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Updates to the AMA's Driver's Training Handbook 2007  

Medic_Chick
10/9/2007 11:13 pm
 After witnessing much of the long weekend's carnage & mayhem on our fine city streets & highways, this just seemed fitting somehow!

Subject: Alberta Motor Association's Driver's Training Handbook 2007

Just in time for the start of 2007, please read this to brush up on the rules of the road so as to reduce the number of traffic incidents on our roads.

1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A confident Alberta driver avoids using them.

2. Under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, because the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less of a chance you have of getting hit.

4. Warning! Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will result in your being rear-ended.

5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork, especially with B.C. or Sask, plates. With no insurance, the other operator has nothing to lose.

6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a vigorous, foot massage as the brake pedal violently pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to strengthen your leg muscles.

7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to prepare other drivers entering the highway.

8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures; given only as a suggestion and are not enforceable in Alberta during rush hour, especially in Calgary.

9. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that an Alberta driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

10. Always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.

11. Learn to swerve abruptly without signaling. Alberta is the home of high-speed slalom-driving; thanks to the Department of Public Works, which puts pot-holes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them alert.

12. It is tradition in Alberta to honk your horn at cars in front of you that do not move within three milliseconds of the light turning green.

13. To avoid injury in the event of a collision or rollover, it is important to exit your vehicle through the windshield right away. Wearing your seatbelt will only impede your hi-velocity escape from danger.

14. Remember that the goal of every Alberta driver is to get ahead of the pack by whatever means necessary.

15. In Alberta, 'flipping the bird' is considered a polite salute. This gesture should always be returned.
"Real paramedics don't roll hose, they pull hose!"
rdcurio2

10/26/2007 8:16 am

 I'm sure you've seen all kinds of shit on the road. do you travel to red deer, we'd like to play doctor with you....

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