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 | Blogs > emersunbigguns > Blossoms from the Fart Garden > Three Testicles |
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It all started on an early Sunday morning. I was still in High School. I woke up, stretched, and realized I had to take a gigantic piss. So I stumbled into the bathroom, whipped it out, and started to pee. Idly scratching my balls, my blood froze as I felt something that was not there before. Something was horribly, horribly wrong. I had three testicles. Still peeing, flecks of urine flying every which direction, junk flapping in the breeze, I tore down the hallway ass-naked. My mom was standing at the kitchen counter, chopping vegetables for stew, when I came barreling into the kitchen. "I need to go to the hospital," I began, dancing and holding my package. Of course, being the mother that she is, she wanted to know what was wrong. Finally, I broke down. "I need to go to the hospital because I have three balls." Mom put her hands on her hips and frowned. I didn't have three testicles, she said. I was probably imagining it. It was only with much panicked protesting on my part that I was able to convince her to look. And there, lo and behold, I had three testicles. In hysterics now, I dressed and she loaded me up into the car. Driving frantically and weaving perilously in and out of traffic, we finally arrived at the emergency room, where I was escorted into a room by an older nurse. I changed into those embarrassing hospital nightgowns and lay back on the table, feet flat and legs spread. She rubbed some sort of cold, slippery gel onto my balls and began to examine the rogue testicle. It wasn't even that the nurse was attractive. She looked too much like a mom. But nonetheless, the nurse's incessant rubbing got to me, and I was fighting an erection. Down, boy. I was concentrating so hard on remaining decent that I had failed to notice the pressure building in my gut. With the nurse a mere foot away from the supermassive black hole that is my anus, I ripped a fart that would go down in the record books as the MOST putrid smelling fart in history.  click to enlarge My immediate response was to giggle hysterically. As I began to shake with laughter, my ass began to force out the remaining air in small bursts synced to my snickering. Pft. Pft. Pft. Pft. Pft. And with every pft, the nurse's front locks blew ever so slightly. Suddenly, the urge to bear down took over me, faster than I could think. Where gas had once harmlessly sounded its horn, thick, projectile diarrhea began to spurt. And still, I giggled. The diarrhea continued to fire in spurts. My bowels and face contorted as I writhed in pain. Soft plops told me that the nurse and the floor were wearing my shit. "I'm sorry," I choked out, tears of hysterical laughter and shame running down my face. The nurse, grimacing, left the room without a word. Several minutes passed while my steaming shit began to dry on my asscrack, all alone in an examination room. I was beginning to plan my escape when an older, male doctor entered the room. Business-like, he wiped the shit from my ass with a wet-wipe. He poked and prodded for a few minutes before determining that my third testicle was actually a cyst. He sent me home to schedule surgery. As it turns out, the testicle shrunk on its own, and all seemed well and good. Several days later, I was walking home from school when I saw these guys -- friends, but total dicks -- shoving this kid from my French class around. I convinced them to leave him alone, and the kid, Mike, and I, became friends. One day, we were playing basketball after school when his mom drove in. "Mike," she hollered, "can you and your friend help me with the groceries?" Like the gentleman I am, I proceeded to open her trunk when, out of the car, stepped none other than the very nurse who had worn my diarrhea. The instant we made eye contact, I knew she remembered me. My face burned. I began to stammer some reason as to why I had to go home, when she put a motherly arm around me. She explained that there was a very strict patient confidentiality agreement, and that nobody would know what went on in the ER the previous week. I assured her that my third testicle was no longer plaguing me with its existence. I had some meatloaf and green beans, and went home, all was well. When I stepped off the bus that morning, Mike literally hollered, announcing to every child within earshot: "Dude, you never told me you had three balls! And that you shit on my mom!" I recently sold Mike a houseful of replacement windows, and he told me he was fucking my sister during High School. Whatever..... works for me.  The Key To A Man's Shart  |
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6/8/2008 12:11 pm |
Yeah, what mm said!  BTW, in case you noticed, having devil of time making site keep or maybe it's put {back on} you on my watched list. Another damn site glitch, after the last round where I lost almost a whole page of peeps, sheesh. I have inner peace; I want more inner orgasms.
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6/4/2008 8:56 pm |
roflmao Emers Do I havta say it??? Stobbittttttttttt!!! The Key To A Man's Shart
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6/4/2008 8:54 pm |
You mean there really ARE people in the world with more fucked-up friendships than me???!!!  The Key To A Man's Shart
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6/4/2008 8:53 pm |
I tell ya! The stuff us nurses have to deal with LMAO! Most of us have been pissed on, bled on, and shit on, all part of the profession. The Key To A Man's Shart
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6/4/2008 8:50 pm |
You are Soo full of it..... The Key To A Man's Shart
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 6/3/2008 6:43 pm |
roflmao Emers Do I havta say it??? Stobbittttttttttt!!! Weed The Earth To Find Your Rose
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6/3/2008 7:45 am |
You mean there really ARE people in the world with more fucked-up friendships than me???!!!
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6/3/2008 12:19 am |
I tell ya! The stuff us nurses have to deal with LMAO! Most of us have been pissed on, bled on, and shit on, all part of the profession. Passion lives longer when friendship is its nourishment
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6/2/2008 10:32 pm |
You are Soo full of it.....
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