Maybe if I give it some time… maybe I shouldn’t have run… I don’t seem to know my own mind anymore… or maybe it is my heart saying one thing and my mind another that is so confusing. I know one thing for sure; my heart that held so much hope and believed completely is not going to let me give up. Not today, anyway.

So, if you are looking for me, please check here. I might still be sitting in front of The Door to my dreams… waiting.

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