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 | Blogs > gotmoo > LOOK OUT!!!! > WHERE DID THE SEX GO? |
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It wasn't supposed to be like this. When she met him, there was so much passion. They couldn't seem to get enough of each other, but over the years they've gone from occasional lovers to rare lovers to...complete abstinence. She's tried talking to him. He merely says, "Sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship." Most people would assume he was cheating but she knows he's not. He just doesn't want to have sex with her anymore. Passion fades. It's a part of life. When both parties are okay with that, they settle into something a little more comfortable. One or the other may regret not having more, but there are other things that consume them. Some choose to deal with it by having affairs. Some eventually leave. But what if one person wants sex and the other doesn't? Traditionally, the woman is the one whose sex drive diminishes after marriage. Speaking from a woman's perspective, I believe this is because for women, sex is emotionally based. Once the romance starts to fade, the excitement over the newness wears off and sex becomes merely a physical act. Role playing and other creative sorts of things can help but in too many long-term relationships, people aren't willing to put in the work. When a man loses interest in sex, people assume something must be wrong with him. His testosterone levels are off or he's having an affair. All men are assumed to believe sex is a high priority, so if he's not wanting sex it merely means he's not wanting it with her. Or maybe he's gay. Isn't it possible, though, that in all human beings sex drive is just something that varies? Why is someone's sexuality questioned because he or she simply does not feel the same drive toward sex as the rest of us? Can't it be assumed that person simply does not really feel sex is all that important? But you have two people -- one with a high sex drive and one without. They are literally going months without sex and this is unacceptable to the one with the higher sex drive. The partner who is resisting sex also resists therapy and refuses to admit anything is wrong. What can they do? Can this situation be fixed? woohoo |
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 3/25/2008 3:57 am |
Dear Doctor Gotmoo, A woman gives sex to get love, a man gives love to get sex. When the candle has finished burning it is time to replace it, no use sitting in the dark hoping someone will do it for you. Get motivated, move on and start living your own dreams, be happy 
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